I told Billy before I went to bed that there are things that I need to change. That I don't want his support and I won't talk about it again, but that I would be searching and doing everything possible to get ME back. I don't mean to sound harsh or rude about not wanting his support. Aside from Billy not being this big supportive, "Wow you're doing great!" type of person, I also didn't want it to be another excuse on my part. "Well Billy didn't support me so that is why I failed." (Does that make sense?) I want to do this on my own. FOR ME, BY ME. I feel like it is going to be a little journey to find myself again and that is ok. I recognize that it is something that will take time and not just happen overnight. What do I hope to gain from my travels? I hope to find that person that once had inner peace and who was proud of herself. Who had self worth and self respect. That fun loving, carefree, giggle toes of a person. The one who loved who she was and not the one who can't stand to be in her own skin. I know for certain that if I can dig this person back up, all else will fall into place. I know it. I want to provide the best atmosphere for my children, husband and family. I'm tired of the monotonous, boring routine we have found ourselves in. Life is too short. I want to make it the best it can be. I am determined to make it the best it can be. I want to be the best mother and the best wife I can be. So herein lies the challenge. I'm up for it, I am determined. I am just praying that I can find the will power and self discipline it takes. Here goes nothing.
Aside from this revelation, I've got a Layla bug who is under the weather. She has a temp of 103 and is quite congested. She is also extremely MISERABLE. The poor bug is completely put of character. She wouldn't even let me put her down for five seconds yesterday to stir the meatballs. Hopefully we can get her on the mend so she can go back to school on Wednesday. Hannah thankfully, is starting to feel better and is back to sleeping better as well. Her attitude, well.. it's gotten slightly better... but we are going to have to work on that. Let's just say she gave me so much trouble with a shirt she wanted to wear today. She has these crazy vices with articles of clothing. She swore the sleeves werent buttoned properly even though I told her a bazillion times they were. She can't stand the feel of things. I found her in the drawer trying to tape the sleeves. Yes, folks.. she is quite the determined little bugger. After 20 or so minutes of a meltdown, she came over o me and had me button them the same way I first did and then she walked away happy. Sound like anyone else I know? I'm going to make an appointment for the both of them to go to therapy! LOL I kid, but it is actually on my list of things to do! Cam man is still kicking strong over here. We have dubbed him the one man wrecking machine. Currently his favorite food is cottage cheese and he will scream MORE MORE MORE every time I open the fridge and he sees the container. He wants it and he wants it now and he lets you know. He is a riot. I could eat his face off. I can't believe how much he understands what we say. I can tell him to go pick up his toys and he will. I can tell him to go get his cup and he will. He knows exactly what we are asking him to do. He is also a big fan of brushing his teeth. He often goes in the bathroom, grabs the stool and yells, "BREEF BREEF"!!! I have to put several slabs of toothpaste on his Scooby Doo tooth brush before he is ultimately satisfied. I still can't believe how quickly this is all going by with him!
The twins are doing great and are actually breathing on their own. MIRACLES DO HAPPEN! Please continue to keep them in your prayers so that they may grow and come home in a month or so! THANK YOU!
Stay tuned.. for the new ME!
Love these bubble toes!
So very precious!!!
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