Mind Over Matter

I took the weekend to calm my brain and get reacquainted with a schedule.  A schedule that includes the words, "no".  I have to say, I do feel a lot better.  I have been reminding myself daily that I am not perfect.  That I don't have to "do it all" and that I CAN let things go.  What is it in me that makes me crazy if a bed isn't made or the laundry isn't done?  It helped to have a somewhat calm week to muttle around in.  I just keep reminding myself that life is too short to sweat the small stuff.. blue skies in, gray skies out.  I have been spending time with the kids this week.  Not sort of spending time.. like the half ass time that I usually try and spend with them while I fold laundry, work or make dinner.  Time like, getting in the sand box with them and letting them help make dinner.  Stepping away from my desk at work to turn a cardboard box into a house.. complete with doors and windows.  It has helped. 

Most days I feel like being a mommy is the best medicine a girl could have.  Yes, my kids run me ragged and can raise my stress level to an unchartable amount but these children can also give me an enormous amount of love and affection.  To see their little minds work and hear how they talk, how they learn, how they love.. is quite possibly for me, the biggest reward, heart filler, I will ever get.  I sat down at Layla's preschool this week to have a Mother's Day breakfast with her.  She couldn't do enough for me and got the biggest kick out of waiting on me.  I think we gave each other a million hugs and kisses that morning and I left that school with my heart full. 

I've also been trying to have a little more patience with Cameron.  Oh.. he is tough..  lol.. but I have been taking a step back and watching his little mind work and appreciating it.  Appreciating the fact that he is a wild man because one day that little wild man is going to do great things with all his bountiful of energy!

Hannah has had a great week and has only bared her grizzly attitude a few times.  She has been a lot of help this week and takes such good care of Layla and Cam.  She'll step right in and help out with them whenever they need tending too.  She also shocked me by giving me a kiss this morning before she left the car to walk into the play yard.  I have been asking her for two weeks and today, she did it without me asking.  All the other times she would roll her eyes and say "no" while she quickly exited the car... but today.. KISS!  I hope someday when she reads this she'll realize just how much that one kiss meant to her mommy!

I have been having a lot of flashbacks of the girls in their younger years.  I dont know if it is the fact that the birthdays are just around the corner.. but Hannah especially.. I have these pictures of them that I had taken stuck in my head.  One when Hannah was 2 or 3 and we went to Gallilee.  She was prancing on the beach in her gray Block Island sweatshirt... with a pink bow practically taped to her scalp with no hair.  Layla, when she fell asleep sitting in the high chair with Pastena all over her face.  And then I get scared when I really try to remember what they were like at certain ages and it gets harder and harder for me to recall.  I'm trying to remember when it was just Hannah.. what were bath times like?  I do remember that was the time I would take with her to teach her new things.  Like her letters, her name, songs, etc.. You Are My Sunshine.. lol   But what were our conversations?  Did she tell me she loved me all the time?   It's even harder to remember the times when it was just me and the girls.  I remember the beginnings of it.. but that's really all.  sigh... is it the exhaustion?   I feel like I could nod off at any point throughout the day.  I really don't get a good night's sleep.. maybe that's why I function in Zombie mode most days?  I can't imagine how comatose I would be if it weren't for caffeine.. my SwingJuice.  etc..

My Layla baby (yes she is 5 and I will always call her my baby-lol)  has also been having some more GI issues.  I didnt think it was much before and kind of just let it go, however, the issues have been more and more frequent and I am starting to think that her Eosinophilic Esophagitis is having a flare up.  She had been doing so well that I almost forgot she was diagnosed with it a few years back.  She started gaining weight, came off the million dollar formula and started growing.  Billy and I started connecting the dots and counting the times she has had issues and have written down what she ate prior.  Something is up.  Be it the seasonal allergies (which are horrific this year and I am ready to scratch my eyeballs out despite taking meds) or the fact that there may be a new food allergy present....  We head up to Boston Childrens in 2 weeks to figure it all out.  I am dreading the endoscopy.. dreading it.  But we will do what we have to in order to get my girl feeling her best! 


Alright.. Im off to go enjoy my time... xo

Tomorrow

Layla has her Boston Childrens Hospital appointment tomorrow.  I am anxious to get to it.  I have spent the week trying to keep her healthy.  Fingers crossed we will prevail in that department.  I did hear her coughing a bit last night, but she seemed fine this morning and actually quite happy to be participating in her school's Hop A Thon to support Muscular Dystrophy today.  Although her favorite hopping sneakers somehow alluded us this morning and were no where to be found.  They adorned her feet just yesterday and today... Poof... vanished.  I was able to dry her tears and find a smile on her sparkly face by the time we dropped her off at school.  I hold a lot of hope for this appointment mainly because I want to do everything in my power to keep this child out of the ICU.  I'm not up for that visit again and neither is she.  I want every option explored and I want to figure this thing out.  I'm tired of her constantly being sick just as she tired of constantly being sick.

The other two boogers are doing well.  Hannah spent the weekend on Long Island with Daddy, Auntie Jill and Uncle Dave.  She got to see her first Bruins game at the Coliseum and had quite the time being the center of attention.  I'm glad she got to have this time although I did miss her quite a bit.  It is Reading Week at her school this week and she is having a grand time involving herself in all the activities.  Mr Cam...well is Mr Cam.  Crazy, loud, into everything.... yet I wouldn't have it any other way.  I really do think it is just a phase and although he can certainly give me a run for my money, he is so lovable and so darn cute.  He reminds me so much of Hannah at this age with his intelligence and humor.  He is so verbal now and Lord if the child sees a truck and you don't acknowledge it!

Billy and I celebrated our 8th anniversary yesterday.  If you call American Chop Suey a celebration!  Tuesdays are the worst schedule wise.  Hopefully we can find some quiet time next week for the two of us to head to dinner and actually acknowledge the fact that we have been together EIGHT years! 

Other than that I am sitting here trying to calm my anxiousness about the next several crazy days.  We have a bit of a hectic schedule and I am trying to figure out how I am about to get everything done.  I am certain it will get done I just need to talk myself through it.   Take a deep breath and be grateful for the day.  This too shall pass...

Layla baby

Miss bit seems to be doing better today.  Although sluggish and sleepy, her breathing seems to be good.  I took her on Friday to the Pediatrician and she was still very tight and wheezy.  We upped her treatments again and I continued them throughout the night waking her every 2-3 hours for them,  It was a bit of a long evening.  I took her back to the Pedi on Saturday and they were happy with how she sounded.  Yesterday, I officially gave both her and Cam their last doses of Prednisone so I am hoping that in a few days once it is out of their systems, all will restore to normal at the Murphy household.  Maybe Mama can get her some sleep? 

I have a call into Boston to see if we are better off at their Allergy Center or their Pulmonary Center.  Again why I love BCH... they have specialist in each aspect of every disease possible.  Hopefully we can get an appointment in the near future and see what else we can be doing for her.  In the meantime, I seem to be a bit of a stress ball about the situation.  Borderline neurotic.  I can't help it.  I don't care what people say or think about me.  I am going to do whatever is humanly possible to keep her as far away from her triggers as possible.  At least until we can figure this thing out and find out exactly what her triggers are.

...and I just got the callback.  She's meeting with John Lee of the allergy clinic on April 6th.
That's all I have for today.  Happy Monday!

This is how we spent most of our weekend

My little Leprechaun

What happens when you live in a house full of girls!!! LOL

Layla

Soooooooooooo  it seems as though we have had a few traumatizing days in the Murphy household.  Tuesday night, Billy and I were up all night taking care of both Layla and Cameron.  Cameron woke up out of the blue barking like a seal.  Now I know both of my girls have had croup in the past, but I don't think I have ever heard the cough like this.  Billy was totally freaked out.  Layla was having yet another asthma flare up and just kept coughing so I knew we'd be calling the pediatrician in the morning.  To be quite honest, Layla has had these flare ups quite often the past several months and for the most part, I usually feel as though I have them under control with meds, nebs, etc..  I really just made an appointment for her just to make sure her oxygen level was ok and I was mostly concerned about getting Cameron treated.  In we go at 11:30 and by the love of God we were seeing Dr. Sowa.  We hardly ever get to see her anymore as she is in several different offices.  Fairly quickly it is determined that Cam indeed has the croup and we'll just give him some prednisone.  In the meantime, the nurse does the Pulsox test on Layla and the level is reading 80.  I could see the nurse getting a little nervous although she was trying to hide it.  She runs to get another machine and again it reads 80.  We start her on a neb right away and and the O2 reading goes up to 84-85 and then drops down again.  They put her on another neb back to back and Dr. Sowa says, "Hey is there anyone that can watch Cam for you because I am thinking you're going to make a visit."  Of course she says this so calmly,.  Again, why I love her.  She knows just how to handle me and exactly what to say.  Especially going through everything I did with Hannah.  So I start making phone calls to see who can watch Cam because I know this means we are heading to Hasbro.  Thankfully Auntie Paula was not working and we made plans to meet in Smithfield so I could head to Hasbro with Layla.  I tell Dr. Sowa the plan and she looks at me wide eyed and says, "Um, can you have her come here to get him because you're about to leave."  In walk the EMT's.  I quickly make the phone call as the nurses grabbed Cameron who was screaming his head off.  I muster up an excited voice and manage to tell Layla that we are going on an adventure.  I think my voice only cracked once.  She got excited which was all I needed to keep going.  "Yep, baby an adventure like Dora and Boots!  Wait til we tell Hannah!!!!"  I gave Cam a kiss and only had about a second to panic about the fact that I was leaving him at the Dr.'s office alone.  Granted he was in the best of hands, but if I had more time to think about it I would have been a mess.  His screams were breaking my heart.  Layla was being strapped into a car seat on a stretcher with a smile on her face.  God bless her and her brave soul.  I jumped in and off we went.  She was on her third neb at this point and she was so good about it.  I just kept talking to her and telling her how cool it was that the sirens were on and how I couldn't wait for her to tell Daddy all about our adventure.  I quickly texted Billy and told him what was going on.  I asked him to please call Auntie Paula to make sure Cam was alright and that I would fill him in as soon as possible. 

We were admitted to the ER around 12:15 and they started another neb.  I think she had 6 in total before they decided they needed to do something else.  Her chest was caving in when she was breathing and her breathing was extremely rapid.  This was probably the only time I started to really panic.  Watching her little body working so hard to breathe was an awful sight.  The doctors for the most part were being so calm although they were concerned about how much her chest would suck in when she was trying to breathe.  I seriously wanted to scream and tell them all to get in the room and fix her.  I guess when you're in these situations you tend to lose your cool while the professionals are taught to remain calm.  Her O2 was still lingering at 88-89 and so they put her on oxygen.  I did like her ER doc and she finally decided to try something else.  They decided to give her a muscle relaxing med intravenously.  Its the same med that they use to stop preterm labor.  They put the IV in and began the Magnesium Sulfate.  (Again such a trooper with the IV.  It helped to have Princess stickers to cover it with!)  Only then did I begin to see a difference in her breathing.  It relaxed her muscles enough so that she wasn't struggling and working so hard to breathe, allowing the meds to get to her lungs much easier.  Finally, she broke a 90 on the Pulsox.  It was around this time that Billy arrived and I was thankful to be able to walk outside, get a breath of fresh air and make some phone calls.  Thankfully Cameron was doing well, although it did take Auntie Paula and three nurses to get him in the car seat.  Yep, I pretty much traumatized him.  Grammy was able to pick up Hannah from school and she was all set, so back in I went after updating the rest of the family.

She was admitted to the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit around 4:30 and we got settled up there with some great nurses.  She was breathing much easier and by now I was much calmer. She was put on a 3 hour continuous neb.  Let me tell you, this kid is a Rock Star.  Holding that tube in her mouth for three hours.  A four year old.  Imagine.  This child is so special.  Breaks my heart that of all the things I could have passed down to her, it was my asthma.  She's so little and frail and yet so full of love.  I can't imagine my life without her.  She is one of a kind.  I jumped in the hospital bed and just held her.  We were able to watch movies and that was perfect for my princess who was still wearing a tutu at this point!  While her breathing was much better, the steroids began to take over.  Anyone who has ever had a child on Prednisone, knows how mood altering this drug can be.  A miracle for healing, a devil with it's side affects.  Around 2am she woke up screaming, crying and kicking.  (I had flashbacks of Hannah)  For three hours nothing would calm her down.  It wasn't until about 5:30 am did she finally fall back to sleep.  She woke up at 7am bright eyed and bushy tailed, "Good Morning Mommy!"  Mommy was a bit slower to rise.. LOL  Her Pulsox had gone up to 97!  Yay!  We played with toys and colored before we were given the news that we would be able to break free.  Dr. Sowa came to visit and helped to come up with a plan of action.  #1.  Keep her in a bubble  #2.  Head up to Boston Childrens and get her a damn good asthma specialist and #3.  Give Mommy a large glass of wine! 

Daddy and Cam came to get us and we quickly got settled at home.  She had a decent night and was able to sleep however she did wake up very wheezy and tight.  We are heading back to the Pedi this afternoon for a follow up so I am hoping we will be at a good Pulsox rate and that it's just going to take a few more days for her to turn the corner.  We also need to get her on some antibiotics for her double ear infection.  I forgot to mention she had that as well. 

So now emotionally I am all over the board.  I'm pissed that she got this trait.  All of her meds have been upped obviously and I know that this is what she needs.  However, the side affects are going to be brutal.  My non sleeper to begin with, I fear her sleeplessness will only get worse.  These meds make you very jittery and speed up your heart rate.  No sleep equals a cranky kid.  They also make you snap out of the blue.  She's just so sweet and loving, I don't want to see that change.  I'm also a flipping mess now thinking about whats in store for us.  We are heading into what is supposedly going to be the worst allergy season to date.  What does this mean for her?  How will I know when it's time to head into the ER?  Seriously, I am getting my own Pulsox Machine.  I don't give a damn if I make myself crazy with it.  I'd rather be crazy checking her all the time then wondering, should I take her or not.  I seriously want to keep her in a bubble and I'm going to have to make some better decisions for her and keep her away from things that trigger her attacks.  I am hoping that people will be understanding of this. 

The whole time we were in the PICU I just kept thinking Thank God her stay is only temporary.  I cant imagine the families that spend months on end with children in there.  The families who have to watch their child suffer with cancer day in and day out.  I was very grateful to have the Lord looking over us and protecting us.  My heart truly goes out to those families who have to endure watching their child so sick.  I'm thinking that when the dust settles, we are going to need to be a little bit more involved with Hasbro and do some feel good fundraisers.

For now, I'm just going to curl up with my girl and watch some Scooby Doo...

All my love..


                                                                        Being Brave

Neb after Neb 

Finally a popsicle! 

Good morning Mommy!

Maybe she'll be a doctor someday???? 

YAY!  Breaking out!  Riding home with my new doggie "Adeline" 

Home Sweet Home! 

Happy to be with her sister again! 



Sick little monkey

I've still got me a sick little monkey.  Turns out the 103 fever never did get better and by yesterday we headed to the doctor.  She was having issues with breathing and her pulsox confirmed it.  They did a neb treatment and there wasn't a change.  We then went for a chest XRay and now we are back on prednisone, Zpack and round the clock Tylenol along with the treatments every four hours.  Aye Carumba.  She is breaking my heart.  She looks so sad and so not herself.  She is white as a ghost.  I must ask her fifty million times a day if she is okay.  She doesn't want to be away from me.  I have to hold her 24/7 which coincidentally, I don't mind (Except when there is absolutely something I must do!).  Last night, she had a two hour coughing spell that was so nasty she ended up vomiting several times.  I slept in her bed with her and sent Hannah in with Billy.  The baby ended up being up most of the night as well so there was not much sleep to be had and I am paying for it today.  I feel as though I am coming down with a bit of a cold myself.  I am hoping she will turn the corner with this and start to feel better.  I have noticed some of the side affects of the prednisone already so hopefully another day or so and we will see our Layla back underneath all the crazy roid rage that comes along with the meds.  It's so hard to see her so sick because there is nothing to the kids to begin with.  She is skin and bones and I get so nervous about her.  Keeping my fingers crossed and saying extra prayers that we can get her on the mend!

Cam did great!

We are home and my little moose did a great job!  We were at the ENT center by 6:30am and he only cried a bit in the car on the way.  The poor little boog is use to having his milk and breakfast early.  Once there, we checked in and everything else went like clock work.  This may have been Cam's first time, but this is actually my 6th experience with ear tube surgery thanks to Hannah's now 4th set in and Layla has a set in as well.  He was able to run (and I mean run) around the waiting area for an hour before they took him back to get ready.  The secretaries were hysterical at me chasing him to and fro.  He did not stop.  This one certainly keeps me on my toes!  Once in the back we played Tot games on the Iphone (he works it better than me!) and we talked to the Nemo and Dory stickers on the wall.  By the time they took him, he was definitely restless and rearing to go.  (And I was quite exhausted!)  This may have been what helped me get through the anesthesia with no tears this time!  LOL  He did great, although he put up quite a fight.  The nurses were stunned at his strength and I was thrown right back in time when I did this with Hannah the first time.  Cam is strong, yes, but it took 4 nurses, a doctor and myself to restrain Hannah for the mask her first and second time!  (By the third time, I demanded sedatives!)  It was over quickly and I was off to the waiting area to wait.  I nearly got 5 minutes to update Billy via text when Dr. Gibson came out to let me know he did great!  LOVE her!  Did I mention she has the same birthday as Cam?  Good omen right there!  He did have fluid in his ears but they were not infected.  Hopefully this will give the Cameroni some relief now!  I went back to recovery and heard him crying from down the hall.  He looked at me and begged me to pick him up.  We sat and snuggled but it wasn't until he got his bottle of milk that he really calmed down and rested.  We continued to snuggle for a bit and then we were sent on our way.  He fussed a bit in the car and then zonked out!  He is in his cozy crib as I post and I am glad that he is able to rest.  So all in all another great experience at the ENT Center for us! 

Billy seemed to managed the girls well although I had a total brain lapse and forgot to leave him the car seats.  Where is my head?  I am usually so on top of that stuff!  UGH!  Apparently Layla left the house in a Fall outfit, although the thermometer currently reads 82 degrees.  She is going to be a little toasty today, but I am thankful that she at least left the house clothed.  Anxious to pick them up from school today and give them kisses.  Praying there are no accidents for Layla either.  Have we talked Potty Talk yet?   Have I told you how much I DESPISE it?  When my friends ask me about clues and helpful hints to this little chore called potty training, I automatically tell them I have no clue.  Seriously.  I struggled with Hannah in the beginning.  I gave up at 2 and a half years.  The little stinker use to do potty on her bed on purpose when we would try and discipline her!  It was like an "Oh yeah, well get this!"  However, she woke up on her third birthday and just decided today was the day.  That was it.  She never had an overnight accident.  She just did it.  Layla showed interest at 18 months.  Did it here and there for a few months and then wanted NO part of it and has literally never wanted any part of it since.  The child has peed all over our entire house.  From rugs, to beds, to couches.  You name it.  We have scrubbed every inch of our house at one point or another.  Many items have been tossed.  I was really stressing the being potty trained before school bit.  Although about 3 weeks prior to her starting school, she began doing much better.  By the time school rolled around, she was golden.  Or so I thought.  She had two accidents last week at school.  The teachers were not pleased.  Although I felt defensive about this, I do realize that she has to get it at one point or another.  Her problem is that she doesn't want to stop what she is doing to go.  As I have said before, she is also on the younger side emotionally.  She also is a water-aholic.  I really think it is just going to take her a bit longer to get it down pat.  I know people have many different views in regards to this.  I make no opinions or judgements on others.  I just know me and I know my child.  She will get it when she is ready.  If I were to frantically follow her around for a solid week asking her every two seconds to use the bathroom, she would totally rebel.  She will do it on her time and I do very much still feel as though there is a little time left for her to get it.  Personally, I think two accidents in three weeks of school is hardly that bad at all.  I have faith.  God help me though, when it is Cam's turn!  I'd keep them in diapers til they were four if it were up to me! 

Layla has finally decided on her Halloween costume.  Can you tell?  It's fitting.  A princess with no hair, would like 3 feet of hair!

Hannah's turn at it.  Hannah Montana? 

 (Thank you Target parking lot for providing our back drop!)

An early birthday gift that hasn't left her side!

I love him!  Snuggle butt!

Layla jumping at the Apple fest yesterday!  Decked out in her Cha Cha gear!  Wish I had some pics of Hannah climbing the rock wall.  I will post the video soon! 

Cam, in Mommy's glam, getting ready for tube surgery this morning!

Cam & Mommy!  (I think I was sweating from chasing him all around at this point!)

Sleepy little boy on the way home!

CHILDREN LIVE HERE!

Hannah's art work

Apparently I am missing a leg.  I think Layla had something to do with that.

Back on track

Happy Monday!  Happy "chill" in the air!  LOVE IT!  Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my summers.  I love the beach, the grilling, the lazy mornings, the non hecticness of rushing kids off to school and all the other awesomeness that comes with summer.  The Fall though, I LOVE the Fall!  The cool, crisp air.  The apple picking.  Cider and pumpkins.  The colors of the trees.  The back to schedules and routines.  I always feel like it's a fresh start!  Like we are back on track and life is good!  So Happy Fresh Start and Happy FALL!  Officially in only a few more days!

We had a fantastic weekend which kicked off with Disney's Princesses on Ice.  This was fantastic and most definitely the best Disney production on ice we have ever seen.  What a wonderful job they did and the girls and I had a blast.  I was just as awe struck as they were, if not more.  We loved it and Tangled was by far our favorite with Princess and the Frog coming in at a close second!  It was so nice to spend the time with the girls and my beautiful nieces, minus one.  I love you Stella and in another year or so Auntie will take YOU! 

Saturday morning we woke up and got into hockey mode.  Hannah skated for the first time in a few months and to be honest, she did better than I expected.  It was also nice to not have the dance schedule interfere with us being at the rink and now I am able to actually go and watch her.  Well, intend to watch her but mostly I am running like maniac woman all over the rink chasing a certain little moose.  The kid is mass destruction on wheels!  It is so funny!  After hockey we came home and had just enough time to pull out the Fall decorations and adorn the house before my dear friend Tracey came over.  I can't believe it has been a year since I have seen her last.  I finally got to meet her little man and soak up some little Leah time as well.  I don't know how this time flies and days pass so quickly and a whole year goes by but damn I wish I could find more time to spend with the people I truly care about and miss so much!  It was so great to be in her company and catch up!  I have some of the world's best friends and even though I many not see you as often as I would like.  I do love you all so much!  Love you Trace!

Sunday, I got up early and took Hannah to Mass without the two little ones this time.  I wont even begin to get into how last Sunday went with me taking Cam.  I think I am going to have to wait a little while before taking him again because I nearly got kicked out of church.  So this Sunday it was just Han and I and it was great to actually be able to listen and pay attention.  I love that this Mass is a children's Mass and they are able to go up to the Alter for the Gospel.  The Gospel is geared towards the children.  This week's was all about how they shouldn't be jealous of their friends if their friends have something they don't.  Or if a friend does better on a test.  I loved this and it was one Hannah needed to hear as she often gets jealous over these things.  Hoping it hit home and reassured her to be happy for her friends when they do better and so on.

After Church and dropping Han off at CCD, I scooted back home to make the meatballs and gravy.  Yummy Fall Italian Sunday dinners.  Miss Layla helped and Cam tore apart the kitchen as we did so.  We even had time to sit down and color and create some masterpieces.  Layla and I made a Halloween chain so that we can rip off a link each day until it's Halloween!  We also drew and colored a pumpkin and Hannah and I created a crazy witch.  We ate and got ready for the rink again.  Han did excellent and we are so hoping she makes the Mite C's this year.  Tryouts are next week and we are keeping our fingers crossed.  She has grown so much and has matured so much that I am really getting excited to see her punch it up to the next level.  See her compete and really get into the game.  I cant wait to cheer her on from the stands.  Yes, I will be that annoying mother with the cowbell screaming her pants off.  And no, I wont care what people will think about it because that is my baby girl!  My baby girl that got a second chance at this life and I couldn't be more proud of her!  She's out there kicking butt along side the boys!  What's better than that?  You go baby girl!

We came home to watch my beloved Patriots kick the pants off the Chargers.  All I can say is Vince Wilfork.  That was the highlight of the game.  End of story!  LOL 

Onward to another fun week!  I can't wait to chaperone Layla's little Field trip on Wednesday!  It's going to be a blast!  God Bless and enjoy this awesome weather!

Let the weekend begin!

I am thinking that this week literally flew by.  Wasn't it just yesterday that I was posting about being so grateful it was Friday?  Yet, here we are again.  FRIDAY!  Again, I am super excited.  We did the last of "the move" yesterday.  All that is left is a few of my Mom's sewing fabrics and sewing supplies.  Now all that needs to happen is for the house to sell.  I pray that a young family buys it and makes many great memories there.  The way we did.  I know that saying goodbye to the house will be emotional, but I also know that this move needed to happen.  Bitter sweet.  Thankful that the moving is done however, because it damn near put me over the edge!  LOL  Between caring for the kids, working, moving and everything else on my plate, I'm ready for a month's vacation.  I'd love to just pick up and go.  Take the kids to some remote island and just be beach bumbs.. in sweatshirts of course. 


We decided to head to Friendly's on Wednesday because Billy had promised Hannah an ice cream treat after school.  However, he got called into work and wasn't able to keep the promise.  So Mommy got to have a night off from cooking and take the kids!  I also used the excuse that with Cam climbing on the stove, it was too dangerous to be cooking.  Not sure if anyone bought that one, but it sounded logical to me.  So me and the three kiddo's headed off to Friendlys.  They were loud, crazy, silly, excited and all over the place.  It's Friendlys for crying out loud!  It drives me INSANE to see people who eat there without kids making faces about the noise level of people who are there with kids.  IT'S FRIENDLYS.  If you want a nice quiet, intimate, dinner, then go to some swanky restaurant.  But if you're going to eat at Friendlys, then be prepared to be bombarded with kids... and NORMAL kid activity.  I'm not obnoxious about it.  I reprimand them when I should, but at the same time, I let them be kids.  I clean up the tornado after we are done.  I climb under the booth and even pick up the floor.  So keep your faces and eye rolling to yourself.  I've said my peace now.  The best part about the night was when the kids got their balloons and decided to take them in the tub with them.  I don't think I have ever seen the three of them laugh together so much.  Cameron was in all his glory and chased that balloon all over the house.  So much so that he tuckered himself right out and was practically asleep while I was lowering him into the crib!

We are looking forward to going to the Our Lady of Grace Feast tonight.  A Murphy Family ritual and one they take quite seriously.  Billy's great grandmother's house is on the same street and most of the family lives there in a two tenament house.  I was fortunate enough to meet Nana and spend time with her before she passed.  Even Hannah got to meet her and enjoy her while she was living.  I believe Hannah was around 2 when Nana passed.  I think it is so wonderful that Nana and Hannah were able to know each other even for a short time.  How many children get to say that they have met their great, great, grandmother?  She was SUCH a sweet, kind and caring lady.  I loved her very much and I could always feel her love for me in return.  She always somehow managed to show me that she cared for me in her little ways.  Even in her final days when we would go over and help care for her.  She was always so peaceful.  So in a way, this Feast helps us to honor Nana and let her know how much we still think about her and love her.  I know she is smiling down on us from above.


Other than that, I am using this weekend to get us organized!  I've got to get back on track and make our charts for school and get our homework center figured out and organized.  We have to start Layla's family project.  (How I LOVE her preschool and that they have these family projects!)  Rooms need to be cleaned and clothes need to be gone through.  Why are there only two days in a weekend?  It just isnt enough time.  Hannah starts CCD on Sunday and then we have Cha Cha and Braeden's birthdays.  I'd also like to find a Saturday morning activity that I can do.  I'm thinking about spinning.  Just something that I can wake up and go to and get some stress out.  I need to start exercising but I am known for being all gung ho and never following through.  Give me a week and then I fall off the wagon.  I wish I could make this a priority and get my but in gear but somehow it's something that I always fail at.  I would really like to find a way to succeed at this.  Any ideas?  Pointers?  Words of advice?  I'll take anything just give it to me straight!

Here's a video of Cameron from the other day at the office.  I think I have watched it a million times and still manage to crack up at him.  Not sure if it was either the pink pack n play or Foreigner, but he just was not in a napping mood!

Don't forget!  September, is National Childhood Cancer Awareness Month!!!

xo

Dancing in September

I can finally feel things beginning to calm down.  It feels good.  We had a good weekend.  We tried to do as many things as we could to just feel "normal" in between the chaos and I do believe it helped.  I picked the kids up from school on Friday and I don't think Layla could have been more excited to see me.  She jumped up from her nap mat and threw her arms around me and practically cried from excitement.  I get so much love from this boog.  We went to pick up Hannah and I let the kids play at the school playground for a little while since the weather was nice.  We then went home and the girls helped me make meatballs.  Flat meatballs per Layla's request.  Not sure where that one came from but we had a pot full of flat meatballs for dinner time becasue Layla said so! LOL  I also made a lasagna and it felt so good to just be home, cooking with the girls.  I let them stay up late and we snuggled in bed together and watched Nemo. 

Saturday we woke up with no crazy morning schedule.  Ahhh it felt good!  We took our time and I made the girls homemade waffles.  We got to be lazy and I loved every minute of it.  By mid morning we headed over to Nonnie and Papa's and continued the packing and unpacking.  The kids were a bit restless and I tried my best to keep them entertained while helping Mom and Dad.  I feel bad for them under these circumstances because it is not their fault.  They are bored and want my attention.  I find it sometimes difficult to split my attention under these circumstances where I am trying to be there for Mom and Dad and yet be a mother to my kids.  We left around 4 and I headed home to jump in the shower before heading down the beach to do a photo shoot.  Billy made it home from work just in time to watch Cameron and the girls and I drove down to our RCB for the first time since Hurricane Irene hit.  Thankfully the beach was still in tact as was our little piece of heaven.  I fed the girls and then hit the beach to do a fun family shoot for our beach friends the Kanaczet Family.  I got some great shots of this adorable family!  I hope they like them as much as I do!  After the shoot we headed over to Patsy and Oj's for a drink and then off to see SANTA!  Yes, Santa was at the beach in September.  It was very cute and the first time I have been down there for this event.  The kids were excited and Hannah got to ask for her electric guitar and Layla her drums.  (God help our house come December 25th!)  Layla also got to tell Santa she loved him.  I wish Cam were with us because I would have loved to see his reaction.  We hit the road home late and the girls fell fast asleep in the car. 

Sunday I left the kids with Billy for a little while so I could run and help my parents some more.  Pack, unpack, throw out, pack, unpack, throw out.  God help me come the day that I have to move.  Years and years of memories we went through.  SO many things I had forgotten about but were reminded of while packing.  So many little trinkets that would spark memories of the holidays and gatherings at my parent's house.  I realize how very blessed I was to have the upbringing that I had.  I have all good memories of my childhood.  My parents made sure of it.  I helped for a few hours and then headed back home to get my own house together for my nieces, sister and brother in law.  I had asked them to come by for a small cookout and really just to continue to do the things that keep my stress level down and feel normal.  I put together a macaroni salad and Billy ran to get some hot dogs and hamburgers and we grilled ourselves up a little meal.  The girls had a blast playing with their cousins and Billy and I enjoyed spending some family time with Leanne and Dan.  The girls play so well together and I love having them at our house so we asked Leanne if we could keep them overnight and we got to have a cousins sleepover!  So darn cute they are.  I made them more waffles Monday morning and just got to be silly with them before it was time for me to head back over to Nonnie and Papa's to keep going on the moving.  I told Julie we should open our own moving company after this.  JK Moving Company... and we aren't kidding.  She didn't laugh.  LOL  We are almost there.  They are almost entirely moved.  Things are almost back to "normal" if they were ever normal to begin with.

The girls started dance yesterday.  I feel like the show was just yesterday, but here we were back in the swing of things.  It felt good and the girls seemed to enjoy their classes.  Layla is now in an hour class and I was delighted with how well she paid attention.  Hopefully the dynamic of this group will keep her focused!  Hannah's class is now an hour and a half and she has added jazz to the mix.  She was so excited to now own jazz shoes.  She did great and I was glad to see that her dance friend Mackenzie is back in the group!  Sp both girls now have their classes on Tuesdays which will leave the weekends open for Hannah's hockey.  Let the crazy sports calendar begin!!!  Poor Cam!  We've got to find something for him soon!

I can't believe that we are here in September.  One of my favorite months.  I can't help but say the word and automatically sing, "Do you remember, 21st night of September, Love was changing the mind of pretenders, while chasing the clouds away," by Earth, Wind and Fire. You know what else is so special about September?  It's National Childhood Cancer Awareness Month!  Yes it is!  You all know how passionate I am about helping to find a cure for many childhood cancers.  I am going to continue to be passionate about finding a cure as long as I am on this planet and I am asking for your help as well.  PLEASE consider making a donation.  The smallest amount WILL HELP!  My three favorite donation sites you can find here in honor of Layla Grace Marsh , Ronan Thompson and Michael Cotrone.  These two little angels and cancer warrior are the sole reason why I have decided to light a fire under my butt and get out there and raise awareness.  Maybe you could order a bracelet or even just SPREAD THE WORD!  Throw it up on your facebook status or Tweet about it.  Anything at all... will go a great ways and help save children's lives!  There are so many things you can do to put a smile on a child's face who may be suffering from this disease!  Hannah has been collecting soda tabs all on her own to bring to Hasbro to help raise money for their child cancer ward.  We also put together a bin of toys that we plan to take over to the hospital as well.  These simple things make a difference.. they truly do!  So please jump on board with me and help spread the word this September! 

I'd like to leave with a note to each of my babies letting them know how grateful and thankful I am for them in my life.  They are what get me out of bed every morning.  My three tiny (okay maybe not so tiny anymore) miracles.....

     Cameron.  You are just plain NUTS!  Crazy nuts!  I say this in a good way and I am not complaining at all.  I just have never known either of your sisters to be as crazy as you!  You are all over the place and into everything that most days I find myself running in 3 different directions to just try and keep up with you.  You now try and do pull ups onto the kitchen table.  You are attempting to climb on top of the stove and Daddy found you out in the driveway after taking his eyes off of you for 30 seconds. (SCARY) You opened the front door and walked out!  God bless your 13.5 month old soul!  You are going to be my adventure seeker.. I can see it already.  I love to watch you shape into this little baby boy who is so determined and stubborn.  At the same time you love to laugh, giggle and bang your head into mine, which is your official way of showing me love.  LOL.  I love you baby boy.  I love you for you.  I love you for completing our family and making us a family of five.   I love you crazy!

     Layla.  My Layla cakes.  How lonely these days are without you at the office.  I miss you so much.  I wish you were here with me.  Yet I know you are where you belong.  I have to accept it and try and get my fill of love and hugs from you during the evenings.  Which you thankfully give me plenty of.  You are such a joyful, funny child that I am often laughing at your antics.  You're silly and you're my love bug at the same time.  I love my time at night with you when everyone else is sleeping and the two of us are up giggling and talking.  When you tell me that I'm the bestest Mommy in the whole wide world and how much you love me.  I can tell you are growing up on me, but I am also holding on to that part of you that is still my little Layla baby.  There is still a part of you that loves to be babied and I will take that for as long as I can get it.  I look forward to our Tuesdays and Thursdays when you are here with me.  I can't believe that you are soon approaching your 4th birthday.  How quickly time flies.  I can still remember those first few days with you wrapped up in your purple blanket in the hospital... it seems like just yesterday.  I love you my Layla bug.  My clone.  I love you to infinity and beyond!

     Hannah banana meatball.  SECOND GRADE.  You are in second grade.  How did that happen?  You are so old and mature to me now.  So independent and eccentric.  You march to the beat of a different drummer and I love that about you.  You are a leader.  You seem to like this year in school and I am hoping that this will be a great year for you.  I don't often worry about you because you are such a strong child.  You are my helper of all helpers.  I love how much you come to my rescue and help me with your brother and sister.  You're my early riser.  You wake up happy and rearing to go.  Last night you told me that you were going to get up earlier than me so that you could make me breakfast.  You have such a sweet side to you.  I find you being a bit more affectionate with me.  Last night, while I was laying with you and Layla, you fell asleep holding my hand again.  I hope that you continue this affection because I eat it up and love to give it in return.  I love you my little Rock Star.. I know you are going to do great things in this life.  I can feel it.  I love you meatball... To the moon and stars and back! 

xo

The girls with Santa...

Some shots of the Kanaczet Family



TGIF - Insert Katy Perry's song here....

We're alive!  It's Friday!  THANK GOD it's FRIDAY!  I don't think I have ever been so excited for a weekend to start.  Not because we have anything fun planned but because this week is OVER!  Goodbye!  Good riddance!  Did I survive the girl's first day of school?  Yes.  Was I an emotional wreck? Yes.  I had all of two minutes to cry and be a mess before I had to head directly into moving my parents who have been without power for 6 days.  By day 2 with a broken generator, my father had enough and decided to move.  For those who don't know, my childhood home is on the market.  My parents have downsized and bought a smaller home.  They had intended to move in little by little, but under the current circumstances and with no power or water at what we now call the "old" house, we set to work.  It has been a grueling few days and to be quite honest, I would like to forget them all together.  I had many emotions about my parents selling my childhood home.  While I understood the reasoning behind the move and support my father 110% in this decision, I always thought that by the time they were ready to sell, we'd be ready to buy it.  Life hasn't worked out that way and it's not in the cards.  I've accepted that and now, the old house no longer even feels like home to me.  I will always keep the memories close to my heart, but in all reality, I don't think I would be able to live there without having certain emotions about the way it was.  It's time to let go and move on.  I can do that.  So organizing, sorting old from new and what will fit, packing, unpacking, loading cars and unloading cars has been filling most of my days this week.  To the point where I got home last night and starting to go through my own kitchen.  How can I sit there and so neatly organize my parent's house when mine is such a disaster? 


I'm at the point now where I just want my parents settled in their new house.  I want them comfortable and organized.  I want some sort of normalcy back.  Julie and I have been working our tushies off to make this happen.  Juggling kids, drop offs, work and whatnot we have somehow managed to move 99% of the house, on our own.  Have I mentioned that I don't know what I would do without her in my life?  If it weren't for each other, I know we would never be able to get through this phase in our lives.  Somehow, together, we are getting through probably one of the most difficult times we will ever have to endure and I will leave it at that.  Aside from Julie, I thank God every day for these beautiful angels he has given me.  They are my life lines.  They are what is good in this life.  I swear to God they were put on this earth to save me.  They are my happiness.  They are everything that is good in my life.  Unfortunately, I have had very little time to spend with them the past two weeks due to all of the chaos that has been going on and it is affecting me.  I miss them.  I want to just sit and play and color and laugh.  I want to play dress up and I want to play ball.  I feel like I am missing out on so much and it has only been two weeks.  Billy had to pick Hannah up from her first day of school on Wednesday and it killed me.  He got to take her to the park even though it was me who had promised to take her.  I want my life back.  I want my time with them back.  I want the hectiness to end.  Now.


Thankfully the girls seem to be adjusting well to school.  Hannah has a wonderful teacher this year and a FANTASTIC new principal.  I got to meet him yesterday and he is a doll.  I get such a good vibe from him and I am praying that this is the turn around year for McGuire Elementary.  Finger's crossed.  I was worried Layla would be upset at drop off today because all summer she kept telling me that I need to drop her off and leave her there.  She got a kick out of telling me this.  Her attempt at being independent I presume and watching what we do when dropping Hannah off at school.  Last night she told me that she would like for me to stay at school with her.  I gulped.  Thankfully though, she was so excited to have Cousin Addy at school with her today that she forgot all about wanting Mommy... even though Mommy would have done anything to get on the floor and play with her at preschool all day.  I think I would have even enjoyed nap time tremendously!  Driving to drop Hannah off afterwards was so weird.  I kept looking at her empty car seat wanting to lose it.  Two other kids and the car and yet I felt so lonely.  After dropping Hannah off it was just Cam and I.  Just the two of us heading into the office together.  All I can say is, Thank God I had a third.  I cant imagine going through this without having him to keep me distracted.  And distracted he certainly keeps me.  The kid is a moose!  He's huge!  He's into EVERYTHING and has quite the temper lately.  VERY strong willed.  He reminds me sooo much of Hannah at this age.  He's like the male version of her!  He seems to be doing okay without his sidekick Layla here to occupy his time.  It's good for us too, to have this alone time as well.... even though I would do anything to have all three by my side.  As I type, he is giving me that toothy grin of his and I just want to eat his face off!


Last night after the kids went to sleep, I ended up going to see my Ana Banana for a bit.  It has been months since we sat and talked.  It was such a nice, crisp evening and I was so grateful for this time with her.  Just chatting away and discussing life.  It made me feel the most normal I have felt in weeks.  Just being there and talking like we use to before the summer got so hectic.  I hope we can continue this tradition!  It's like therapy for me!  I went to bed on the late side and woke up to Hannah climbing in bed with us.  So weird that she has been doing this a bit more lately.  She curled up between Billy and I and went to sleep.  Billy woke up really early for work and found Layla sitting up in her bed.  He carried her to ours and the girls and I curled up and slept.  I cant tell you how much I adore this.  I don't care how tired I am.  Something about this cuddle time with them just melts my heart.  Hannah fell asleep holding my hand and Layla was curled up right into my side with her arms wrapped around me.  I don't think I could have felt more loved.  These are the times I want to remember forever.  I am grateful for every single one of these moments I have with my children...

Happy 3rd Birthday to my niece Addison!  We love you very much dolly!  xoxoxo

And this is why I will be okay....