Dancing in September

I can finally feel things beginning to calm down.  It feels good.  We had a good weekend.  We tried to do as many things as we could to just feel "normal" in between the chaos and I do believe it helped.  I picked the kids up from school on Friday and I don't think Layla could have been more excited to see me.  She jumped up from her nap mat and threw her arms around me and practically cried from excitement.  I get so much love from this boog.  We went to pick up Hannah and I let the kids play at the school playground for a little while since the weather was nice.  We then went home and the girls helped me make meatballs.  Flat meatballs per Layla's request.  Not sure where that one came from but we had a pot full of flat meatballs for dinner time becasue Layla said so! LOL  I also made a lasagna and it felt so good to just be home, cooking with the girls.  I let them stay up late and we snuggled in bed together and watched Nemo. 

Saturday we woke up with no crazy morning schedule.  Ahhh it felt good!  We took our time and I made the girls homemade waffles.  We got to be lazy and I loved every minute of it.  By mid morning we headed over to Nonnie and Papa's and continued the packing and unpacking.  The kids were a bit restless and I tried my best to keep them entertained while helping Mom and Dad.  I feel bad for them under these circumstances because it is not their fault.  They are bored and want my attention.  I find it sometimes difficult to split my attention under these circumstances where I am trying to be there for Mom and Dad and yet be a mother to my kids.  We left around 4 and I headed home to jump in the shower before heading down the beach to do a photo shoot.  Billy made it home from work just in time to watch Cameron and the girls and I drove down to our RCB for the first time since Hurricane Irene hit.  Thankfully the beach was still in tact as was our little piece of heaven.  I fed the girls and then hit the beach to do a fun family shoot for our beach friends the Kanaczet Family.  I got some great shots of this adorable family!  I hope they like them as much as I do!  After the shoot we headed over to Patsy and Oj's for a drink and then off to see SANTA!  Yes, Santa was at the beach in September.  It was very cute and the first time I have been down there for this event.  The kids were excited and Hannah got to ask for her electric guitar and Layla her drums.  (God help our house come December 25th!)  Layla also got to tell Santa she loved him.  I wish Cam were with us because I would have loved to see his reaction.  We hit the road home late and the girls fell fast asleep in the car. 

Sunday I left the kids with Billy for a little while so I could run and help my parents some more.  Pack, unpack, throw out, pack, unpack, throw out.  God help me come the day that I have to move.  Years and years of memories we went through.  SO many things I had forgotten about but were reminded of while packing.  So many little trinkets that would spark memories of the holidays and gatherings at my parent's house.  I realize how very blessed I was to have the upbringing that I had.  I have all good memories of my childhood.  My parents made sure of it.  I helped for a few hours and then headed back home to get my own house together for my nieces, sister and brother in law.  I had asked them to come by for a small cookout and really just to continue to do the things that keep my stress level down and feel normal.  I put together a macaroni salad and Billy ran to get some hot dogs and hamburgers and we grilled ourselves up a little meal.  The girls had a blast playing with their cousins and Billy and I enjoyed spending some family time with Leanne and Dan.  The girls play so well together and I love having them at our house so we asked Leanne if we could keep them overnight and we got to have a cousins sleepover!  So darn cute they are.  I made them more waffles Monday morning and just got to be silly with them before it was time for me to head back over to Nonnie and Papa's to keep going on the moving.  I told Julie we should open our own moving company after this.  JK Moving Company... and we aren't kidding.  She didn't laugh.  LOL  We are almost there.  They are almost entirely moved.  Things are almost back to "normal" if they were ever normal to begin with.

The girls started dance yesterday.  I feel like the show was just yesterday, but here we were back in the swing of things.  It felt good and the girls seemed to enjoy their classes.  Layla is now in an hour class and I was delighted with how well she paid attention.  Hopefully the dynamic of this group will keep her focused!  Hannah's class is now an hour and a half and she has added jazz to the mix.  She was so excited to now own jazz shoes.  She did great and I was glad to see that her dance friend Mackenzie is back in the group!  Sp both girls now have their classes on Tuesdays which will leave the weekends open for Hannah's hockey.  Let the crazy sports calendar begin!!!  Poor Cam!  We've got to find something for him soon!

I can't believe that we are here in September.  One of my favorite months.  I can't help but say the word and automatically sing, "Do you remember, 21st night of September, Love was changing the mind of pretenders, while chasing the clouds away," by Earth, Wind and Fire. You know what else is so special about September?  It's National Childhood Cancer Awareness Month!  Yes it is!  You all know how passionate I am about helping to find a cure for many childhood cancers.  I am going to continue to be passionate about finding a cure as long as I am on this planet and I am asking for your help as well.  PLEASE consider making a donation.  The smallest amount WILL HELP!  My three favorite donation sites you can find here in honor of Layla Grace Marsh , Ronan Thompson and Michael Cotrone.  These two little angels and cancer warrior are the sole reason why I have decided to light a fire under my butt and get out there and raise awareness.  Maybe you could order a bracelet or even just SPREAD THE WORD!  Throw it up on your facebook status or Tweet about it.  Anything at all... will go a great ways and help save children's lives!  There are so many things you can do to put a smile on a child's face who may be suffering from this disease!  Hannah has been collecting soda tabs all on her own to bring to Hasbro to help raise money for their child cancer ward.  We also put together a bin of toys that we plan to take over to the hospital as well.  These simple things make a difference.. they truly do!  So please jump on board with me and help spread the word this September! 

I'd like to leave with a note to each of my babies letting them know how grateful and thankful I am for them in my life.  They are what get me out of bed every morning.  My three tiny (okay maybe not so tiny anymore) miracles.....

     Cameron.  You are just plain NUTS!  Crazy nuts!  I say this in a good way and I am not complaining at all.  I just have never known either of your sisters to be as crazy as you!  You are all over the place and into everything that most days I find myself running in 3 different directions to just try and keep up with you.  You now try and do pull ups onto the kitchen table.  You are attempting to climb on top of the stove and Daddy found you out in the driveway after taking his eyes off of you for 30 seconds. (SCARY) You opened the front door and walked out!  God bless your 13.5 month old soul!  You are going to be my adventure seeker.. I can see it already.  I love to watch you shape into this little baby boy who is so determined and stubborn.  At the same time you love to laugh, giggle and bang your head into mine, which is your official way of showing me love.  LOL.  I love you baby boy.  I love you for you.  I love you for completing our family and making us a family of five.   I love you crazy!

     Layla.  My Layla cakes.  How lonely these days are without you at the office.  I miss you so much.  I wish you were here with me.  Yet I know you are where you belong.  I have to accept it and try and get my fill of love and hugs from you during the evenings.  Which you thankfully give me plenty of.  You are such a joyful, funny child that I am often laughing at your antics.  You're silly and you're my love bug at the same time.  I love my time at night with you when everyone else is sleeping and the two of us are up giggling and talking.  When you tell me that I'm the bestest Mommy in the whole wide world and how much you love me.  I can tell you are growing up on me, but I am also holding on to that part of you that is still my little Layla baby.  There is still a part of you that loves to be babied and I will take that for as long as I can get it.  I look forward to our Tuesdays and Thursdays when you are here with me.  I can't believe that you are soon approaching your 4th birthday.  How quickly time flies.  I can still remember those first few days with you wrapped up in your purple blanket in the hospital... it seems like just yesterday.  I love you my Layla bug.  My clone.  I love you to infinity and beyond!

     Hannah banana meatball.  SECOND GRADE.  You are in second grade.  How did that happen?  You are so old and mature to me now.  So independent and eccentric.  You march to the beat of a different drummer and I love that about you.  You are a leader.  You seem to like this year in school and I am hoping that this will be a great year for you.  I don't often worry about you because you are such a strong child.  You are my helper of all helpers.  I love how much you come to my rescue and help me with your brother and sister.  You're my early riser.  You wake up happy and rearing to go.  Last night you told me that you were going to get up earlier than me so that you could make me breakfast.  You have such a sweet side to you.  I find you being a bit more affectionate with me.  Last night, while I was laying with you and Layla, you fell asleep holding my hand again.  I hope that you continue this affection because I eat it up and love to give it in return.  I love you my little Rock Star.. I know you are going to do great things in this life.  I can feel it.  I love you meatball... To the moon and stars and back! 

xo

The girls with Santa...

Some shots of the Kanaczet Family



TGIF - Insert Katy Perry's song here....

We're alive!  It's Friday!  THANK GOD it's FRIDAY!  I don't think I have ever been so excited for a weekend to start.  Not because we have anything fun planned but because this week is OVER!  Goodbye!  Good riddance!  Did I survive the girl's first day of school?  Yes.  Was I an emotional wreck? Yes.  I had all of two minutes to cry and be a mess before I had to head directly into moving my parents who have been without power for 6 days.  By day 2 with a broken generator, my father had enough and decided to move.  For those who don't know, my childhood home is on the market.  My parents have downsized and bought a smaller home.  They had intended to move in little by little, but under the current circumstances and with no power or water at what we now call the "old" house, we set to work.  It has been a grueling few days and to be quite honest, I would like to forget them all together.  I had many emotions about my parents selling my childhood home.  While I understood the reasoning behind the move and support my father 110% in this decision, I always thought that by the time they were ready to sell, we'd be ready to buy it.  Life hasn't worked out that way and it's not in the cards.  I've accepted that and now, the old house no longer even feels like home to me.  I will always keep the memories close to my heart, but in all reality, I don't think I would be able to live there without having certain emotions about the way it was.  It's time to let go and move on.  I can do that.  So organizing, sorting old from new and what will fit, packing, unpacking, loading cars and unloading cars has been filling most of my days this week.  To the point where I got home last night and starting to go through my own kitchen.  How can I sit there and so neatly organize my parent's house when mine is such a disaster? 


I'm at the point now where I just want my parents settled in their new house.  I want them comfortable and organized.  I want some sort of normalcy back.  Julie and I have been working our tushies off to make this happen.  Juggling kids, drop offs, work and whatnot we have somehow managed to move 99% of the house, on our own.  Have I mentioned that I don't know what I would do without her in my life?  If it weren't for each other, I know we would never be able to get through this phase in our lives.  Somehow, together, we are getting through probably one of the most difficult times we will ever have to endure and I will leave it at that.  Aside from Julie, I thank God every day for these beautiful angels he has given me.  They are my life lines.  They are what is good in this life.  I swear to God they were put on this earth to save me.  They are my happiness.  They are everything that is good in my life.  Unfortunately, I have had very little time to spend with them the past two weeks due to all of the chaos that has been going on and it is affecting me.  I miss them.  I want to just sit and play and color and laugh.  I want to play dress up and I want to play ball.  I feel like I am missing out on so much and it has only been two weeks.  Billy had to pick Hannah up from her first day of school on Wednesday and it killed me.  He got to take her to the park even though it was me who had promised to take her.  I want my life back.  I want my time with them back.  I want the hectiness to end.  Now.


Thankfully the girls seem to be adjusting well to school.  Hannah has a wonderful teacher this year and a FANTASTIC new principal.  I got to meet him yesterday and he is a doll.  I get such a good vibe from him and I am praying that this is the turn around year for McGuire Elementary.  Finger's crossed.  I was worried Layla would be upset at drop off today because all summer she kept telling me that I need to drop her off and leave her there.  She got a kick out of telling me this.  Her attempt at being independent I presume and watching what we do when dropping Hannah off at school.  Last night she told me that she would like for me to stay at school with her.  I gulped.  Thankfully though, she was so excited to have Cousin Addy at school with her today that she forgot all about wanting Mommy... even though Mommy would have done anything to get on the floor and play with her at preschool all day.  I think I would have even enjoyed nap time tremendously!  Driving to drop Hannah off afterwards was so weird.  I kept looking at her empty car seat wanting to lose it.  Two other kids and the car and yet I felt so lonely.  After dropping Hannah off it was just Cam and I.  Just the two of us heading into the office together.  All I can say is, Thank God I had a third.  I cant imagine going through this without having him to keep me distracted.  And distracted he certainly keeps me.  The kid is a moose!  He's huge!  He's into EVERYTHING and has quite the temper lately.  VERY strong willed.  He reminds me sooo much of Hannah at this age.  He's like the male version of her!  He seems to be doing okay without his sidekick Layla here to occupy his time.  It's good for us too, to have this alone time as well.... even though I would do anything to have all three by my side.  As I type, he is giving me that toothy grin of his and I just want to eat his face off!


Last night after the kids went to sleep, I ended up going to see my Ana Banana for a bit.  It has been months since we sat and talked.  It was such a nice, crisp evening and I was so grateful for this time with her.  Just chatting away and discussing life.  It made me feel the most normal I have felt in weeks.  Just being there and talking like we use to before the summer got so hectic.  I hope we can continue this tradition!  It's like therapy for me!  I went to bed on the late side and woke up to Hannah climbing in bed with us.  So weird that she has been doing this a bit more lately.  She curled up between Billy and I and went to sleep.  Billy woke up really early for work and found Layla sitting up in her bed.  He carried her to ours and the girls and I curled up and slept.  I cant tell you how much I adore this.  I don't care how tired I am.  Something about this cuddle time with them just melts my heart.  Hannah fell asleep holding my hand and Layla was curled up right into my side with her arms wrapped around me.  I don't think I could have felt more loved.  These are the times I want to remember forever.  I am grateful for every single one of these moments I have with my children...

Happy 3rd Birthday to my niece Addison!  We love you very much dolly!  xoxoxo

And this is why I will be okay....

 

Loving on the beans

This week has totally come in and saved the day!  We had a GREAT week and I am so thankful and so blessed to have enjoyed many little miracle moments with these beans of mine.  The week prior had been a bit of an adjustment with taking three kids to work and making it work for all of us.  Add in just a few other responsibilities and my lack of patience got the best of me.  Not this week.  This week ROCKED!  Maybe it was because the week was centered around my Meatball's 7th Birthday or maybe it was because I am now in a routine.  Either way, it rocked and I'm grateful!


Hannah had such a great week and she has been on her best behavior!  Thankfully because that little girl had been getting a bit of a fresh mouth the week prior.  All of her birthday celebrations were a blast.  From her Makenzie, Arielle sleepover to her Rockin' Roller Skating party.  Baby, Baby, OH was her cake a delight and she could not have had a bigger smile on her face.  This week was full of FUN and we enjoyed every single second of it.  My new routine of getting up at 5:00AM to walk also allowed me to have extra time to get things done (laundry, dishes, etc..) in the morning and therefore I was able to soak up the kids all the more.  I am so not a 5:00AM girl, but I am learning to be.  Now if I can just learn to get my butt in bed earlier I would be all set!


I found time to love on each of these bugs separately this week and it warmed my soul.  From showering Hannah with birthday love and having her crawl into my bed and snuggle up close, to having Layla climb up on my lap so I could sing to her while she hugged and kissed me, to rocking my baby boy and teaching him how to blow kisses... I took the time to take in these moments and realize how special they are.  Have I mentioned that I now have a WALKING baby boy?  He wins the award for being the youngest to walk.  Hannah was 13 and a half months and Layla was 14 months.  What I wouldn't do to freeze these moments in time.  I just keep praying to God that He gives me all the time in the world with my love bugs.  Please just let it stay the way it is.  This world can be such a cruel, cruel place.  If you turn on the news there are horrible, awful stories of horrible, awful things happening to children.  If you you follow any of the same child cancer blogs that I do, you see that there are too many parents dealing with the cruel loss of a child or watching their child suffer and all they can do is watch helplessly.  These awful things happen to good people.  Good people who cherish their children.  I'm not naive to know that I am safe from any of this.  I just pray that the Lord keeps us all healthy and keeps my blessings safe from any harm.  They are my life.  My world. I don't exist without them.  Sometimes you have to remind yourself that the best gifts you have, are right in front of your face.  I use the blogs I read about these cancer warriors to keep me grounded and remind me of this. 

If I had my child to raise all over again,

I'd build self-esteem first, and the house later.

I'd finger-paint more, and point the finger less.

I would do less correcting and more connecting.

I'd take my eyes off my watch, and watch with my eyes.

I'd take more hikes and fly more kites.

I'd stop playing serious, and seriously play.

I would run through more fields and gaze at more stars.

I'd do more hugging and less tugging.

~Diane Loomans, from "If I Had My Child To Raise Over Again"

Taking it all in

The summer has officially begun and we are rolling with it.  While it truly stinks to have to work this summer as opposed to being on Maternity Leave last summer, we are still finding ways to make it rock!  The girls did AWESOME in their recital, as I knew they would.  I am so in awe of Hannah and how much she has matured this year with dance.  She was front and center in her routines and I was so proud to be watching her every move.  Reliving my childhood.  Layla was a hoot.  That is probably an understatement.  She was so darn cute and her mannerisms during her performance were priceless.  Perhaps the most priceless of all was during the finale when the curtain opened and she was right up front facing backwards.  Once she heard the laughter, she turned around and laughed too.  Then, somehow she spotted Papa and that was it.  She spent the rest of the finale screaming out to him and waving frantically, "HI PAPA!"  Can't wait to receive the video and watch it over and over again. 

After the recital we headed out to lunch with Daddy and then came home to give Cameron a nap and pack the car back up for the beach.  The four of us (Daddy stayed behind) headed down to RCB around dinner time.  The weather was perfect and we were all excited to have the house to ourselves for the weekend.  We got settled in and had dinner on the deck overlooking the ocean.  Hannah and Layla were so rived up though that it took forever to get them settled into bed that evening.Cameron also had a tough time falling asleep which is so unlike him.  I worried that he had an ear infection.  Finally after everyone's eyes closed, I went on the deck and enjoyed some "me" time.  I listened to the roaring waves crash and I made my wishes amongst the glowing stars.  How I love the beach at night.  It's so peaceful and calming for me.  Cameron woke up crying and I rocked him on the deck for an hour.  He just nestled in my arms and would look up at me and flash me a smile every now and again to show me that he loved me.  God I love him. 

We spent Sunday on the beach before Daddy came to meet us and we headed over to Galilee.  We ate at George's, one of my favorite places and while we ate outside I began to get sad over the vacation I was missing.  My favorite Block Island vacation.  It just wasn't in the cards this year since we had taken our Disney vacation in February.  There are so many of us now that we would have needed our own place, but RATS how I wish we were out there.  This was the first summer in over 10 years that we haven't taken our week's vacation there.  I decided to see if I could make a ferry reservation for a day with the car.  Low and behold, there were Monday spots available so we decided to head to our favorite Island.  We gave Miss Julie Moolie fresh tears upon us running up to the deck to surprise her for the day.  It was the medicine we surely needed and we managed to jam pack our day with all the things we usually do during the entire vacation week.  From the beach, to the playground, to Star Market for our Croc's and sweatshirts.. we fit it in and Mommy even got to have her Banana Mudslide at Champlins!  It was the PERFECT day and we all soaked it up as much as possible.  It was hard to leave and hard to say goodbye to our family and chosen families.  We did with some tears shed, but at least we were able to see our favorite Island for just one day.  We've begun a fund for next year so that we may rent our own place and be back where we belong.  Hannah has already made $10 and has put it in an envelope to contribute.  She'll go to ask for something in a store and then say, "Oh no, forget it Mom, We'll save that money for Block Island."  Poor bug..she is really missing her favorite place.

After leaving the beach house Tuesday morning and heading to work for the day, we had Mr. Nicholas's 7th Birthday Party.  I dropped Cam off with Grammy and we headed to the movie theater.  We partied at Papa Gino's first and then settled into the theater to watch Car's 2.  I LOVED it.  Everyone else said they liked the first one better, but I really enjoyed this one.  Maybe it is because I am so used to girl movies that I get a kick out of little boy's movie's now?  Hmmm???  Anyhow, I loved it and we all had a blast.  Nicholas certainly enjoyed his evening and he LOVED his hockey net courtesy of the Murphy's and Lambrese's.  By this point the kids were exhausted and went to sleep quite easily.

Yesterday we fit in a walk to the park and to Cool Lick's after work.  It felt good to be out and about walking with the kids, even though Hannah complained the entire way.  We've got to get her back into shape for hockey!  I thought the hard play in the park and the long walk would zonk them out, but at one point in the night, Billy and I awoke to the two little princesses in our bed.  I vaguely remember changing Layla's pull-up during the night and practically falling off the side of the bed with no room.  (The good thing about sleeping pills is that you can function in Zombie Land and not remember much.)

Cameron had his 1 year appointment today and he did great.  Well... aside from the fact that he has 5th's Disease.  Common I know and will go away, but there is the answer to his fussiness over the past week or so.  OYE!  There goes our fun filled Holiday Weekend!  lol  I am sure we will still fit in some fun events!  He is 22.5 lbs, at one year and that seems to be the record for the biggest at this age.  Hannah was 20lbs even and Layla was lucky to be 16lbs at this age!  He is going to catch up to her soon.  He did grow and inch, so maybe, just maybe, he will start sprouting up in the height department.  He did excellent with his shots and barely made a fuss at all.  He is just so easy, despite the fact that at any given moment he is into everything and all over the place.  It comes with the age and I wouldn't change a thing.  I love having this baby boy to keep me laughing throughout my days. 


For those of you who don't know, my parent's house is on the market.  There is so much to say on this subject that I am unable to say.  I support my father 100% in this decision because I know it makes sense and is the "right" thing to do.  However, I am not going to lie and say that it isn't breaking my heart into pieces to be faced with losing this piece of my childhood.  I thought there would be more time.  I thought there would be a few more years so that Billy and I would be financially secure enough to buy it.  I am still holding onto a miracle that something will fall into place and we will take up residence where I had the most beautiful childhood any kid could ask for.  I am not ready to say goodbye to this house and the memories that go along with it.  I'd like to hold onto them just a bit longer.  I can't promise you that if someone makes a good offer, I wont try and sabotage it.  Just warning you now.  I'll be the Jan Brady chaining herself to the tree...   Miranda Lambert's "The House That Built Me" has been haunting me all week.  Don't put it past me to do something drastic! LOL  I am not the same goody two shoes I once was for Pete's sake! 

"You're just like a dream Cameron. You're just a dream."

My darling little Chubba Luv,

I just walked into my office as Layla was saying, "You're just a dream Cameron, You're just a dream."  She said this as she snuggled you in the pack n play.  What better way to start your letter than with this sentence.  You are a dream to me Cameron.  I still pinch myself because I can't believe that I am a mother of a beautiful baby boy.


I found out I was pregnant with you Columbus Day Weekend, 2009.  We had just gotten home from New Hampshire and boom... I realized I was pregnant.  Daddy was a bit nervous because the truth of the matter is, when is he not nervous?  I, was not.  I wanted you so badly.  I was so excited to be pregnant for a third time.  The only nerves I had were as they pertained to your health.  I was so scared that something would be wrong with you for some reason.  As with your sisters, I was sick as a dog for you too.  I peed on the stick one day and then began vomiting the next.  Literally.  It was different with you though.  More of a constant nausea all day long and then at dinner time I would vomit.  I found that if I ate little snacks throughout the day, I could get through the nausea.  But come dinner time, like clockwork, I would get sick.  Then again while I would read the girls their bedtime story.  This lasted through my entire pregnancy that it became routine.  I'd be in mid sentence and Hannah would say, "Go ahead Mom, go puke."  I would and then come back to finish the book for her.


From day one, I had a hunch you would be a boy.  Just a feeling.  I wasn't positive, but it was my guess.  I hate the fact that I am going to admit this next statement to you but to be honest, I was completely scared out of my mind to have a boy.  How was I to take care of a boy?  I had no idea.  What a silly way to feel, now that I have had you in my arms for almost a year.  I didn't tell anyone about you until I was 12 weeks along.  12 weeks!  That was huge for me!  Not even Auntie Ju Ju knew!  I was so afraid of losing you that I wanted to make sure before I told everyone.  Grammy and Grampy were ecstatic!  We told them on Grammy's Birthday and I presented her with a wall frame about being grandparents.  I had pictures of your sister in it and then a picture of you from my ultrasound.  We told Nonnie and Papa on their anniversary.  We had the whole night planned with dinner and music and all the details were just so, but then our kitchen ceiling collapsed and a water pipe burst.  We moved the party over to Julie's and she caught wind of my disappointment about not being able to tell Nonnie and Papa the way I had planned.  So technically she did know first, but just by an  hour or so! LOL  In the end, it didn't really matter, because they were so thrilled! 


I continued on carrying you in my belly and loving every minute of it.  I truly did.  You were so very much more active than the girls were in my belly.  I felt you all the time and your movements were so strong.  You'd take my whole body with you at times when you were flipping about.  You were the first baby of ours that we didn't find out the sex for.  I had a million ultrasounds and it was a tease each time.  We stayed strong and turned our heads.  Towards Spring I began to get restless again.  Once I hit that 38 week mark my head goes all crazy.  This time though, I began to get uncomfortable.  Constant contractions that would never stay.  I would get them 5 minutes apart for hours and then they would stop.  I had them so often that I began to go out of my mind.  The week of your due date (June 13th) was when everything really changed.  I began to get these gut wrenching pains that I could barely breath through.  They were so sharp and painful.  It was a Wednesday night when I had gone upstairs to put laundry away and I just fell to the floor in the girl's room because I couldn't take the pain.  I think I closed my eyes for a bit because Daddy found me lying there.  Papa called and told me he was on his way over and that I needed to go to the ER.  I tried to protest, but he wouldn't hear of it.  We left at about 8:00PM.  I knew from my doctor's appointment that day that I was already dilated 4cm's.  They checked and I was still 4 cm's but I was contracting every 3 minutes.  While I was at the hospital, the pain began to get worse.  I told your Daddy that I wasn't leaving without giving birth to you.  At one point the doctor told me she was going to send me home with some Ambien and to come back when I was dilated more.  I went nuts!  How on earth would I know when I was dilated more?  I was 4cm's and contracting every 3 minutes, was she serious?  I was that patient.. yes I was.. that said, I will not leave this hospital until I have this baby!  Thankfully, she pulled some strings and got me upstairs into a room.


Once I got there, I knew how it would go.  I was so excited tom meet you!  I got the epi right away.  I dilated full right away.  Daddy and I went over names and the nurse tried to help us.  We were helpless with boy's names.  Our girl's name was Charlotte.  I rested, Daddy slept and then I knew it was time.  A few quick pushes later, out you came.  The doctor yelled, "It's a boy!"  They all had bets that you were a girl.  I think I was shocked at first that I was right about you being a boy.  Then they put you in my arms and for sure, you were a boy.  Daddy and I were smitten from the first moment we held you.  You were gorgeous.. Our first little beautiful baby boy, born at 3:54AM on Thursday June 10th.  Weighing 8lbs 1 oz. 


Yet, we had no name for you little man!  Well, that's not entirely true.  I wanted you to be Crosby.  Everyone hated it except for Auntie Ju Ju.  I still love that name though.  Daddy wanted you to be Tyler.  I couldnt do it.  It just didnt fit our family.  While holding you and admiring you, Daddy said, "Cameron."  Now that fit.  Cameron, Cam for short, fit right into our family.  It also had it's ties to hockey.  Daddy wasn't backing down so Cameron John was your name little guy!  (John after Grampy).  That day was so perfect.  I had a few hours with you to love on you while Daddy went home to shower and get the girls.  They came back with Nonnie & Papa and Grammy in tow.  The girls came in first and Hannah went bazurk over you being a boy!  She melted my heart with her excitement over you.  She called you "CJ" from day one.  Layla too, was smitten.  Excited to the max.  They were like two little doting mothers, holding you and loving on you.  Hannah was so excited that she demanded to go to school so that she could tell her entire Kindergarten class.  (Who in return, made you a heap of congratulations cards!  It was the sweetest sentiment and I cried when Hannah came back to the hospital holding them.)  Nonnie, Papa were thrilled to meet their newest grandson and Grammy was to the MOON with excitement over the fact that she now had a grandson after 4 granddaughters.  She called Grampy right away and told him the good news. I think I kept looking at you and shaking my head in disbelief that I now would be a mother to a baby boy.  I was beyond thrilled to be able to hold you in my arms and cuddle you to sleep that first night.  YOU my baby boy, made us a family of five and I couldn't be happier!

You came home and filled our house with so much more love than we could have ever imagined.  You were an easy baby from day one and as long as I kept you fed, you were happy.  You loved to nurse but you were always such a "Feekanozz" (not sure of the spelling on that one but it is an Italian word meaning always interested in what's going on around you.)  I would nurse you, you'd stop look around for a bit and then go back to nursing.  Just making sure you weren't missing out on anything!   From the get go you were out and about with me, going to the girls dance recitals, picking Hannah up from school, trekking to dance classes, hockey, CCD, work and the bazillion other things that I do.  You were so easy going that you never really minded.  YOU ARE MY SLEEPER!  Wait.. I'm just going to repeat that.  YOU ARE MY SLEEPER!  LOL  You take two naps a day and you go down at night IN YOUR CRIB by 7:ooPM or so because you LOVE to SLEEP!  Once you are down, that's it.  You're down and you sleep til about 6:00am or so.  You most certainly win the award for the best sleeper in the house baby boy! 

You are such a sweet, loving, HEALTHY baby and I think I got real extra lucky because like your sister, you are a cuddle bug too!  Your big, brown eyes captivate me.  You are very laid back and you usually just go with the flow.... "third baby syndrome!"  You are a Mama's boy to the core!  At almost a year old, you have now started freaking out if I even walk out of the room.  You are most comfortable in my arms, letting me carry you from place to place and you know me, I love every second of it.  I have seen a real big difference in the way the girls were and the way you were with milestones.  You, from day one, were so much more mobile and alert.  You rolled over at a month old and began to crawl at 7 months.  You get annoyed with your knees hitting the floor so you like to monster crawl so your knees don't hurt.  We are three weeks before your 1st Birthday and you are about to take your first step.  You zoom from place to place and you are into EVERYTHING! LOL  You climb, you explore, you investigate and you love the vacuum cleaner.  If I take it out, you go nuts!  You usually end up chasing me all over the place trying to keep up with the vacuum as I clean.  It is hysterical!  Clean I must, because boy you are the messiest eater of the three as well.  Not in the mood for something?  Boom off the highchair tray it goes!  I have to vacuum after your every meal.   You hate bibs and rip them off within seconds.  You are my BEST eater though and you will eat anything and everything under the sun.  (Except peanut butter.... we're not going near that til you're 30, okay?)  You LOVE your fruit!  Strawberries, blueberries and your favorite are bananas.  I cut one in half and your eyes light up because you know it is yours.  Your love of food has made me dub you "Chubba Luv" and this nickname fits you perfectly.  You have this big round sweet face with only two little baby teeth on the bottom.  You have the most infectious smile and an adorable belly laugh.  You love it when I sing to you, which I must do every time I change you because the one thing you truly hate, is being changed.  You kick, you scream and you wiggle loose every time we try.  Yet, if I sing.. You'll turn over, look in my eyes and flash me a one of a kind smile.  You are a darling, a blessing and you are my boy.   You are your sisters' toy.  Their doll.  Their baby.  They love to take care of you and you have a very special bond with each of them.  Most mornings, I find Hannah in your crib playing with you and making you laugh.  Layla wakes up and the first words out of her mouth are, "Where's Cameron?"  They adore you and you them.  What more could a mother ask for?  Nothing.  I am perfectly content and smitten with my family of five. 

As we approach your 1st Birthday, I am sad that my baby boy's first year has flown by so very quickly, but I am so very much looking forward to all the wonderful things the future holds for you.  We have so many memories yet to make and I look forward to seeing your little personality develop even more.  Thank you my Chubba Luv, for completing our family.  Thank you for brightening my days and thank you, for choosing me to be your Mommy.  I love you with all my heart!

Our favorite song:

Baby Face

Marissa Jaret Winokur & the Canine Jazz Band

(BEST VERSION EVER!)

Baby Face, You've got the cutest little... baby face

There's not another one could take your place, Baby Face

My poor heart is jumping, you sure have started something.

Baby Face, I'm up in heaven when I'm in your fond embrace

I didnt need a shove, Cause I just fell in love with your pretty baby,

with your pretty Baby Face...

Baby Face, I'm up in heaven when I'm in your fond embrace,

I didn't need a shove, I just fell in love, with your pretty baby face.

Baby Face, you've got the cutest little, baby face

There's not another who one who'd take your place, Baby Face

My poor heart is jumping, you sure have started something

Baby Face, I'm up in heaven when I'm in your fond embrace

I didn't need a shove, Cause I just fell in love with your pretty baby,

With your pretty baby face...

Baby Face, I'm up in heaven when I'm in your fond embrace

I didn't need a shove, Cause I just, fell in love

With your pretty baby face....



Rainy Wednesdays

I haven't much to report today.  It's one of those rainy days when you wish you could be curled up on the couch with the kids watching a Disney movie.  Layla is in a bit of a mood from not sleeping well last night.  I had them in bed at 7:30 but unfortunately they giggled and played for almost two and a half hours and didn't fall asleep until 10:00.  Thankfully, Hannah seemed okay this morning.  She can be wicked if she doesn't get enough sleep.  Cameron had a tough time going down last night as well.  He is normally my easiest.  I put him in the crib, he curls up with his blankets and goes right out.  Last night however, he needed a little help.  To be honest... I loved it.  I sat and rocked him for a while as he curled up in my arms.  I think I gave him about 1,000 kisses and each time he smiled up at me.  I can't believe this baby boy is 11 months.  Heck, I still can't believe I have a baby boy!

I am feeling a little tired myself.  I think it is these boogie allergies that have me achy and well, drawn out.  My eyes are heavy with dark circles.  I couldn't quite cover up the exhausted look today.  Does anyone have any good products they can recommend?  I've had two coffees and still cant quite seem to snap out of it!

Heading to dance with Hannah banana today and there are only a few more weeks left until recital time.  Today though, will be different because PETE is HOME!  I am so excited for him to see Brenna dance.  I still cant even handle that he is home and staying home.  Praise the Lord that he doesn't have to go back to Iraq.  He is home and he is safe.  I couldn't be happier. 

I was finally able to get through Mommy Maya's post last night.  I waited until I was alone and I sat in bed and read and cried.   There are no words.  No words seem to even come close to the compassion I have for this family and how angry I am that cancer took another child's life.  Please continue to keep this family in your prayers.  http://www.rockstarronan.com/

Stay well my friends..xoxoxo

"I pray that God will fill your heart with dreams.  And that faith gives you the courage to dare to do great things.  I'm here for you whatever this life brings.  So let my love give you roots and help you find your wings."  Mark Harris

It was a long week. It was a tough week. It was an extremely emotional week. Yet, we did pull through and at the very end of the week, stood my baby boy's Baptism. How very happy I was to have a celebration to look forward to after a week filled with sadness and many tears. The day could not have been more perfect! The weather was absolutely gorgeous and somehow by the grace of God I had planned everything just right so that there was no stress and no rushing around. The Lord was definitely present!

Auntie Jill and Uncle Dave had come over early enough so Jill could dress baby Cameron. It is the Italian tradition to have the Godmother dress the baby into his Baptismal attire. This attire was bought by the Godparents and it was just so perfect for Cameron. It's golden ivory tone was exactly what I had wanted. We were able to get some pictures out on the deck as well with plenty of time to spare!

Cameron looked dashing in this Baptism attire and he was so very good in Church! He is just the sweetest little boy! Father Najim performed the hat trick as he had Baptized the girls as well. Just this time the venue was different as we are now parishioners of St. Augustine's. The whole ceremony was beautiful and personal being that it was private. The girls looked gorgeous in their fancy dresses and I was just so happy to be celebrating this day with the family. After the week that had passed, I made sure to say an extra prayer of thanks that I still had so many loving family members surrounding us. What a truly remarkable day as my baby Cameron entered into his Catholic faith!

The reception was FANTASTIC! I absolutely adore Via Roma and all of it's Italian ambiance! It was exactly how I had imagined it. The cake was GORGEOUS and tasted simply delicious as it was from Scialo Brothers Bakery up on Federal Hill as well. I will most certainly be ordering from them again! The photographs that I had taken of Cameron were the perfect centerpieces along with the hydrangeas I had dried from our yard. Mom Murphy had whipped up some scrumptious chocolate covered Oreo cookie favors and they were so yummy as well. (Rumor has it that Miss Julie was devouring them when the guests weren't looking!) HA! It all goes to that new niece or nephew I will be having in less than two months! The food was phenomenal and everyone remarked about it. The ambiance.. well it was just perfect. A family celebration set to Sinatra and Bennet, who could ask for anything more? I can't thank our parents and Jill & dave enough for helping to make this such a spectacular day!

I am surely saying my prayers this week. Last week is gone but I am still keeping Helen and her family in these prayers as well as Peter, Tammi & Brenna. I wish there were something more I could do, but I will certainly keep the prayers coming.

Onward to planning a 3rd Birthday Party for Miss Layla Cakes!

Where's That Mother of the Year Award?

Once again I have been nominated for the "Mother of the Year" award. Sheesh.. I'll tell ya. We started out well with Hannah and school and it quickly crumbled. Her first three days went smooth without much todo. The long weekend came and then Tuesday morning arrived. I walked her to the play area and sat in the car to watch her to be sure she would be okay until it was time to enter the building. (I'll get into the school's safety issues in due time). In the blink of an eye I see her wailing. I run out of the car to her and realized that she had fallen and had skinned her knee. With that skinned knee came a massive meltdown. Crying hysterically she begins to tell me that she in fact does not like school at all and has been lying about liking it. She doesn't want to go and she wants to stay with me. At which point she grasped onto my legs and wouldn't let go for dear life. I was so completely taken aback that I don't think I spoke for a few seconds. My Hannah? Not want to run right into school? Wants to be with ME? This is COMPLETELY uncharacteristic of Hannah. She is my independent, eager to learn new things, can't wait to be with my friends, Hannah. WHAT HAPPENED? She was obviously not letting go so after retrieving the other kids from the car I walked her to the nurse's office where she was bandaged up. When the nurse had her happy and distracted, I made my exit. The next few days went much the same with me leaving her in tears lined up to walk into the building. It BROKE my heart! I have been so confused as to what is going on and how she transitioned so well last year and not this year. All I can come up with is that we had such a loving, caring, nurturing and sweet Kindergarten teacher. This year, I have yet to meet her 1st grade teacher. (Again, this will be addressed in a future post). I have seen her once at dismissal and that has been the extent of it. She seems nice enough, but I am not sure if one could compare to Miss Geremia who is now Mrs. Thomas. As I am totally perplexed by the situation, I also know that I can't overreact and that we just have to give it some time and allow Hannah to settle back into the routine. I am sure me having the summer off to be with her has aided in this difficult adjustment as well. AND there is that matter of new baby Cameron also. So I made a deal with myself that I would keep a close eye on the situation but also give it enough time to fully asses before I go in the school all crazy Mom like.

INSERT WEEKEND STORY HERE: As if Hannah wasn't having a tough time already, CCD started on Sunday. She was SO excited because this meant she would be seeing Nya the third musketeer of their group. The three of them are the best of friends and Nya moved to Cranston this summer so Hannah has been bummed about not having her around in class, etc.. So she and Makenzie save a seat in the middle for Nya and their reunion. Nya comes in and they are delighted. Then Nicholas comes in (Hannah's "boyfriend" and my good friend's son) and they are all so happy to be together. They start to call the classes to line up and go into the classrooms and they get to Hannah's age group. They call Nya, Makenzie, then Nicholas.. and they send them to the class. Hannah is sitting all alone and suddenly realizes, they are all together in class and she is all alone without anyone she knows in the other class. I think I literally felt my heart break for her as I ran to scoop her up as the tears were streaming down her face. After comforting her for a few minutes, I marched her down to the class where her friends were and explained the situation to the teacher who was more than willing to have her stay in his class. I then explained the situation to Sister Dot who was more than willing to accommodate the situation. Sighhhhh Could Hannah have had a more traumatic week? LOL


Fast forward to yesterday when I get a phone call from the school nurse telling me she has Hannah in her office. She is complaining of her throat and a stuffy nose. She hasn't got a fever and her throat is barely pink. When I asked to speak with her, I was told I couldn't.. well because she is complaining of a sore throat and all.. and germs.. and the phone.. Not quite sure exactly why she couldn't alcohol the phone afterwards, but okay, I go with it. So I throw the other kids in the car and leave my studio work in Pawtucket to go assess the situation. When I get there, I get the feeling that Hannah is now putting the school nurse out. I explained that we are having some transition issues and she replies, "Well she is making a habit out of coming down to my office." As I was about to address this, Hannah came bounding down the hallway wanting to show Layla her classroom. (For ambiance.. add in the fact that Layla is melting down due to an interrupted nap and Cameron is screaming his head off) I looked at her and asked her if she were well enough to go back to class. She replied she was and I sent her right back as I left to calm the younger two.

When Hannah came home I grilled her about how many times she had been to the nurse's office. She said 3 times in total. Once the day she skinned her knee with me and twice yesterday. Before lunch she went down and the nurse told her to go to lunch and see if she felt better. After lunch she went back stating she wasn't feeling better. I believe this. I believe the visits were 3 in total. I explained to Hannah that if she was okay to be in class then she cant keep going down to the nurse's office. I went into great depth about Emily, the girl who cried wolf so many times that when she was telling the truth, nobody believed her. I grilled it into her to make sure she understood the difference and I do believe the point was driven home. I understand that the nurse probably thinks she is this type of child because she is new and doesn't know Hannah so I am going to have to speak to her tomorrow and explain the situation.


As I got in about 9:30 last night from the gym, I went upstairs to shower and I heard her crying. I went into her room and realized she was half awake, half asleep. My heart immediately sank. I knew.. I knew... I just knew she REALLY didnt feel well and all along she WAS telling the truth. I felt HORRIBLE for drilling her earlier when all along she just didnt feel right and couldn't vocalize it. (Something that Hannah never could do, I believe due to all the pain she was in as an infant). A few more episodes of her crying and I woke her up completely and gave her Motrin and let her sleep in my bed. Sure enough she said it was her ear that hurt. This time the right one. When she got up this morning she said she felt much better. I also noticed she slept longer than she has been. For some reason she has been getting up quite early lately. Even though she said she was better, I made the appointment at the doctor. She didn't have school and I wanted peace of mind.


Not only does Hannah have an ear infection.. HER TUBES ARE OUT! I repeat.. HER TUBES ARE OUT! These are the third set of tubes that she has had inserted and these tubes WERE ONLY PUT IN LESS THAN TWO MONTHS AGO! July 13th to be exact! I was literally beside myself! Seeing that our appointment was with the nurse practitioner and the office was slamming, I knew there wouldn't be time to pull Dr. Sowa aside and voice my concerns. I am going to have to make that phone call tomorrow. Yet, where do we go from here? Do they insert them AGAIN? DO they wait? DO we go through the entire winter with her in pain and missing school? WHAT am I supposed to do? Mind you that I am completely TERRIFIED of going through another ruptured ear drum experience. So here I sit completely dumbfounded about the situation. I am sure after a good night's sleep I will figure the solution and proper steps to take.. I am just completely exhausted with all of this sickness drama lately! Layla currently has a double ear infection. This I know only after taking Cameron in last week for his terrible diaper rash (which turned out to be yeast and eczema and has cleared quite well with the proper medication) and having Dr. Sowa say, "I hear her wheezing.. let me check her as well." Cameron also caught the cold and is completely congested. OYE! WHAT on earth is this winter going to be like? I'm losing my mind already!

Furthermore, when I went to go take Cam's Baptism photo's at the studio, I realized that the outfit that was made for him was stained! I had ordered it off of Etsy and I am looking at it in the daylight and the linen looks completely bleached stained all over the front of the vest. I freak of course, 1-because I paid money for the outfit and want it to be perfect and 2-because..well I want it to be perfect! I emailed the woman immediately and she was very sweet about the situation yet, she was leaving for vacation today. In the end, I decided to keep the outfit and make do since there wouldn't be enough time to find another and she refunded me 50%. She took her spool of linen outside and saw the same defective fabric. Something that wasn't visible to her or me inside the dimly lit house. She did feel bad and I was ready to live with it until I spoke to my mother in law today who is insisting that it is a sign because my sister in law Jill, Cam's God mother, really wanted to buy the outfit. So now I think I will return the outfit for a complete refund and mom in law and I are heading to Joe's Place tomorrow to search for a new one!

As if one more thing couldn't go wrong, I had uploaded the pics of Cameron I took last week onto the CVS photo website last night to order the 8 x 10's as centerpieces for the Baptism. I thought this was great because I didn't have to lug the kids and do them all myself in the store. I go to pick them up today and they messed them up! I just wanted 8 x 10's. They cropped and blew up images so much so that half of Cam's head was cut out of the shot! SERIOUSLY? I emailed CVS and they told me about their 100% customer satisfaction guaranteed policy and to return them for a full refund. Which I did, but not without complete attitude by the photo person. I am SORRY, but I would like my son's whole head present at his Baptism, thank you very much! What the??? Mon Dieu! I know.. trust me I know that none of this makes any iota of a difference because all that matters is that my beautiful little boy is present for us to contest to raise him in the Catholic Faith. I know this. Yet, that detail oriented part of me sometimes takes over and can really drive me crazy! I was going to be an event planner before I found out I was pregnant for Hannah!

So my long winded post is through and I will leave you by saying.. Stay tuned for my comments about the safety and unorganized craziness of Hannah's school!