Reflections of a year gone by

I knew this week was going to be tough for me, but I had no idea how depressed I would really be. I dont even know why I get like this, but I do and I need to accept it, that's all there is to it. Layla Grayce is turning one. Don't get me wrong, I am thrilled that she is a happy and healthy little baby girl and I will totally cherish watching her and all the new and exciting things she will soon discover as she continues to grow. Yet, I am sorely going to miss the infant stage. For some reason, I am so attached to that infant stage! I pray that I am blessed to be able to have another miracle or two, but one can never tell what life has in store for you (and how much convincing I have to do for Billy to give it a go!) and this too, has been eating away at me.


With Hannah, this milestone was different for me. I was actually relieved for her to turn one. Turning one for Hannah meant that she was going to be okay. That she was that much older and more capable of being and staying healthy. It also meant that she was to come off the prednisone and I could stop giving her injections twice a day. That in itself, was a celebration. Han was so sick as an infant that her turning one was truly a milestone. She had made it, she survived.. and she was going to be okay.


My water broke at 34 weeks with Hannah. She was delivered a tiny peanut (5lbs 2 oz) at 35 weeks. I was certain that the second time around I was going to go early again. Not as early as I did with Han.. but still early just the same. The doctor pretty much infused this in my head as well and that's when the head games began. My parents were in Italy during weeks 38 & 39. I was pretty devastated thinking that I was going to give birth while they were in another country. I prayed that I would go early so that Layla could be born before they left. When that didnt happen, I prayed for her to stay in just 2 weeks longer! Then we came to September 30th, my due date. My parents were due to arrive home and I thought for sure, today was the day. I had all the signs.. hell I had all the signs starting at 36 weeks. Contractions and the whole nine yards. Yet, September 30th came and went, and Layla never came. Each day after that was just a tease. I honestly felt great physically but emotionally, I was a wreck! My 2nd and third trimesters were actually wonderful and I really got to enjoy them (the first trimester I spent praying to the porcelain god and taking 2 trips to the ER for IV fluid). This though.. this waiting and wondering totally did me in. I did everything I possible could to try and make her come out but to no avail. Looking back, this all makes sense, as this ravioli is still a cuddle bug and loves to be held and kept cozy warm in your arms.


The days came and went, and still no Layla. I remember taking Mountaindale Road (The bumpiest road in town) to the office trying to get things started. I bounced on my yoga ball and skipped rope. I even heavily contemplated taking Skip's truck for a spin thinking it might help. Nope.. Layla was content where she was. Doesnt this all make sense now? Hannah wanted out and she wanted out fast.. she is still the same way to this day! Layla, well she is just content where she is!


I remember having a tough time thinking about how I was going to love another baby as much as I did Hannah. Han and I had gone through so much together. She was my miracle baby. We were connected on such a different level than most. She had my heart. How was there room enough to love another as deeply as I did her?


Then the day came for me to meet my miracle #2. Finally, I was calm. Again, I had an easy go of it. I know I am lucky. On October 5th, 2007, I was scheduled to be induced. The hospital was a mad house and they tried to send me home. At 41 weeks, I was not hearing it. After much ado, I was sent up to my room around 6:45AM. Pitocin was started around 7:15AM. Labor started immediately. I wanted to do it so badly without the epi. I dont know why, I just did. I was definitely hanging in there, I was doing it. Then she checked me and I was only 4 cm's dilated at 12:15PM. Five hours and I had only dilated half a centimeter, if that. Hell, I knew I had to be realistic and I asked for the epi. It was 12:30PM when I received it. By 1:00PM I was feeling good and then by 1:20PM, I knew it was time! Something about the epi makes me dilate right away. (Stamp this on my forehead if I am blessed with a next time!) I started pushing at 1:30PM. Right away she began her decent. If it hadnt been for her big ol' noggin she would have been out in 2 pushes! However, by 1:37PM I met my miracle #2.


For me, there is nothing like the birthing experience. I know that some women are anxious about giving birth and some fear it. Not me. I compare it to what one must feel when parachuting out of an airplane or bungee jumping. The ultimate high. The most exhilarating feeling I will ever experience and I got to experience it twice. It is my high. The moment they placed my baby in my arms, I knew that most certainly, my heart was big enough to love both of my girls. She was perfect. Trust me, Billy checked her twice for birthmarks. She cried for an instant and then stopped as soon as I held her. There is just nothing in the world like this moment. She was mine and at 8lbs 7 oz's and Layla-Grayce Viola had entered the world!


How did the time go by so quickly? Where did this year go? How is it possible that my Layla Grayce is turning one? I shake my head is disbelief. I know that I will snap out of it and like I said, I will most certainly enjoy all the new things she is about to discover. If there is one thing I can look back and say, it is that I know never to take a moment for granted. I try and live each day by this rule as I know how precious time really is. That being said, I will end here and catch a moment to stare at this sleeping ravioli laying beside me. I'm taking in the moment. One breath at a time. It's almost your big day baby girl.. it's almost your big day!

Hannah and Cousin Arielle

The three amigos

How impossible it is to get all three of them to look at the camera at the same time!

Cheese!

Up all night

Okay.. it has been a rough few nights for the clan. Miss Hannah is still fighting her nasty cold and in the process, has given it to the ravioli. Neither one of them have been sleeping well and last night was by far the worst. Hannah all of a sudden keeps waking up (which we thought we had nipped in the bud with her new bedtime) and Layla can't seem to stay asleep due to being uncomfortable and not being able to breath out of her nose. Throw in the 101.5 fever and the poor kid hardly slept a wink last night. Therefore, neither did Mommy!

Hopefully Hannah is a just a bit out of schedule and that is what is causing her to wake. I am sure that she is still feeling pretty lousy and that could be a big contributor. In the meantime, I am just going to keep an eye on the ravioli and her fever. She could just be running a fever with the cold virus, however, it could be an ear issue as well. Worst case scenario, I take her to the treatment center over the weekend and have her checked. Have I mentioned how much I hate playing this GUESSING GAME? There are times when I just wish I were a Dr. so I could save us all from trying to always guess what is wrong. Purchasing an Otoscope is certainly on my "To-Do" list!

In the essence of me trying to get through my work day today without passing out from exhaustion, I will post this song by Kenny Chesney as it is one of my favorites and I feel as though it truly fits my zombiehood status today:

The Woman with You

She hit the door 6:55 sack full of groceries split down the side.

Can goods scattered all the way to the curb.

Look on her face saying don't say a word.

So, it's me and her and a can of beans sitting there

on the front porch swing.

Western sky all turning red.

Head on my shoulder she sighed and said:

Been gopherin, chaufferin, company chairmen.

Coffee maker, Copy repairman.

Anymore there ain't nothin I swear man that I don't do.

Been juggling, struggling, closing big deals.

Dancing backwards in high heels.

Just when it feels like i can't make it through.

She said it sure is nice to just be the woman with you.

She said the girl I was with the business degree

probably wouldn't recognize me.

I was gonna run the bank.

I was gonna run them out.

Now all I want to run is a bubble bath.

Back then you know I had this plan.

Before all of this reality set in.

Here comes life boy ready or not.

Hey I wanted it all and that's what I got.

Cause I'm gopherin, chaufferin, company chairmen.

Coffee maker, Copy repairman.

Anymore there ain't nothin I swear man that I don't do.

Been juggling, struggling, closing big deals.

Dancing backwards in high heels.

Just when it feels like I can't make it through.

She said it sure is nice to just be the woman with you.

She said I'm gopherin,chaufferin, company chairmen.

Coffee maker, Copy repairman.

Anymore there ain't nothin I swear man that I don't do.

Been juggling, struggling, closing big deals.

Dancing backwards in high heels.

Just when it feels like I can't make it through.

She said it sure is nice to just be the woman the woman with you.

Miss Layla Grayce in her fancy

I had to put these pictures up for Auntie Jill. When we visited Long Island in the spring, we came across this fantastic yard sale. This hat was one of the items I bought for $1.00... yes only $1!!!! We were afraid it would be too small for her by the time she was able to use it. Thankfully, we were wrong and I just adore her in it!

The Apples of My Eye

What a FANTASTIC weekend we had! I dont even know where to begin! Friday night was "Family Night" and after work we all went home and played in the yard. Han was adorable when she came out with Billy's hockey stick and started "pretend playing" all over the drive way. The look on Billy's face was priceless. I could hear his brain saying, "Yup.. that's right.. she's gonna play like me!" We then had another front porch night all cuddled up in our pj's and blankets. We didnt last very long as it really was a bit chilly but I thoroughly enjoyed it just the same.




Hannah had soccer on Saturday morning and I had an absolute blast watching her play! What a nut she is! She was very good and definitely payed attention to directions this week. She had quite the fan club cheering her on and once she saw cousin Arielle.. she was thrilled! It was most surreal seeing my Dad on the sideline looking on at her. I flashed back to 28 something years ago when I was the one on the field and my Dad's eyes were on me back then. It truly was a moment for me to realize how precious life really is and how quickly the time truly passes. Aside from my parents, Momma and Pa were there to watch, along with Auntie Paula, Leanne, Arielle and Addison. (Grammy and Grampy were her onlookers last week) It was a wonderful crisp morning.. until that is... when Hannah came off the field and in the matter of the hour, she had red swollen eyes gooping green guck!!! AHHH.. It happened so quickly but even before we headed to the treatment center, Billy and I both knew that it was conjunctivitis! Dr. Marz confirmed and also added the beginning to an ear infection to our concerns. He gave us a prescription for antibiotics and we were on our way home.

With a nap under Hannah's belt and a full belly, we headed to Disney on Ice that evening. It was SPECTACULAR! What an amazing performance they put on and Hannah was completely enthralled in the show. We had great seats and they were fairly close to the ice. Miss Layla was a bit tired and Billy thankfully got her settled and she fell asleep in his arms. Not without him doing a few laps around the Civic Center, but still just the same! From Minnie and Mickey, to cars, to Ariel and the Lion King to a finale with Tinkerbell and the fairies.. it was incredible! I am so glad that we went even with Hannah feeling a little under the weather.





Sunday, Billy went fishing and I took the girls Apple Picking. This is most definitely one of my favorite activities of the Fall. Even though the weather was a bit warm, I lugged the girls around in the wagon and we were able to pick some delicious apples. As we were entering the Orchard, Melisa, Bob, Olivia, Shelby and Camrie were heading out so they decided to turn back around and join us. The girls were simply adorable hiding under the trees and picking apples. We tried to keep Olivia at a safe distance so she wouldnt come down with the dreaded "Pink Eye"... Lets hope we she fares well!














After picking all of our apples we headed home to make an apple crisp and work in the yard a bit.






The only downside of the day was watching my beloved Patriots get their fannies kicked by the Dolphins.. but not even the Patriots can be perfect all the time... especially without many of their star players. Have I mentioned that I refuse to pick up any of Skip's phone calls today. He has tried, believe me, he has tried to bust my beans, but I am refusing to let him I tell you!!!! I wonder how long I can put off answering one of his calls? Speaking of Mr. Young.. I have to just add one thing. Friday I had picked up Hannah from school and was driving home when I drove by Gramma Young's house and I did a double take. Yes.. there she was, on her John Deer, cutting the front lawn. The woman is just remarkable! I had to turn around and take a picture of her, because it was just too priceless not to capture! What a kind, sweet, capable woman she is and I only hope that when I am her age, I can do half of what she does in a day! Cheers to you Gramma Young!

Hannah Monkey

Layla Cakes

When I was young, every Spring and Fall my mother would make us do this big cleaning in our house. She would say, "Spring Cleaning time".. or "Fall Cleaning time". Begrudgingly, we would have to wash walls, scrub floors.. the whole shebang. I always said that when I grew up.. I was never going to put my kids through this. I have to say, for the most part, I have kept my promise.. that is ...until yesterday! Lately I feel like the toys are overgrowing the family room, the drawers are a mess and the kids clothes need to be transferred to bins. Overwhelmed? YES! We started with organizing some of the toys and rearranging the living room. Why do I do this? I dont know, because it always ends up rearranged back the same way, as there are only so many spots you can put a couch~ We then went up to Hannah's closet and tackled that. Baby steps...Kerri.. Baby steps!

Then the girls played in the yard as Hannah insisted they must wear their tu-tus. We ate a quick dinner and then headed for a nice long walk. The weather was perfect yesterday evening and both the kids were out cold by 7:15. I have to say that I love walking with them in the cool weather. I bundle them in their pj's and blankies and off we go. Hannah often talks to me about all the things she sees or she will bring up something we saw in the past on our walking route. Her favorite is the "Scary Tree" whose routes have torn up the sidewalk. She always looks for it and shouts it's name the instant she sees it. I really enjoy these walks with them and I am hoping that I can get a bunch more in before the first snow fall.

Do I have Divas or what?

Han posing in her bedroom..

Pretty in Purple

She was very inquisitive about the leaves

And I got her grabbing her ear on camera? Again this is constant!

One funny thing about dinner last night was that I had served Hannah first. As I was walking Layla's plate over to her, I started laughing. The peanut had fallen asleep in her highchair! It was only 5:15! Hannah and I got such a kick out of it as it was quite funny to see! We woke her up and tried to feed her, however, 10 minutes later, she was back to sleep. .. sitting straight up! Poor kid was tired!

Layla could give Grandma Rose a run for her money! She is almost walking on her own!!! (Sigh...my baby is growing up!)

And this is what she was doing while she was supposed to be napping today!!!