My darling little Chubba Luv,
I just walked into my office as Layla was saying, "You're just a dream Cameron, You're just a dream." She said this as she snuggled you in the pack n play. What better way to start your letter than with this sentence. You are a dream to me Cameron. I still pinch myself because I can't believe that I am a mother of a beautiful baby boy.
I found out I was pregnant with you Columbus Day Weekend, 2009. We had just gotten home from New Hampshire and boom... I realized I was pregnant. Daddy was a bit nervous because the truth of the matter is, when is he not nervous? I, was not. I wanted you so badly. I was so excited to be pregnant for a third time. The only nerves I had were as they pertained to your health. I was so scared that something would be wrong with you for some reason. As with your sisters, I was sick as a dog for you too. I peed on the stick one day and then began vomiting the next. Literally. It was different with you though. More of a constant nausea all day long and then at dinner time I would vomit. I found that if I ate little snacks throughout the day, I could get through the nausea. But come dinner time, like clockwork, I would get sick. Then again while I would read the girls their bedtime story. This lasted through my entire pregnancy that it became routine. I'd be in mid sentence and Hannah would say, "Go ahead Mom, go puke." I would and then come back to finish the book for her.
From day one, I had a hunch you would be a boy. Just a feeling. I wasn't positive, but it was my guess. I hate the fact that I am going to admit this next statement to you but to be honest, I was completely scared out of my mind to have a boy. How was I to take care of a boy? I had no idea. What a silly way to feel, now that I have had you in my arms for almost a year. I didn't tell anyone about you until I was 12 weeks along. 12 weeks! That was huge for me! Not even Auntie Ju Ju knew! I was so afraid of losing you that I wanted to make sure before I told everyone. Grammy and Grampy were ecstatic! We told them on Grammy's Birthday and I presented her with a wall frame about being grandparents. I had pictures of your sister in it and then a picture of you from my ultrasound. We told Nonnie and Papa on their anniversary. We had the whole night planned with dinner and music and all the details were just so, but then our kitchen ceiling collapsed and a water pipe burst. We moved the party over to Julie's and she caught wind of my disappointment about not being able to tell Nonnie and Papa the way I had planned. So technically she did know first, but just by an hour or so! LOL In the end, it didn't really matter, because they were so thrilled!
I continued on carrying you in my belly and loving every minute of it. I truly did. You were so very much more active than the girls were in my belly. I felt you all the time and your movements were so strong. You'd take my whole body with you at times when you were flipping about. You were the first baby of ours that we didn't find out the sex for. I had a million ultrasounds and it was a tease each time. We stayed strong and turned our heads. Towards Spring I began to get restless again. Once I hit that 38 week mark my head goes all crazy. This time though, I began to get uncomfortable. Constant contractions that would never stay. I would get them 5 minutes apart for hours and then they would stop. I had them so often that I began to go out of my mind. The week of your due date (June 13th) was when everything really changed. I began to get these gut wrenching pains that I could barely breath through. They were so sharp and painful. It was a Wednesday night when I had gone upstairs to put laundry away and I just fell to the floor in the girl's room because I couldn't take the pain. I think I closed my eyes for a bit because Daddy found me lying there. Papa called and told me he was on his way over and that I needed to go to the ER. I tried to protest, but he wouldn't hear of it. We left at about 8:00PM. I knew from my doctor's appointment that day that I was already dilated 4cm's. They checked and I was still 4 cm's but I was contracting every 3 minutes. While I was at the hospital, the pain began to get worse. I told your Daddy that I wasn't leaving without giving birth to you. At one point the doctor told me she was going to send me home with some Ambien and to come back when I was dilated more. I went nuts! How on earth would I know when I was dilated more? I was 4cm's and contracting every 3 minutes, was she serious? I was that patient.. yes I was.. that said, I will not leave this hospital until I have this baby! Thankfully, she pulled some strings and got me upstairs into a room.
Once I got there, I knew how it would go. I was so excited tom meet you! I got the epi right away. I dilated full right away. Daddy and I went over names and the nurse tried to help us. We were helpless with boy's names. Our girl's name was Charlotte. I rested, Daddy slept and then I knew it was time. A few quick pushes later, out you came. The doctor yelled, "It's a boy!" They all had bets that you were a girl. I think I was shocked at first that I was right about you being a boy. Then they put you in my arms and for sure, you were a boy. Daddy and I were smitten from the first moment we held you. You were gorgeous.. Our first little beautiful baby boy, born at 3:54AM on Thursday June 10th. Weighing 8lbs 1 oz.
Yet, we had no name for you little man! Well, that's not entirely true. I wanted you to be Crosby. Everyone hated it except for Auntie Ju Ju. I still love that name though. Daddy wanted you to be Tyler. I couldnt do it. It just didnt fit our family. While holding you and admiring you, Daddy said, "Cameron." Now that fit. Cameron, Cam for short, fit right into our family. It also had it's ties to hockey. Daddy wasn't backing down so Cameron John was your name little guy! (John after Grampy). That day was so perfect. I had a few hours with you to love on you while Daddy went home to shower and get the girls. They came back with Nonnie & Papa and Grammy in tow. The girls came in first and Hannah went bazurk over you being a boy! She melted my heart with her excitement over you. She called you "CJ" from day one. Layla too, was smitten. Excited to the max. They were like two little doting mothers, holding you and loving on you. Hannah was so excited that she demanded to go to school so that she could tell her entire Kindergarten class. (Who in return, made you a heap of congratulations cards! It was the sweetest sentiment and I cried when Hannah came back to the hospital holding them.) Nonnie, Papa were thrilled to meet their newest grandson and Grammy was to the MOON with excitement over the fact that she now had a grandson after 4 granddaughters. She called Grampy right away and told him the good news. I think I kept looking at you and shaking my head in disbelief that I now would be a mother to a baby boy. I was beyond thrilled to be able to hold you in my arms and cuddle you to sleep that first night. YOU my baby boy, made us a family of five and I couldn't be happier!
You came home and filled our house with so much more love than we could have ever imagined. You were an easy baby from day one and as long as I kept you fed, you were happy. You loved to nurse but you were always such a "Feekanozz" (not sure of the spelling on that one but it is an Italian word meaning always interested in what's going on around you.) I would nurse you, you'd stop look around for a bit and then go back to nursing. Just making sure you weren't missing out on anything! From the get go you were out and about with me, going to the girls dance recitals, picking Hannah up from school, trekking to dance classes, hockey, CCD, work and the bazillion other things that I do. You were so easy going that you never really minded. YOU ARE MY SLEEPER! Wait.. I'm just going to repeat that. YOU ARE MY SLEEPER! LOL You take two naps a day and you go down at night IN YOUR CRIB by 7:ooPM or so because you LOVE to SLEEP! Once you are down, that's it. You're down and you sleep til about 6:00am or so. You most certainly win the award for the best sleeper in the house baby boy!
You are such a sweet, loving, HEALTHY baby and I think I got real extra lucky because like your sister, you are a cuddle bug too! Your big, brown eyes captivate me. You are very laid back and you usually just go with the flow.... "third baby syndrome!" You are a Mama's boy to the core! At almost a year old, you have now started freaking out if I even walk out of the room. You are most comfortable in my arms, letting me carry you from place to place and you know me, I love every second of it. I have seen a real big difference in the way the girls were and the way you were with milestones. You, from day one, were so much more mobile and alert. You rolled over at a month old and began to crawl at 7 months. You get annoyed with your knees hitting the floor so you like to monster crawl so your knees don't hurt. We are three weeks before your 1st Birthday and you are about to take your first step. You zoom from place to place and you are into EVERYTHING! LOL You climb, you explore, you investigate and you love the vacuum cleaner. If I take it out, you go nuts! You usually end up chasing me all over the place trying to keep up with the vacuum as I clean. It is hysterical! Clean I must, because boy you are the messiest eater of the three as well. Not in the mood for something? Boom off the highchair tray it goes! I have to vacuum after your every meal. You hate bibs and rip them off within seconds. You are my BEST eater though and you will eat anything and everything under the sun. (Except peanut butter.... we're not going near that til you're 30, okay?) You LOVE your fruit! Strawberries, blueberries and your favorite are bananas. I cut one in half and your eyes light up because you know it is yours. Your love of food has made me dub you "Chubba Luv" and this nickname fits you perfectly. You have this big round sweet face with only two little baby teeth on the bottom. You have the most infectious smile and an adorable belly laugh. You love it when I sing to you, which I must do every time I change you because the one thing you truly hate, is being changed. You kick, you scream and you wiggle loose every time we try. Yet, if I sing.. You'll turn over, look in my eyes and flash me a one of a kind smile. You are a darling, a blessing and you are my boy. You are your sisters' toy. Their doll. Their baby. They love to take care of you and you have a very special bond with each of them. Most mornings, I find Hannah in your crib playing with you and making you laugh. Layla wakes up and the first words out of her mouth are, "Where's Cameron?" They adore you and you them. What more could a mother ask for? Nothing. I am perfectly content and smitten with my family of five.
As we approach your 1st Birthday, I am sad that my baby boy's first year has flown by so very quickly, but I am so very much looking forward to all the wonderful things the future holds for you. We have so many memories yet to make and I look forward to seeing your little personality develop even more. Thank you my Chubba Luv, for completing our family. Thank you for brightening my days and thank you, for choosing me to be your Mommy. I love you with all my heart!
Our favorite song:
Baby Face
Marissa Jaret Winokur & the Canine Jazz Band
(BEST VERSION EVER!)
Baby Face, You've got the cutest little... baby face
There's not another one could take your place, Baby Face
My poor heart is jumping, you sure have started something.
Baby Face, I'm up in heaven when I'm in your fond embrace
I didnt need a shove, Cause I just fell in love with your pretty baby,
with your pretty Baby Face...
Baby Face, I'm up in heaven when I'm in your fond embrace,
I didn't need a shove, I just fell in love, with your pretty baby face.
Baby Face, you've got the cutest little, baby face
There's not another who one who'd take your place, Baby Face
My poor heart is jumping, you sure have started something
Baby Face, I'm up in heaven when I'm in your fond embrace
I didn't need a shove, Cause I just fell in love with your pretty baby,
With your pretty baby face...
Baby Face, I'm up in heaven when I'm in your fond embrace
I didn't need a shove, Cause I just, fell in love
With your pretty baby face....
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