Happy Birthday to my Layla-Grayce Viola! FIVE! Oye yoy yoy!!! I've had that little pit in my stomach all week. I've been savoring these last few days of you being four. I just can't wrap my head around the fact that it was five years ago today, that I held you in my arms for the first time!
Having Layla for me was like getting a second chance at experiencing what I should have experienced with my poor Hannah the first time around. Han was so sick and that first year was a year full of stress and praying that she would survive and be alright. Layla was my chance to relish in a newborn and know that she was healthy 100%. I knew it all along, just like I knew she was a girl. My purple, butterfly girl. The second I laid eyes on her, I knew that she was something special and that she was going to be alright. It took Billy a few seconds longer and him examining her entire body 5 times for red markings (hemangiomas) or anything askew. I remember her having a little red mark on her eyelid and Billy kept questioning it... but I knew.. she'd be just fine. Those first few hours of me cuddling her in her purple soft Pottery Barn blanket. Staring at her. Falling asleep with her in my arms (and getting reprimanded by the nurse). I went a week over my due date and right there that foreshadowed exactly what the little cherub would be like. A snuggle bunny. Curled up in Mommy's arms. Always.
I think that is what I am most afraid of with turning five. Hannah just grew up. I blinked and she grew up. I can't carry her anymore if she falls asleep in the car. She's too heavy. I can't lift her in my arms and twirl her around when we dance on the kitchen floor and she just doesnt need me the way she once did. She needs me now for different things and that's okay. But as a Momma, you always want your child to need you for hugs, kisses and cuddles. Those are the things that make being a Momma so special. So when I would get down about Hannah growing up so quickly, I still always had Layla and Layla was born the cuddly, kissy baby girl. And now Layla is five. Will she still love to cuddle with me? Beg me to let her sleep in my nook? (underarm... it's always been her thing) The child got through her first few years never sleeping in her crib... always in my arms. I'd cook dinner with her in the Bjorn. She always had to have a hand on me. And as all these thoughts were floating through my head all week I also realized that I needed to take a deep breath and realize that as down as I can get about my babies growing older, I am so, so , so very blessed that I have them here in my life. I am thankful and grateful that God made ME their Momma and that although we have had our share of trials and tribulations with their health, they ARE healthy and they ARE happy and they are so very LOVED! And as I kissed Layla goodnight last night and wished her a happy last few hours of being four, I knew that everything would be alright. That I am one lucky girl. I tiptoed into my bedroom and climbed into my bed exhausted from the day's activities and cupcake making endeavor... and just as I went to close my eyes, I heard the pitter patter of not one set of toes, but TWO come running into my bedroom. As they climbed into my bed I knew, yes everything's going to be alright. As long as I am alive, my children will always have my arms to cuddle in.
So my Miss Purple Fancy Pants, Fairy Foo Foo, Ravioli, Layla-Cakes... Happy 5 years! You have brought Daddy and I SO much joy. Aside from your beauty, you have this amazing little personality that usually keeps those around you laughing on their toes. You are my mini me.. maybe not so much in looks, but certainly in personality. Your innocent humor is something I will always cherish. Like the other night when I was telling you to finish your dinner and you replied, "Oh Mama, you say that every night." I tried to explain further about all the children who have no food and who have no shelter to which you said, "Well Mama, where do they live then?" I told you that some poor children live on the street and you said, "Like the chipmunks?" To which Daddy added, "Yeah, like Alvin, Simon and Theodore.... How I love that innocent mind of yours! You always make me feel so loved especially on those mornings when you wake up and look at me and say, "Oh Mama, you look just like princess Ariel this morning."
You're like chicken soup for my soul baby girl. Here's to a year full of true bliss, good health and many, many more wonderful experiences with you! My nook is yours forever and ever!!!
xo
Mommy
