Self Reflection

I woke up this morning with a chip on my shoulder.  Actually, I think I went to bed with it last night.  For some reason, I just got this overwhelming urge to change my life in ways I have always wanted to but have never managed to succeed in.  This surge of a feeling that I want to fix all the things I have always wanted and bring ME back.  I miss ME.  ME somehow got lost amongst the shuffle of being a mother, a wife, a coworker, a daughter, a sister, a maid, a taxi cab, a cook, a caretaker and a house cleaner.  I know ME is in there, but it is going to take some work, a lot of digging out and a lot of self reflection to find her.  I feel like I am in one of those Where's Waldo maps.  You know he is there, you just have to search to find him. 

I told Billy before I went to bed that there are things that I need to change.  That I don't want his support and I won't talk about it again, but that I would be searching and doing everything possible to get ME back.  I don't mean to sound harsh or rude about not wanting his support.  Aside from Billy not being this big supportive, "Wow you're doing great!" type of person, I also didn't want it to be another excuse on my part.  "Well Billy didn't support me so that is why I failed."  (Does that make sense?)  I want to do this on my own.  FOR ME, BY ME.  I feel like it is going to be a little journey to find myself again and that is ok.  I recognize that it is something that will take time and not just happen overnight.  What do I hope to gain from my travels?  I hope to find that person that once had inner peace and who was proud of herself.  Who had self worth and self respect.  That fun loving, carefree, giggle toes of a person.  The one who loved who she was and not the one who can't stand to be in her own skin.  I know for certain that if I can dig this person back up, all else will fall into place.  I know it.  I want to provide the best atmosphere for my children, husband and family.  I'm tired of the monotonous, boring routine we have found ourselves in.  Life is too short.  I want to make it the best it can be.  I am determined to make it the best it can be.  I want to be the best mother and the best wife I can be.  So herein lies the challenge.  I'm up for it, I am determined.  I am just praying that I can find the will power and self discipline it takes.  Here goes nothing.

Aside from this revelation, I've got a Layla bug who is under the weather.  She has a temp of 103 and is quite congested.  She is also extremely MISERABLE.  The poor bug is completely put of character.  She wouldn't even let me put her down for five seconds yesterday to stir the meatballs.  Hopefully we can get her on the mend so she can go back to school on Wednesday.  Hannah thankfully, is starting to feel better and is back to sleeping better as well.  Her attitude, well.. it's gotten slightly better... but we are going to have to work on that.  Let's just say she gave me so much trouble with a shirt she wanted to wear today.  She has these crazy vices with articles of clothing.  She swore the sleeves werent buttoned properly even though I told her a bazillion times they were.  She can't stand the feel of things.  I found her in the drawer trying to tape the sleeves.  Yes, folks.. she is quite the determined little bugger.  After 20 or so minutes of a meltdown, she came over o me and had me button them the same way I first did and then she walked away happy. Sound like anyone else I know?  I'm going to make an appointment for the both of them to go to therapy! LOL  I kid, but it is actually on my list of things to do!  Cam man is still kicking strong over here.  We have dubbed him the one man wrecking machine.  Currently his favorite food is cottage cheese and he will scream MORE MORE MORE every time I open the fridge and he sees the container.  He wants it and he wants it now and he lets you know.  He is a riot.  I could eat his face off.  I can't believe how much he understands what we say.  I can tell him to go pick up his toys and he will.  I can tell him to go get his cup and he will.  He knows exactly what we are asking him to do.  He is also a big fan of brushing his teeth.  He often goes in the bathroom, grabs the stool and yells, "BREEF BREEF"!!!  I have to put several slabs of toothpaste on his Scooby Doo tooth brush before he is ultimately satisfied.  I still can't believe how quickly this is all going by with him!

The twins are doing great and are actually breathing on their own.  MIRACLES DO HAPPEN!  Please continue to keep them in your prayers so that they may grow and come home in a month or so!  THANK YOU!

Stay tuned.. for the new ME!

Love these bubble toes!



So very precious!!!

Blessings! :)

Home Sweet Home

Sometimes good things do happen to good people.  It's been a whirlwind of craziness the past several weeks, leaving me little time to update.  However, it is all good craziness.  I'll take that any day over boring and mundane! We are mostly settled in our "New Chateau" as I like to call it.  Even though this chateau is a very familiar one to me.  The first few days were a bit odd, but I can honestly say now that I feel like I never left.  It is a feeling of comfort and security.  It's home.  It's the House That Built Me.  I can't even put into words how much this means to me and I know Billy understands.  Ultimately, it was his decision.  I would not have had it any other way.  We are both in love with this home.  We are both forever grateful for the life changing opportunity this move gave us all.  Fingers crossed that our "old" home will find some lovely new owners and fit the last piece of this puzzle. 

I took the babies for a walk yesterday up the road.  It was crazy to be doing this with them.  Surreal almost.  Trekking the same path that I once did as a child.  I explained to them how much I loved the street and how peaceful it always was and still is.  Cameron had a blast and walked much of the way.  We met some new faces along the way and everyone was so friendly.  It just felt right.  It just felt like .. well like HOME.  I came back and put Cam down for a nap and went back up the road with Miss Hannah who wanted to get a bike ride in.  We happened to run into three boys at the end of the street whom we found out were close in age to Hannah.  She was thrilled, although mortified that I was asking all of these boys questions.  LOL  However, through this questioning, we also found out that one of the boys on Hannah's hockey team also lives on the street.  That was all she needed to hear.  She was happy.  Possibly excited about switching schools.  (My only worry in this whole decision!)

Most of what we wanted to do before the holidays is done.  Cameron's room came out more beautiful than I even expected.  In it's neutral, brown and cream tones, with a love note from Mommy on the wall.  Coincidentally, Billy was a tad upset that his name wasn't mentioned in this love note.  I told him I promised to look for one that said, "Let's play ball" or "Pass me the puck:" - Love Daddy.  He seemed happy with that response! 

The girls have their almost complete Paris Boutique styled room.  All Hannah's idea since she is fascinated with Paris.  Billy just hung the chandelier Friday which was one of the last touches to the room that I had been waiting for.  I love how it looks and the chandelier ties the room together.  Santa will be bringing them new curtains and a rug and it should complete the look!  They also got a love note from Mommy on their wall.. wink wink.

I even painted a few more rooms in the house which helped to bring our style into it.  I have been quite the busy bee which is reason for my now panic stricken state realizing that there are only two more days to finish some birthday shopping and prepare for turkey day!  How quickly these holidays always sneak up on me!  Instead of saying I'm going to have all my shopping done by blah blah blah a date so I can enjoy the holiday, I decided I'm just going to enjoy the season and try not to stress myself out too much.  I have so much to be thankful for and I am going to revel in that.  I have three beautiful children whom I adore more than anything in this world.  I have a wonderful husband whom I am about to embark on a new adventure with in a new home and I have a wonderful extended family on both sides who mean the world to me.  Life is good.  Exhale. 

Cameroni

Cam goes for ear tube surgery in the morning. He gets the hat trick as all three kids will now have them! I should be use to this by now but I truly despise watching them go under anesthesia. Praying he does well and it's over in no time! I'll update tomorrow! Say a little prayer that all goes well and my little man will feel much better without those pesky ear infections! (and that Billy survives drop offs with the girls!)

Don't forget to check out Http://www.plumdistrict.com for some great deals this week!!!!

Back on track

Happy Monday!  Happy "chill" in the air!  LOVE IT!  Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my summers.  I love the beach, the grilling, the lazy mornings, the non hecticness of rushing kids off to school and all the other awesomeness that comes with summer.  The Fall though, I LOVE the Fall!  The cool, crisp air.  The apple picking.  Cider and pumpkins.  The colors of the trees.  The back to schedules and routines.  I always feel like it's a fresh start!  Like we are back on track and life is good!  So Happy Fresh Start and Happy FALL!  Officially in only a few more days!

We had a fantastic weekend which kicked off with Disney's Princesses on Ice.  This was fantastic and most definitely the best Disney production on ice we have ever seen.  What a wonderful job they did and the girls and I had a blast.  I was just as awe struck as they were, if not more.  We loved it and Tangled was by far our favorite with Princess and the Frog coming in at a close second!  It was so nice to spend the time with the girls and my beautiful nieces, minus one.  I love you Stella and in another year or so Auntie will take YOU! 

Saturday morning we woke up and got into hockey mode.  Hannah skated for the first time in a few months and to be honest, she did better than I expected.  It was also nice to not have the dance schedule interfere with us being at the rink and now I am able to actually go and watch her.  Well, intend to watch her but mostly I am running like maniac woman all over the rink chasing a certain little moose.  The kid is mass destruction on wheels!  It is so funny!  After hockey we came home and had just enough time to pull out the Fall decorations and adorn the house before my dear friend Tracey came over.  I can't believe it has been a year since I have seen her last.  I finally got to meet her little man and soak up some little Leah time as well.  I don't know how this time flies and days pass so quickly and a whole year goes by but damn I wish I could find more time to spend with the people I truly care about and miss so much!  It was so great to be in her company and catch up!  I have some of the world's best friends and even though I many not see you as often as I would like.  I do love you all so much!  Love you Trace!

Sunday, I got up early and took Hannah to Mass without the two little ones this time.  I wont even begin to get into how last Sunday went with me taking Cam.  I think I am going to have to wait a little while before taking him again because I nearly got kicked out of church.  So this Sunday it was just Han and I and it was great to actually be able to listen and pay attention.  I love that this Mass is a children's Mass and they are able to go up to the Alter for the Gospel.  The Gospel is geared towards the children.  This week's was all about how they shouldn't be jealous of their friends if their friends have something they don't.  Or if a friend does better on a test.  I loved this and it was one Hannah needed to hear as she often gets jealous over these things.  Hoping it hit home and reassured her to be happy for her friends when they do better and so on.

After Church and dropping Han off at CCD, I scooted back home to make the meatballs and gravy.  Yummy Fall Italian Sunday dinners.  Miss Layla helped and Cam tore apart the kitchen as we did so.  We even had time to sit down and color and create some masterpieces.  Layla and I made a Halloween chain so that we can rip off a link each day until it's Halloween!  We also drew and colored a pumpkin and Hannah and I created a crazy witch.  We ate and got ready for the rink again.  Han did excellent and we are so hoping she makes the Mite C's this year.  Tryouts are next week and we are keeping our fingers crossed.  She has grown so much and has matured so much that I am really getting excited to see her punch it up to the next level.  See her compete and really get into the game.  I cant wait to cheer her on from the stands.  Yes, I will be that annoying mother with the cowbell screaming her pants off.  And no, I wont care what people will think about it because that is my baby girl!  My baby girl that got a second chance at this life and I couldn't be more proud of her!  She's out there kicking butt along side the boys!  What's better than that?  You go baby girl!

We came home to watch my beloved Patriots kick the pants off the Chargers.  All I can say is Vince Wilfork.  That was the highlight of the game.  End of story!  LOL 

Onward to another fun week!  I can't wait to chaperone Layla's little Field trip on Wednesday!  It's going to be a blast!  God Bless and enjoy this awesome weather!

Family Night

Last night was the Banana's Family Night at her elementary school.  Luckily, I was able to get Papa and Nonnie to come over for dinner and trick them into babysitting so that Billy and I could run to the school!  (Not like they minded one bit)  We put Cameron down before we left, since he is still suffering from a nasty cold and drove over to the school.  Upon pulling up, we immediately saw Mr. Meagher in front of the school handing out the agenda for the evening.  Right away, I knew this was going to be a good night.  To be honest, Billy had no idea who he was because he had not met him yet and actually thought he was a politician.  That's how not familiar he is with having a principal visible to parents.  (It also means that Mr. Meagher dresses to the nines and always looks so presentable)  Mr Meagher shook our hands and wished us well as we entered the building.  (PS:  You have to hear Layla razz on his name.  I literally belly laugh when she does it.  It's pronounced "Ma-Ha" so she does this spooky voice and calls him Mr. MAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH) 


For the first time ever, I felt surrounded by a great number of parents that I admired and respected.  I have gotten to know many McGuire Families in the past two years and I was thrilled to have made special bonds with a great group of people.  I don't know if it was the chill in the air or just different vibe I have been feeling since the start of school, but I was literally excited for the evening.  I swear it has to do with Mr. Meagher's presence.  We sat and listened to Mr. Meagher's introduction speech and enjoyed it very much.  He was enthusiastic and informative.  He held our attention.  What a nice change of pace.  He introduced the teachers and our PTA President.  (Yes folks, I have already joined and I am delighted to be chairing the first annual Ladies Choice dance.)  Then we were onward to Mrs. Boyce's classroom.


When Hannah first entered McGuire, she was to have Mrs. Boyce for Kindergarten teacher.  I had heard great things about Mrs. Boyce and after formally meeting her, liked her instinctively.  Things got shuffled around and Mrs. Boyce moved to second grade.  Hannah ended up having Miss Geremia, the now Mrs. Thomas.  We were lucky.  We loved Miss Geremia and she was the perfect teacher for Hannah to have upon entering grade school.  She was loving and kind and very approachable.  Well, we are just as thrilled to have Mrs. Boyce.  She has all these same qualities and we were thrilled upon entering the classroom.  What an array of beautiful projects, artwork, decorations and journals for us to see.  I had to remind myself that this is only the 3rd week of school and look how much they have accomplished!  We truly were blown away with Hannah's pieces and both Billy and I are extremely enthusiastic about this upcoming year.  Mrs. Boyce is a doll.  Very easy to talk too and she just has that familiar face about her.  We are so happy that this is the teacher Hannah has for second grade.  To the moon!  I really do feel a change taking over.  I pray that this change continues and McGuire gets back on track so that Hannah can benefit from all she should at an good elementary school.  Cheers to a positive year at McGuire!

Tonight we are heading to the Princesses on Ice!!!!  The girls and their Girl Cousins!  Ohhhhh we cant wait!  We are sure to have a blast!


Here are some of Han's pieces...

This was at Hannah's chair. 

DIE for it!  From the hair to the purple nailpolish!

This was her self portrait. I mean.. the kid is good!

Her Bio Bug

Her Dino's Shopping List

The silly story the parents left the class!

and my personal FAVORITE.....  (Hannah and Makenzie's)  Need I even say more?  The Botox Family meets KFC!

Do I even need to comment on this pic of my baby boy?  My handsome man the Patriot's fan?  He is so freaking cute I could bite his cheeks off!

This was a belated birthday gift from Uncle Ra Ra and Auntie Mimi!  They got it JUST RIGHT! xo

Happy Friday!!!!  Enjoy this GORGEOUS weather!

Let the weekend begin!

I am thinking that this week literally flew by.  Wasn't it just yesterday that I was posting about being so grateful it was Friday?  Yet, here we are again.  FRIDAY!  Again, I am super excited.  We did the last of "the move" yesterday.  All that is left is a few of my Mom's sewing fabrics and sewing supplies.  Now all that needs to happen is for the house to sell.  I pray that a young family buys it and makes many great memories there.  The way we did.  I know that saying goodbye to the house will be emotional, but I also know that this move needed to happen.  Bitter sweet.  Thankful that the moving is done however, because it damn near put me over the edge!  LOL  Between caring for the kids, working, moving and everything else on my plate, I'm ready for a month's vacation.  I'd love to just pick up and go.  Take the kids to some remote island and just be beach bumbs.. in sweatshirts of course. 


We decided to head to Friendly's on Wednesday because Billy had promised Hannah an ice cream treat after school.  However, he got called into work and wasn't able to keep the promise.  So Mommy got to have a night off from cooking and take the kids!  I also used the excuse that with Cam climbing on the stove, it was too dangerous to be cooking.  Not sure if anyone bought that one, but it sounded logical to me.  So me and the three kiddo's headed off to Friendlys.  They were loud, crazy, silly, excited and all over the place.  It's Friendlys for crying out loud!  It drives me INSANE to see people who eat there without kids making faces about the noise level of people who are there with kids.  IT'S FRIENDLYS.  If you want a nice quiet, intimate, dinner, then go to some swanky restaurant.  But if you're going to eat at Friendlys, then be prepared to be bombarded with kids... and NORMAL kid activity.  I'm not obnoxious about it.  I reprimand them when I should, but at the same time, I let them be kids.  I clean up the tornado after we are done.  I climb under the booth and even pick up the floor.  So keep your faces and eye rolling to yourself.  I've said my peace now.  The best part about the night was when the kids got their balloons and decided to take them in the tub with them.  I don't think I have ever seen the three of them laugh together so much.  Cameron was in all his glory and chased that balloon all over the house.  So much so that he tuckered himself right out and was practically asleep while I was lowering him into the crib!

We are looking forward to going to the Our Lady of Grace Feast tonight.  A Murphy Family ritual and one they take quite seriously.  Billy's great grandmother's house is on the same street and most of the family lives there in a two tenament house.  I was fortunate enough to meet Nana and spend time with her before she passed.  Even Hannah got to meet her and enjoy her while she was living.  I believe Hannah was around 2 when Nana passed.  I think it is so wonderful that Nana and Hannah were able to know each other even for a short time.  How many children get to say that they have met their great, great, grandmother?  She was SUCH a sweet, kind and caring lady.  I loved her very much and I could always feel her love for me in return.  She always somehow managed to show me that she cared for me in her little ways.  Even in her final days when we would go over and help care for her.  She was always so peaceful.  So in a way, this Feast helps us to honor Nana and let her know how much we still think about her and love her.  I know she is smiling down on us from above.


Other than that, I am using this weekend to get us organized!  I've got to get back on track and make our charts for school and get our homework center figured out and organized.  We have to start Layla's family project.  (How I LOVE her preschool and that they have these family projects!)  Rooms need to be cleaned and clothes need to be gone through.  Why are there only two days in a weekend?  It just isnt enough time.  Hannah starts CCD on Sunday and then we have Cha Cha and Braeden's birthdays.  I'd also like to find a Saturday morning activity that I can do.  I'm thinking about spinning.  Just something that I can wake up and go to and get some stress out.  I need to start exercising but I am known for being all gung ho and never following through.  Give me a week and then I fall off the wagon.  I wish I could make this a priority and get my but in gear but somehow it's something that I always fail at.  I would really like to find a way to succeed at this.  Any ideas?  Pointers?  Words of advice?  I'll take anything just give it to me straight!

Here's a video of Cameron from the other day at the office.  I think I have watched it a million times and still manage to crack up at him.  Not sure if it was either the pink pack n play or Foreigner, but he just was not in a napping mood!

Don't forget!  September, is National Childhood Cancer Awareness Month!!!

xo