A perfect celebration

Saturday was Mom's 60th Surprise Bash.  I have been working on this party since October.  Planning, devising guest lists, creating unique invitations, aquiring responses, composing a memory book and on and on.  Julie and I have spent many daunting hours making sure that this celebration was absolutely perfect.  Julie and Mikey worked their tails off on a slideshow that was the perfect tribute of Mom and her 60 years on this earth.  It was eloquent and beautiful.  Rob and Amanda worked on ordering a cake that was the perfect token of all the things Mom has always loved.  I spent countless hours creating a memory book complete of the attendee's favorite memories.  There were centerpieces consisting of chocolate covered delights my mother in law and I dipped along with just the right pictures of Mom displayed on each table.  There were no "i's" not dotted and no "t" not crossed.  I could barely breath on Saturday I was such a bundle of anixiety and nerves but when Mom walked through that door with a smile as bright as the sun, I finally realized that all of our hard work had paid off.  We did it!  The evening went off without a hitch and it was such an honor to have so many wonderful family members and close friends there to share in it all.  It was the perfect, perfect evening and I will always remember the way my mother looked that night.  Full of delight and smiles.  I love you all for helping to create this memory for my family.  You have no idea how much this night meant to us!  Shannon, my darling friend.  You being their to capture the night in photographs is a gift that we could never repay.  To have these memories, smiles and laughter instilled in your pictures is a gift beyond words.  THANK YOU!  THANK YOU!  THANK YOU!  Mom, I love you more than you will ever know.  Happy 60 Years!  May you always remember how much you are loved.  Here is the page I wrote for the Memory Book:

Mom,

How is it possible for me to choose just one memory of you to write about? There are sooooo many memories that I can’t even begin to choose! From as early as I can remember you have always been the one woman who could do it all. As a child, there was nothing that you did not do for us. We always had the best meals on the dinner table. We were always adorned in the most beautiful clothes usually sewn and created by you. We were raised with respect, dignity and love. ALL of our holidays were undeniably the best ever and there were so many traditions that you and Dad kept in place, year after year. When I look back upon my childhood, I can honestly say that I could not have wished for a better one. I am so blessed to have had the childhood that I had and I owe it all to you and Dad. You made sure to make each moment count. Each moment mean something. They truly did.

Now that’s not to say that EVERY second was all rainbows and lollipops and there were certainly plenty of times when you wanted to kill me. Like when I use to have the habit of yanking my closet door off the track or when Robbie and I would fight like cats and dogs. Do you remember the time in the camper that you got so sick of us fighting that you banged our heads together? Yes, that one is imbedded in my memory. How many times we would fight in the mornings about what I was wearing or how my hair was done. (Yes… Hannah has taken care of getting me back for this one) How about the time Robbie and I walked down to Debbie Aceto’s (who was sick in bed) and thought we were doing something nice by washing her car with Jennifer and Alyson, but instead, we used Fantastic all over her car widows? Yup, you were pretty ticked off at that one. Or how about the time I jumped off the swing at school and lied about it? Yep, you and Dad marched me right in to apologize to Mrs. Kenyon. My brain is a little foggy but I also remember Julie being an itch one time while we were at KFC. You were behind the counter taking orders and I was washing the front doors with Windex and you happened to catch me spraying it right in her eyes. You proceeded to hop over the front counter to smack me upside the head. I won’t even get into all the health issues I had and all the ambulance rides and scares I gave you and Dad. Time after time, you were there to take care of me. (As you know, God got me back tenfold on that one too!) Yes, there were certainly some time when I got on your nerves but there were also some really special times between us as well. Remember the time you and I went to see Beaches together? We were sharing a pack of M&M’s and when Whitney died, the two of us began blubbering so hard that before we realized it, all the M&M’s had spilled on the floor! One by one we heard them spilling and rolling down the movie theater floor. There were also the countless mornings when I would be getting ready in the bathroom and you would serve me my morning coffee. (Sure do miss that!) Remember when you, Joanie, Melissa and I headed up to Boston and had a grand ol’ time stomping around? Where there was a guy doing a gravestone rubbing and another man was so mad… “Blayton Disrespect!” How about the time you messed up your hair dye and ended up with orange roots? I had to soak your head in Tide with Bleach! There were also countless Thelma & Louise moments and times where we would secretly hide our shenanigans from Dad! (We’ll keep those memories to ourselves!) These are just a few of my many, MANY memories of you.

As I have grown older and wiser (I think), there is one thing that has unquestionably come to the surface of my mind and that is my respect for you as a mother. All those years you made it seem so effortless. All of it! The working, the raising us, the putting on these fabulous holidays, the taking care of us while we were sick, I have no idea how you did it and how you did it so darn well! You made it look so easy! You were hardly ever frazzled by it. (Except for the time Julie ripped your contacts up and hid them behind the toilet) You were definitely frazzled then! However, now as a mother of three young children myself, I have an undeniable respect for you. You are the woman, wife and mother I aspire to be. You are the truest model of the Super Woman. You are the woman who can do it all. You have done it all Mom and I have not a single clue how you did it! HA!

However, this assignment was supposed to be to pick ONE memory. So I am going to narrow it down to one of my favorite memories that just so happens to be from my adult life. It was just you and I at my Maplecrest home and one teeny bitty little baby who was only 4lbs 12 ounces, named Hannah. She was a mere three days old and we found ourselves on a hot July morning staring at her in awe. I knew I had to bath her for the first time and I was scared to death. I had barely gotten use to holding her without thinking I was going to break her. How the heck was I going to give her a bath without getting her umbilical cord wet? You came right to my rescue. Upstairs we went into her bedroom. You had me fill up the rectangular puke bowl that they sent me home from the hospital with. We placed it on the rug in her beach themed bedroom and step by step you showed me what to do. You showed me how to keep parts of her covered while we washed her so she wouldn’t get cold. I can still hear your voice telling me that “This is what Memere had taught me to do with you kids.” For a moment, I could have sworn I felt Memere’s presence with us that day. It was such a beautiful moment for me. The three generations of daughters together. Actually 4 generations if you count Memere’s presence. It’s a moment that I will always keep close in my heart. A hot summer’s day, having my Mother show me how to bath my daughter for the first time. That right there, is what this life is all about.

Together, as a family, we have been through it all. We have celebrated many happy times and we have also picked each other up from many trying times as well. It’s during those trying times when we have all banded together as only a family like ours can do, that I have realized that I am the luckiest girl on the planet to have been placed in such a beautiful family with you as the Matriarch. We are a one of a kind family and we owe it all to you and Dad for making it that way.

So today, on your 60th Birthday, I wish you nothing short of rainbows and lollipops, many more days of beautiful sunshine and a lifetime of warm, loving hugs from the family that loves you most! Happy Birthday Mom!

I LOVE YOU!

Love Kerri

These are only a few of the pictures from the evening! 

Redemption Baby!

Could I be any more excited?  Ok.. well the only way I could be any more excited would be if Tedy Bruschi were playing in this Super Bowl!  LOL  BUT HOT DAMN MY BOYS ARE GOING TO INDY!  Game on Giants!  I can smell some sweet redemption baby!  I'm not sure if I can wait two weeks! 

Excitement was surely what our weekend was all about.  FINALLY, after all three of the kiddos ended up sick with fevers and on antibiotics, we ended up having a healthy weekend that began with sledding Friday after work.  UM Hysterical!  Quite reminiscent as well.  Watching the girls sled down the same hill in the front yard that I once did.  LOVED IT!  After sledding we went in for dinner and Brenna came on by for a play date.  The girls finished out the evening with a soak in the jacuzzi complete with bubbles galore!

Saturday was filled with MORE SLEDDING as the snow continued to fall. We set up path on the other side of the driveway and I am not sure who had more fun, the kids, or Billy and I.  Once I got my groove back (it's been years since I have been on a sled!)  I hit the old time death slide and took off down the driveway.  Yup, I still got it!  Right across the street I flew and it had just as much thrill as it did when I was a kid!  Billy even flew on down on Cam's tricycle which was even more hilarious.  I think I can still hear the kids laughing at us.. except for Cameron.  He just pretty much ed screamed the whole time.  Not such a fan of the snow! LOL  After hours of playing, sledding, shoveling, snow blowing and making snow angels, we went inside for some hot cocoa.  I ended up calling my hairdresser to see if she had any cancellations with the snow and thankfully she did.  I was in desperate need for some "me time" and my hair was in desperate need for some color.  It was an awesome afternoon and an all around awesome day.  I seriously felt like a kid again.

Yesterday was Hannah's hockey day at the P Bruins.  What a kick we get out of these events.  She gets so excited and we LOVE to watch her.  Tough to keep the two little ones entertained, but worth it to see Hannah's face while we cheered for her.  I love watching these kids skate and shoot.  I also love our hockey family.  We have some truly nice parents and families involved with NRI and I love that we have become this fun group.  Hopefully we can find some sitters in the near future and all go out and have a good time.  I forget the last time Billy and I had a social night with friends.  It's been ions.  After the games, I headed home to put Cam down for a nap and wait for my Jersey girls to stop by.  My college roommate Aimee, her twins, Skylar and Sydnee and her boyfriend Thomas were in town.  LOVE seeing them.  Seeing Aimee always brings me back to a really fun time in my life.  Our college days were so sweet and special and just seeing her face brightens my day.  I love our time even though with our hectic schedules it is usually only a short while.  Hoping to plan something with her and the girls soon! 

Then it was game time and I spent it on the couch hooting and hollering, screaming and cussing... (I can't help it!)  When the Ravens missed the field goal.. that was it.. I was up in a crazy victory dance that literally shocked the schnikies out of Hannah.  Her face was priceless!  She stood there for several minutes before she realized it was safe to join in.  Layla just laughed her pants off at me.  Just like that... The Patriots are in the Super Bowl!

Onto how my "FINDING ME" saga is going. Well it is going pretty great. At the root of it all is my issues with hating being in my own skin. The weight had to come off. Cameron is 18 months. There are no excuses anymore. SO I began, 9 days ago. This grueling, depriving, but healthy diet. It's only so grueling and depriving because of how awful my eating habits were prior to starting. It's been tough. Each day, hour and even minute has been a mind game and struggle. There is candy, chocolate, brownies, pizza.. you name it, constantly in front of my face. Yet my willpower has prevailed. Nine days later, I can honestly say that I have stuck to it and have not cheated once. I have talked myself out of these crazy cravings. (What I wouldn't do for cheesecake!) I have stayed strong, keeping my eye on the prize. A new me, who is happy and proud to be in her skin. I weigh in tonight and I am hoping for some big results. However, I feel as though after only 9 days, I already have seen some big results. Aside from things fitting better, I have a renewed sense of energy and zest for life. I can't believe how much more energy I have! The "old me" would have watched Billy out in the snow with the kids while I cooked and cleaned. The "new me" was right there with them having a blast. It's a great feeling. That I can assure you. It trickles down to everything in my life. The kids have a blast with me, Billy enjoys the fun... it's making me a better wife and a better mother and that is all I ever wanted (Aside from being happy in my skin). So there. I am actually doing it. One day at a time. I am changing my life. I think I'll leave on that positive note! Happy Monday.. how great it is to be a part of Patriots Nation!

Sick little monkey

I've still got me a sick little monkey.  Turns out the 103 fever never did get better and by yesterday we headed to the doctor.  She was having issues with breathing and her pulsox confirmed it.  They did a neb treatment and there wasn't a change.  We then went for a chest XRay and now we are back on prednisone, Zpack and round the clock Tylenol along with the treatments every four hours.  Aye Carumba.  She is breaking my heart.  She looks so sad and so not herself.  She is white as a ghost.  I must ask her fifty million times a day if she is okay.  She doesn't want to be away from me.  I have to hold her 24/7 which coincidentally, I don't mind (Except when there is absolutely something I must do!).  Last night, she had a two hour coughing spell that was so nasty she ended up vomiting several times.  I slept in her bed with her and sent Hannah in with Billy.  The baby ended up being up most of the night as well so there was not much sleep to be had and I am paying for it today.  I feel as though I am coming down with a bit of a cold myself.  I am hoping she will turn the corner with this and start to feel better.  I have noticed some of the side affects of the prednisone already so hopefully another day or so and we will see our Layla back underneath all the crazy roid rage that comes along with the meds.  It's so hard to see her so sick because there is nothing to the kids to begin with.  She is skin and bones and I get so nervous about her.  Keeping my fingers crossed and saying extra prayers that we can get her on the mend!

Self Reflection

I woke up this morning with a chip on my shoulder.  Actually, I think I went to bed with it last night.  For some reason, I just got this overwhelming urge to change my life in ways I have always wanted to but have never managed to succeed in.  This surge of a feeling that I want to fix all the things I have always wanted and bring ME back.  I miss ME.  ME somehow got lost amongst the shuffle of being a mother, a wife, a coworker, a daughter, a sister, a maid, a taxi cab, a cook, a caretaker and a house cleaner.  I know ME is in there, but it is going to take some work, a lot of digging out and a lot of self reflection to find her.  I feel like I am in one of those Where's Waldo maps.  You know he is there, you just have to search to find him. 

I told Billy before I went to bed that there are things that I need to change.  That I don't want his support and I won't talk about it again, but that I would be searching and doing everything possible to get ME back.  I don't mean to sound harsh or rude about not wanting his support.  Aside from Billy not being this big supportive, "Wow you're doing great!" type of person, I also didn't want it to be another excuse on my part.  "Well Billy didn't support me so that is why I failed."  (Does that make sense?)  I want to do this on my own.  FOR ME, BY ME.  I feel like it is going to be a little journey to find myself again and that is ok.  I recognize that it is something that will take time and not just happen overnight.  What do I hope to gain from my travels?  I hope to find that person that once had inner peace and who was proud of herself.  Who had self worth and self respect.  That fun loving, carefree, giggle toes of a person.  The one who loved who she was and not the one who can't stand to be in her own skin.  I know for certain that if I can dig this person back up, all else will fall into place.  I know it.  I want to provide the best atmosphere for my children, husband and family.  I'm tired of the monotonous, boring routine we have found ourselves in.  Life is too short.  I want to make it the best it can be.  I am determined to make it the best it can be.  I want to be the best mother and the best wife I can be.  So herein lies the challenge.  I'm up for it, I am determined.  I am just praying that I can find the will power and self discipline it takes.  Here goes nothing.

Aside from this revelation, I've got a Layla bug who is under the weather.  She has a temp of 103 and is quite congested.  She is also extremely MISERABLE.  The poor bug is completely put of character.  She wouldn't even let me put her down for five seconds yesterday to stir the meatballs.  Hopefully we can get her on the mend so she can go back to school on Wednesday.  Hannah thankfully, is starting to feel better and is back to sleeping better as well.  Her attitude, well.. it's gotten slightly better... but we are going to have to work on that.  Let's just say she gave me so much trouble with a shirt she wanted to wear today.  She has these crazy vices with articles of clothing.  She swore the sleeves werent buttoned properly even though I told her a bazillion times they were.  She can't stand the feel of things.  I found her in the drawer trying to tape the sleeves.  Yes, folks.. she is quite the determined little bugger.  After 20 or so minutes of a meltdown, she came over o me and had me button them the same way I first did and then she walked away happy. Sound like anyone else I know?  I'm going to make an appointment for the both of them to go to therapy! LOL  I kid, but it is actually on my list of things to do!  Cam man is still kicking strong over here.  We have dubbed him the one man wrecking machine.  Currently his favorite food is cottage cheese and he will scream MORE MORE MORE every time I open the fridge and he sees the container.  He wants it and he wants it now and he lets you know.  He is a riot.  I could eat his face off.  I can't believe how much he understands what we say.  I can tell him to go pick up his toys and he will.  I can tell him to go get his cup and he will.  He knows exactly what we are asking him to do.  He is also a big fan of brushing his teeth.  He often goes in the bathroom, grabs the stool and yells, "BREEF BREEF"!!!  I have to put several slabs of toothpaste on his Scooby Doo tooth brush before he is ultimately satisfied.  I still can't believe how quickly this is all going by with him!

The twins are doing great and are actually breathing on their own.  MIRACLES DO HAPPEN!  Please continue to keep them in your prayers so that they may grow and come home in a month or so!  THANK YOU!

Stay tuned.. for the new ME!

Love these bubble toes!



So very precious!!!

Blessings! :)

DANG IT!

I swear if I could take back the past two weeks I would.  Turns out that Hannah's ear was so bad the doctor didn't know how she wasn't crying about it.  Crying?  The kid at SEVEN can't even verbalize that her ear hurts!  So all the yelling.. all the punishments, all the stress on her and us... is because the kid can't verbalize pain.  Maybe because the kid was in so much pain as a newborn, she can't distinguish it!  So as I choke back the lump in my throat and the guilt rising in my gut, I have come to the decision that it is time we take her back to Boston.  I don't know how Billy will feel about this, but I, we, owe it to her.  I should have known.  She only ever acts this terribly when she has an ear infection.  I am not saying that she is not a tough kid and often needs discipline, but these past two weeks have been awful with her and now I know why.  I just wish I could have saved her from it all.  I feel so guilty for waiting so long to take her.  Both tubes are out.  Grrr.. and it was AGAIN the left ear.  Hmmmmmmmm how many times have you heard me say this....That left ear tube is deformed.  I know it is.  The hemangioma deformed it.  She is seven and still needs tubes.  Doesn't anyone get that this is going to be a long term issue?  We need to find a long term solution before my kid loses hearing over it!!!!  My heart is telling me to go back to Boston.  Push for an MRI and start talking to doctors about some of her behavioral problems being linked to what she went through as a baby.  I am her mother.  I won't stop til we have some answers and get this straightened out.  She deserves more and I am going to give it to her.  Dang it, I'd like to slap myself upside the head as I am so mad at myself for not listening to my gut and taking her sooner!  That being said, I am hoping that after a few more days of antibiotics, she will start feeling better and we will have our Hannah back. 

I know I will catch some flack for this because I know people think that it is no excuse for her behavior.  (Not that I care what people think but...)  I would just like you to take a minute and think about what this kid has been through.  She was a mere two weeks (or sooner) away from losing her life.  The pressure was so built up in her head that she was on the verge of suffering a stroke and seizing to death.  She had a blood clot on her brain and these Hemangiomas (tumors) everywhere all over her brain.  Wouldn't it be likely that some of these issues could cause her to have some behavioral problems?  Especially since she can't distinguish pain in this region?  I am not condoning her behavior and it is dealt with, but at the same time you have to understand that this is her way of communicating with us that something is wrong.  She lashes out because that is the only way she knows how to express it.  That's all I can say.  I know this is what is going on and that is all I will say.

She let me put her hair up in the doctors office... it looked so cute!

The girls were also picking out bedrooms for the new babies!!!  We'll get to that in a second....  Looking at this picture I can even see it in the bags under her eyes.  My poor baby!

My purple bundle!!!

and then there is this guy... who more recently likes to strip his clothes off... OYE

I took a break from de-wallpapering last night and created this masterpiece!  I was so proud of myself and I love how it turned out!

AND NOW ONTO DEM BABIES!!!!!  Caiden and Madeline have arrived!!!!!  Caiden Stephen weighed in at 2lbs 8oz and Madeline weighed in at 3lbs 5oz.  Both are doing well and will obviously be spending some time in the NICU being that they are 9 weeks early but THANK YOU JESUS for bringing them to us safe and sound!  Mama and Papa bear are also doing well, although Kirsten is my HERO for being in labor for 48 hours and enduring it!  YOU GO GIRL!  Congratulations YOUNG FAMILY OF FOUR!!!!  We LOVE YOU!

Caiden

Madeline

xo



Back in the groove

Well Happy New Year to all!  I hope everyone had a lovely start to their new year.  I for one, am glad to be off to a fresh start.  A new beginning.  Normally I hate being back to a schedule but this year, I was craving it.  Somehow being back on a schedule makes everything alright.  The kids are back in school and routines for activities are back.  Thankfully, the January calendar is not so filled up so I am hoping to get some things accomplished this month.  I have already begun the bathroom renovation.  Goodbye wallpaper.  God Bless my mother and how good she was at everything.  She put that stuff up there and never intended it to come down.  Let me tell you... it has been a battle.  7 years ago I helped Billy take down wallpaper in one of his apartments and I swore I would never do it again.  Looks like I am eating those words.  Thankfully there is not too much left to do and only one other small tiny bathroom in the house that will eventually have to be redone.  Part of me is sad about taking down the wallpaper and the herb border.  It's my Mom.  Reminds me of her and is comforting.  However, it is so not our style and the kids were really looking forward to having a bathroom with some bright, cheerful colors. I have many crafty ideas and I am hoping they all come to fruition because the vision in my head is phenomenal.  We shall see.  I will keep you posted!

Mr. Cam seems to be feeling better today as he has been a bit of a crank pot.  He had been running a small fever and had a case of the yucky nose and congestion all week.  However, today he seems to be back to his funny, cheerful self.  Layla cakes as well.  Back to her routine and easy going personality.  Hannah on the other hand has been down right brutal.  The past two and a half weeks have been extremely intense with her.  Her attitude, her freshness, her disrespect.  I am at my wits end with her.  Nothing seems to be working.  We have taken away everything but food, clothing and her bed and she could care less to behave.  Her mouth is obscene and I am 110% scared out of my mind as to what we are going to do with her.  I am calling the doctor this afternoon and taking her to get her ear checked.  Back in October they mentioned that it looked like her tubes were out.  I can't believe I am saying this but I am praying and hoping with all my might that she does have an ear infection because at least then it would explain some of her behavior.  Otherwise, I may have to start thinking about a boot camp.  In all seriousness, I think it may be time for some therapy.  Something has got to give and although she is only seven, if I don't get a grip on this behavior, we are going to be in for it come the teenage years.  I pray with all my might that we can find someway to help her and pull the reigns back in.  I love her to death and she has sides to her that are so special and unique.  She can be so caring and thoughtful and always aiming to please.  Yet, there are sides to her that I just can't overlook any longer and we need to start working on.  Kids don't come with manuals, do they? 

Mom and Dad left this week and I am so depressed about it.  Happy for them that they can get away and fit some much deserved relaxation in, but sad for me because I am so used to seeing them every day.  Being the Daddy's girl that I am, a day without a hug from Dad depresses me.  He's my go to guy.  My solver of the world's problems.  It's lonely without his face around the office.  :(   I guess I am going to have to work extra hard to try and get him to quit smoking cigars since we will be apart.  One of my resolutions was to say goodbye to the cigar smoking with him.  After the pneumonia, no way, will I ever do it again.  I told him we will have to find another vice.  I'm going to have to lay the guilt trip on him really thick to get him to stop now.  The grand kids and I are counting on him staying healthy for a long time to come.

Asking for some prayers for Billy's grandfather.  He gave the family quite a scare when he went into diabetic shock last night and had to be rushed by ambulance to the hospital.  There is some possibility that he may have been having mini strokes over the past several days aside from the blood sugar issue.  Thankfully they are doing a full work up on him and keeping him for several days.  I love Pa.  He is just this big cuddly guy who LOVES his food and LOVES his naps.  I continuously call him, "The Saint" for reasons I won't share here.  I have a weak spot in my heart for him because I know his love for food is most likely the one thing that keeps him happy at his age.  I will tell you that Billy, being named after him, takes RIGHT after him in the food department.  Not like I am one to talk, but Billy's eating habits are insane.  Grossly insane.  Even though he may not gain weight from it all, it cannot be healthy by any means.  He is the next one I am cracking down on.  Anyway, please keep Pa in your prayers for a quick recovery! 

That's all I have for today...  Remember to count your blessings!!!

Cute and Cuddly Cam!

Crazy and Sassy Banana! 

Miss Layla and her replacement drums.  The ones Santa brought her didn't even last through Christmas day!!!!  (You get what you pay for!)

And this... just CRACKS me up!  SUPER GIRL!!!!!!