Sail on

Yesterday the world lost yet another little cancer warrior, Bella. Her page came to me on facebook and I quickly learned of her journey.  Unfortunately, she was at the end of the journey as I began to read about her.  Stage 4 Neuroblastoma.  This damn Neuroblastoma.  I hate it.  I don't even know it and I hate it.  I try for a half a second to put myself in these paretns' positions and I cant even get through a millisecond of imagining what it must be like to see your child in so much pain and then to live their days through the emptiness of no longer having that child.  It's happening everywhere.  Every day I read about a new little warrior and it truly ticks me off that we can put a stupid land rover on the moon but we cant find a cure for cancer. If this doesnt get your blood boiling to a point where you want to do something then I dont know what will, but take a look at Isabella's journey...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Asz942m1q8&lc=r_UWpmWb2OFlc8CQQjF7X5mANjWK0siyWmH4ZgsT02c&feature=inbox

It was almost three years ago now when I fell in love with little Layla Grace.  The coincidence of having my own Layla Grayce being a mere month older.  There have been so many more little cancer heroes since then but Layla and Ronan the most adorable little rock star, were the two that I just couldn't peel myself away from.  That I felt something for, even as a complete stranger.  These children should not be dying and their parents shouldn't be forced to live in a world without them.  I can't help but think that helping to raise awareness and finding a cure for childhood cancer, specifically Neuroblastoma, is part of my job in life.  We all are put on this earth with a mission right?  I have a feeling this may be mine.  I always think that some day it may coincide with photography.  Sessions with families affected?  A way to raise money?  Yes, I definitely see something with this in my future.  Until then, I absorb and I smack myself upside the head for all the mistakes I make with my lovies through the course of the day.  Why did I scream at Hannah like that?  Why couldn't I have had more patience and spoken to her and explained to her in a much more appropriate way?  Why do I yell at Layla for whining?  Why do I yell at Cameron for being a little wrecking ball?  They are kids!  They need to be kids!  I need to chill out!  If they weren't the way they were then my life would be mundanely boring and unbearable.   I love them with my every being.  Each of them.  And when the day is done, the one thing I do right is make sure they know that.  I make sure they can feel it.  I make sure they know that Mama loves to the moon and the stars and back again...I make sure that I soak them up and appreciate every little inch of them because I do, truly feel blessed to have three "healthy" kids.

Its been a busy week with work and photography.  A lot of people I promised shoots to are wanting them done! LOL  The more experience I get the better, but I am so totally wiped!  I had a great shoot with teenage kids last week.  It was really neat to have grown kids at a shoot and it was a totally different  and unique experience.  Unfortunately I am unable to post any of the pictures because their mother decided to be childish.  I wont go any further but it is truly sad to see this mother berate the children's father and step mother (my friend) publicly on Facebook where the children could see.   I was actually fuming and had to talk myself out of engaging her because I knew it was classier to take the high road and I obviously wasn't dealing with a rational person anyhow.  Shame on her.  Love photographing this couple however because they love to get into the shoot and make my job 100 times easier.  Plus they are so very photogenic!

It's been a tough few weeks for Mom.  I think it's been said that she is sick, but if not, then there it is in black and white.  I've said it.  Mom is sick.  That's about all I can get out. Baby steps.  Trust me, I want to scream it out on a flipping megaphone, but I have to have respect for my family as well.  I think any of you who know me, or her, probably know and eventually I will be able to lay it all out there, but for now, this is as much as I can do.  She seems to be declining and I am not sure what is going on.  Dad looks like he's got a 250 pound weight on his shoulders.  My go to guy, crumbling around us.  There are some glimmers of happiness in there though.  Mom's dear friend, has been doing so much to help.  She loves to take her for a few hours and loves to do for her.  She's always doing!  And you know what?  When I go to pick Mom up, Mom's happy and D's happy too!  It's like she adores every last second she has with Mom.  It's such a blessing because time with Mom can really do a number on your psyche.  I say this only because Mom's communication skills have diminished quite a bit.  Yet D loves her time with her.  I'll never foget all she's done to help.  I'll never forget what a true friend she's been to Mom, even though I know it must hurt her inside to see her like this.

We did have an awesome Monday though swimming in Ana's pool and catching up with an old friend.  One of my good buddies from college passed away in 1998 at the age of 24.  He left behind a brother who has Cerebal Palsey.  I havent seen him in 14 years and low and behold Ana's mother was one of his TA's.  She started talking about him one night during one of our wine nights and I knew the minute she said his first name, it was him.  She nearly fell off the chair when I stated his last name.  Needless to say I was blown away with how far he has come and how great he looks.  I truly can't believe how hard he must have worked to get where he is today.  Living in his own apartment and holding his own job.  He was even taking steps without his crutches!  God bless him.  I know his big brother is so proud of him!  This was technically the first time Mr. Cam has been in a pool aside from Billy and I holding him in the one in Naples.  I had thrown a floatie shirt on him because I was nervous with him being around the pool.  Needless to say, within minutes the kid had gone running and jumping in and was giggling hysterical over the fact that he was swimming.  I just shake my head.  He is TWO and has not one ounce of fear.  I will say that he was so good though.  All of the lovies were since they love to swim. 

Hoping to have another fun eveing to post about after tomorrow... well hello it's.... THE PATRIOTS OPENING PRE SEASON GAME and let me tell you... I am SOOOO READY for some FOOTBALL!  Very excited to be back in the football world again and see my boys play!