A jumbled bunch of thoughts

The title pretty much sums up where I am brain wise this evening. I have so many different thoughts all going through my head that I don't even know how to begin to sort them out. Therefore, I am apologizing ahead of time, if this post runs astray. The most prevalent thought at the moment is, "How do you even begin to say goodbye to your child?" In lieu of an old high school classmate and friend of mine, who is doing just that. I began writing this blog years ago as a way of being able to keep track of all the experiences I have with my children. To keep the memories close to my heart and to be able to go back and reread the many milestones they have already encountered. To be able to smile as I read them over and over again and remember these times as if they were just yesterday. As a way for my children to one day know how very much their mother loves them. My love for them has always been overbearing, this I know. I am overwhelmed by the amount of love I have for each of them. Day in and day out, I am consumed with keeping them safe from any and all harm. "Velcro Mom," as I have been dubbed. I never cared what people thought about how much I strive to keep them close to me at all times. I still don't. I never will. For what I fear the most is what the Mandeville family is currently encountering. The loss of a child. There never seems to be enough time in a day to do all the things that I want to do with my children. To cherish every second and literally sit down and play and teach and cuddle and love them. Before I know it, the day is at an end and they are nestled all snug in their beds as I am left wondering where on earth the day went. I suppose this very thought is what was nagging me on Saturday when I decided to forgo the housework and sit down and play. I did just that. I put aside the cleaning, the laundry and the cooking and I played. For four hours straight we laughed and giggled, snuggled and we drew the most amazing scroll pictures as a welcome home present for Nonnie and Papa. I enjoyed every last bit of it. Somehow the cleaning, cooking and laundry got done (or is still getting done) and it didn't really matter that it didn't get done when I intended it to. What mattered, was that I cherished the gift of time with the three little miracles I love the most. This lesson is something I revisit often. I somehow always end up in a vicious cycle of, "I have to get this done now," and "Okay kids, just one second, Mommy has to do this first." I don't want it to be like this anymore. I want to make a change and stick to it. The kids are growing and they are growing so quickly. These are the times when I need to stop, exhale and take them all in. In the blink of an eye, I know the day will come when I will have all the time in the world to do chores. I want to savour these moments with them now while I have them. I live in fear of experiencing what the Mandeville family is currently undergoing. I know that these blessings are a gift from God and when it is time, He calls them home to Him. How can I possibly not see that the most precious gift I have been given is this time with my babies? I see it, I do, but I need to make some changes to ensure that I am soaking up every last bit of them. As the clock ticks on and my eyes are becoming slits, I will leave you with this. I hope that if you do come to visit the Murphy household that you will most certainly understand why it may be cluttered, in need of a vacuum or mopping. Or if you see some dishes and toys strewn about.. you will know that it is only because I spent my day LOVING my children. With that, I am heading to bed with a very full basket of laundry sitting in the middle of the room waiting to be folded and there it shall sit.. . Please keep Bobby Mandeville and his entire family close to your heart and in your prayers as they now have to figure out how to get through their days without their beautiful daughter, Madison.