Love That Mama Drama: Layla

Soooooooooooo it seems as though we have had a few traumatizing days in the Murphy household. Tuesday night, Billy and I were up all night taking care of both Layla and Cameron. Cameron woke up out of the blue barking like a seal. Now I know both of my girls have had croup in the past, but I don't think I have ever heard the cough like this. Billy was totally freaked out. Layla was having yet another asthma flare up and just kept coughing so I knew we'd be calling the pediatrician in the morning. To be quite honest, Layla has had these flare ups quite often the past several months and for the most part, I usually feel as though I have them under control with meds, nebs, etc.. I really just made an appointment for her just to make sure her oxygen level was ok and I was mostly concerned about getting Cameron treated. In we go at 11:30 and by the love of God we were seeing Dr. Sowa. We hardly ever get to see her anymore as she is in several different offices. Fairly quickly it is determined that Cam indeed has the croup and we'll just give him some prednisone. In the meantime, the nurse does the Pulsox test on Layla and the level is reading 80. I could see the nurse getting a little nervous although she was trying to hide it. She runs to get another machine and again it reads 80. We start her on a neb right away and and the O2 reading goes up to 84-85 and then drops down again. They put her on another neb back to back and Dr. Sowa says, "Hey is there anyone that can watch Cam for you because I am thinking you're going to make a visit." Of course she says this so calmly,. Again, why I love her. She knows just how to handle me and exactly what to say. Especially going through everything I did with Hannah. So I start making phone calls to see who can watch Cam because I know this means we are heading to Hasbro. Thankfully Auntie Paula was not working and we made plans to meet in Smithfield so I could head to Hasbro with Layla. I tell Dr. Sowa the plan and she looks at me wide eyed and says, "Um, can you have her come here to get him because you're about to leave." In walk the EMT's. I quickly make the phone call as the nurses grabbed Cameron who was screaming his head off. I muster up an excited voice and manage to tell Layla that we are going on an adventure. I think my voice only cracked once. She got excited which was all I needed to keep going. "Yep, baby an adventure like Dora and Boots! Wait til we tell Hannah!!!!" I gave Cam a kiss and only had about a second to panic about the fact that I was leaving him at the Dr.'s office alone. Granted he was in the best of hands, but if I had more time to think about it I would have been a mess. His screams were breaking my heart. Layla was being strapped into a car seat on a stretcher with a smile on her face. God bless her and her brave soul. I jumped in and off we went. She was on her third neb at this point and she was so good about it. I just kept talking to her and telling her how cool it was that the sirens were on and how I couldn't wait for her to tell Daddy all about our adventure. I quickly texted Billy and told him what was going on. I asked him to please call Auntie Paula to make sure Cam was alright and that I would fill him in as soon as possible.

We were admitted to the ER around 12:15 and they started another neb. I think she had 6 in total before they decided they needed to do something else. Her chest was caving in when she was breathing and her breathing was extremely rapid. This was probably the only time I started to really panic. Watching her little body working so hard to breathe was an awful sight. The doctors for the most part were being so calm although they were concerned about how much her chest would suck in when she was trying to breathe. I seriously wanted to scream and tell them all to get in the room and fix her. I guess when you're in these situations you tend to lose your cool while the professionals are taught to remain calm. Her O2 was still lingering at 88-89 and so they put her on oxygen. I did like her ER doc and she finally decided to try something else. They decided to give her a muscle relaxing med intravenously. Its the same med that they use to stop preterm labor. They put the IV in and began the Magnesium Sulfate. (Again such a trooper with the IV. It helped to have Princess stickers to cover it with!) Only then did I begin to see a difference in her breathing. It relaxed her muscles enough so that she wasn't struggling and working so hard to breathe, allowing the meds to get to her lungs much easier. Finally, she broke a 90 on the Pulsox. It was around this time that Billy arrived and I was thankful to be able to walk outside, get a breath of fresh air and make some phone calls. Thankfully Cameron was doing well, although it did take Auntie Paula and three nurses to get him in the car seat. Yep, I pretty much traumatized him. Grammy was able to pick up Hannah from school and she was all set, so back in I went after updating the rest of the family.

She was admitted to the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit around 4:30 and we got settled up there with some great nurses. She was breathing much easier and by now I was much calmer. She was put on a 3 hour continuous neb. Let me tell you, this kid is a Rock Star. Holding that tube in her mouth for three hours. A four year old. Imagine. This child is so special. Breaks my heart that of all the things I could have passed down to her, it was my asthma. She's so little and frail and yet so full of love. I can't imagine my life without her. She is one of a kind. I jumped in the hospital bed and just held her. We were able to watch movies and that was perfect for my princess who was still wearing a tutu at this point! While her breathing was much better, the steroids began to take over. Anyone who has ever had a child on Prednisone, knows how mood altering this drug can be. A miracle for healing, a devil with it's side affects. Around 2am she woke up screaming, crying and kicking. (I had flashbacks of Hannah) For three hours nothing would calm her down. It wasn't until about 5:30 am did she finally fall back to sleep. She woke up at 7am bright eyed and bushy tailed, "Good Morning Mommy!" Mommy was a bit slower to rise.. LOL Her Pulsox had gone up to 97! Yay! We played with toys and colored before we were given the news that we would be able to break free. Dr. Sowa came to visit and helped to come up with a plan of action. #1. Keep her in a bubble #2. Head up to Boston Childrens and get her a damn good asthma specialist and #3. Give Mommy a large glass of wine!

Daddy and Cam came to get us and we quickly got settled at home. She had a decent night and was able to sleep however she did wake up very wheezy and tight. We are heading back to the Pedi this afternoon for a follow up so I am hoping we will be at a good Pulsox rate and that it's just going to take a few more days for her to turn the corner. We also need to get her on some antibiotics for her double ear infection. I forgot to mention she had that as well.

So now emotionally I am all over the board. I'm pissed that she got this trait. All of her meds have been upped obviously and I know that this is what she needs. However, the side affects are going to be brutal. My non sleeper to begin with, I fear her sleeplessness will only get worse. These meds make you very jittery and speed up your heart rate. No sleep equals a cranky kid. They also make you snap out of the blue. She's just so sweet and loving, I don't want to see that change. I'm also a flipping mess now thinking about whats in store for us. We are heading into what is supposedly going to be the worst allergy season to date. What does this mean for her? How will I know when it's time to head into the ER? Seriously, I am getting my own Pulsox Machine. I don't give a damn if I make myself crazy with it. I'd rather be crazy checking her all the time then wondering, should I take her or not. I seriously want to keep her in a bubble and I'm going to have to make some better decisions for her and keep her away from things that trigger her attacks. I am hoping that people will be understanding of this.

The whole time we were in the PICU I just kept thinking Thank God her stay is only temporary. I cant imagine the families that spend months on end with children in there. The families who have to watch their child suffer with cancer day in and day out. I was very grateful to have the Lord looking over us and protecting us. My heart truly goes out to those families who have to endure watching their child so sick. I'm thinking that when the dust settles, we are going to need to be a little bit more involved with Hasbro and do some feel good fundraisers.

For now, I'm just going to curl up with my girl and watch some Scooby Doo...

All my love..

Being Brave