A moment in time

How does it feel to be a Mama bursting with pride?  Well let me tell you.  Cue in the background story:  In high school I was a cheerleader for my two favorite sports.  Football and Hockey.  I loved watching both.  My Dad taught me at an early age how to be a New England Patriots fan.  I grew up in the era of Steve Grogan and Tony Eason.  I remember being 11 years old and making posters that said, "CRUSH Refrigerator Perry" and "Bury the Bears" for our Pats vs. Bears Superbowl party.  Football was part of me.  I learned to be quite passionate about the sport and I even remember my fellow cheerleaders looking to me to see whether a call at a high school game was good or not so they knew which cheer to start.  (Tracey, I have vivid memories of you turning to me and saying, "Was that good?"  LOL)  My love of hockey came when I first cheered for the sport.  Many of my guy friends were hockey players and like football, I was very enthusiastic about the game.  Luckily, we had a great high school team that went to the Championships often and won while I was in high school.  (Although I still swear it is because of that Hockey Breakfast at KFC that we made them those two years!)  It was a tight knit group.  We had respect for the players and they had respect for us.  We quickly became a family and our boys and my one girl (Shannon Sullivan) would always look out for us.  After a home game we would wait for the players down the hallway outside the locker room.  We'd proceed to give them hugs, and congratulations on a job well done after a win, or a hug and we'll get them next time after a loss.  (Which were few and far between)  We'd then ban together and figure out where we were going to go get a bite to eat.  This usually consisted of Friendlys in the next town over where we would celebrate a win or try to quickly forget about a loss. 


Cheerleading was a big part of who I was in High School.  I was raised a dancer and dance was always my first love.  My biggest passion.  Cheering for me, was an extension of dance.  I loved it and lived for it.  I took it seriously and always tried to make people realize that it was in fact a sport.  We worked hard.  Just as hard as any other sport.  I know some people don't have respect for it, to each his own.  For me, it was serious and I was proud of the job I did.  So you can imagine how I felt yesterday as I somehow found myself waiting at the end of the same hallway outside the locker room for my first born baby girl.  For a second, it actually took my breath away.  Possibly because of the fact that as I stood there and did the math in my head I realized it was nearly 20 years later.  Seriously?  But more because of the fact that as I stood there waiting, my heart was beaming with pride.  This time, for my daughter, who scored her very first goal as a Northern Rhode Island Viking.  Hannah Rose Murphy, #40, age 7. 


To witness that goal is something I will never forget as long as I live.  The expression on her face, priceless.  Her mouth wide open in shock.  In disbelief that she had just scored a goal.  Pure awesomeness at it's best!  I swear to you I will remember that moment always.  I had the opportunity to be with my family at the Patriots game yesterday.  I knew that my heart would not be happy at the Pats game knowing that this was also the same day Hannah would play her first game as a Mite.  These are the moments to cherish.  These kids grow up way too fast.  The moments pass by so quickly.  Motherhood is a gift.  A gift that I don't take lightly.  The Patriots will be there long after my kids are gown.  I am so grateful that I listened to my heart and chose to be at Hannah's game.  The moment she made that goal was validation that I had made the right decision.  That I chose to be a Mom and relish in that moment with my Hannah.  As I let a few proud tears drop from my eyes, I looked over at Billy and swear I saw some misty eyes on his face as well.  (I can say this because I know he doesn't read this)  What a moment to be a parent and feel pride.  To feel something bigger than yourself and have it all be for a little girl who started it all for us. 

So bring on the 6AM practices. Bring on the 4 practices a week. I will gladly be there. It may not seem like fun at the time when I am dragging two other babies to the rink at these ungodly hours, but I have now been reassured that the payoff is so well worth it. Congratulations NRI Vikings MITE C's on a job well done! Hannah, I am so proud of you baby girl.  You did it!  What a gift you are!  I look forward to cheering you on from the stands for many years to come! Go get em girl! xo

The swing of things

Well I will say that I had a productive weekend whipping the house into shape and getting organized for this school year.  There is still much more to do, but at least I started making progress!  I made the girls a little homework center where they can store their homework until it is finished and ready to be handed in.  Otherwise it tends to get lost in the shuffle of the mail and I am often searching frantically for it the night before.  Now they each have a folder, an array of writing utensils and paper for when they need it. 

I also got into Layla's drawers and began to go through her clothes.  With her it's difficult because she is still so tiny that a 3T still fits her.  Because she is tall however, the 4T fits her length but tends to be baggy in other areas.  So I tend to hold on to the smaller sizes and just pair it with leggins.  Thankfully this allows her many different options and we seriously love our hand me downs from Ant Denise.  I got into her flower basket as well.  We often tend to lose our favorite hair flowers and I am always searching everywhere for them.  I decided to organize them as best I could by clipping them to a long ribbon.  So much easier to find the color we want and Layla loves to be able to pick them out on her own in the mornings now.  Flowers are her trademark.  If you ask someone if they know her, they often say, "Oh the cute little girl with the flower?"  She still hardly has hair, so this is a must have accessory for us and one that I just feel is part of her and her personality.  She is my foofy flower baby girl!  I didn't realize the magnitude of my obsession with them until I began stringing them on the ribbon and actually seeing how many we have.  Slightly obsessed?

I also hung up ribbon for their school artwork.  They come home with so many beautiful pictures and projects that my fridge is just not big enough to display it all.  SO we created this ....

Monday, we ended up having a fabulous time after school.  I decided to not let my worry about dinner and getting it served on time bother me and I just ignored the fact that I needed to cook all together.  We got home, unpacked our bags and headed outside.  We played on the swing set.  We played ball.  Hannah and I played soccer and Layla became the hero when we kicked the ball over the fence into the neighbors yard.  Because she is a tiny bit, I was able to lower her over the fence to get it! LOL  It was so much fun just to let loose and play!  Cameron had a blast in the swing and the crazy man even goes down the slide and cracks up the whole way.  We came in at 5:30 and I somehow managed to put together a meal by 6:00.  It wasn't half bad either!  Steak Stir fry with white rice!  The best part was that the kids ATE it!  We are trying to get out of our macaroni and cheese, hot dog, hamburger, pasta every night routine.  I am trying to cook one meal.  One HEALTHY meal and have the whole family eat it.  This can be tough.  But I am on a mission!  They need to learn to eat healthy NOW and I need to be their example.  Here goes nothing!


Tuesdays.  Tuesdays are suppose to be my "day-off",  I can tell you that it is anything but a day off!  LOL  When I think of having a day off, I think about being lazy to wake.  I think about making breakfast for the kids but being able to make them something special like homemade waffles or pancakes.  I think about relaxing but doing something fun with the kids.  Slow moving day full of sunshine and rainbows.  Apparently, I live inside my head too much because that is SO not what my Tuesdays are like!  Instead, it's the hustle and bustle of getting the banana off to school, running to pick up Mom and then we are tossed into a whirl wind of "in the car, buckle car seats, out of the car, unbuckle car seats.  Running errands and going to eh market.  Layla dances from 1:00 - 2:00.  This is Cameron's nap time so we usually spend the hour chasing after him.  Then I drive around and try and get him to fall asleep in the car before we pick up Hannah from school.  Usually this is to no avail and Layla falls asleep instead.  We pick up Hannah from school and then go home to figure out dinner.  I make enough to send home with my parents and enough for my in laws to eat since they had to watch the kids this week while I had a 6:00PM appointment.  The glitch was that Hannah has dance from 5:00 - 6:30, so I drop her off and then come back to get the table set before I drop off Mom and head to my appointment.  My mother in law picks up Hannah from dance.. and so on until it is 10:00PM and I am completely exhausted!  Although.. dinner didn't come out too badly considering....

I did get to spend some time with Ana this week though and I just love this time we spend together.  I swear we could talk for hours.  I put the kids to bed and headed over to her house where we literally sat and talked for nearly four hours.  We sit outside in a stress free environment and just hash out life's problems.  The more I get to know her, the more I see how similar we are.  I am blessed to have her in my life and I swear God sent her to me at this crucial point when I really needed someone to make me feel like I haven't lost all my marbles.  Thank you Ana for "getting me".  For making me feel somewhat normal and for loving me for who I am. 

Hockey starts this weekend for Hannah and I am so excited to see her skate again.  I feel like it has been forever.  Billy took her to get some new gear since the squirt has outgrown everything!  Mommy's thrilled that she has a new helmet to wear as well.  I am anxious to see where she places and even more anxious to hopefully see her play some games this season.  I think Sunday will determine where we stand with all of that.  I am a little hesitant to see how many days a week it will tie up, but I am also excited to see her continue to excel at this sport. 

This is a picture of Layla's Family Project.  I think Hannah and I had more fun creating it than Layla did, but it certainly came out in the famous Layla style!  It's all about PURPLE!

This is a picture of Hannah from last weekend.  Auntie Jill, her personal shopper always tends to buy her EXACTLY what she loves to wear.  Uncle Dave and I agree that she often looks more like Elton John circa 1980... but just the same... I let her be who she wants to be... within reason of course.

Last but not least, here is a picture of the crazy, little Cameroni!  God I love him!  Even though I spend most of the day frantically chasing after him while trying to say a firm "NO"!  To which he laughs at me and continues to do the thing I am telling him not to do!  LOL

It's just me and the Ravioli at the office today and I am soaking her up.  The kid has had me in stitches most of the day.  Her current favorite songs are "I want to go all the way" by Brittany (oh boy), the oldie but goodie, "Who let the dogs out"  (she seriously makes me replay and replay it) and Foster the People's, "Pumped up Kicks."  She just decided that I must wear her flower and stuck it on my head....  my little booger..

 
I hope everyone enjoys the rest of their week.  Remember... September is National Childhood Cancer Awareness Month!  GIVE BACK!  It will warm your heart!  I promise!

Dear Layla Grayce

If ever a name fit a little girl, it would be yours. Layla Grayce Viola. It's so fitting on so many different levels. When I found out I was pregnant a second time, I was estactic. A chance to hold another little baby in my arms made me deliriously happy. I felt like the luckiest person in the world. I felt great the first six weeks of your pregnancy. I even remember running on the treadmill. (The thing that Daddy likes to call a clothes hanger). When week seven came, it hit me like a ton of bricks. I was SO sick. The difference this time was that it was more of a violently nonstop vomiting. I would sleep on the bathroom floor and I even remember being so exhausted that I would come home from work, feed Hannah cereal for dinner and put her to bed at 5:30 so I could go pass out. Daddy was working nights at the Westin during my pregnancy for you so at night, I was on my own. I remember that all my stomach could handle then were Cheez-Its. I remember getting so sick that at one point I ended up in the ER dehydrated and they had to give me IV fluid. Thankfully this was all short lived and by week fourteen I began to feel great. By week fifteen I felt better than ever! I'll never forget it! I was energized and glowing. This was when I began to think of names for you. I secretly wanted another little girl to adore and I was determined to find some Shabby Chic crib bedding. One day I came across a website named, Layla Grayce which had the most beautiful crib bedding. That was it! I was in love. I loved the bedding and I loved the name. I had mentioned the name to Papa and he was wild with excitement over it because Laila Ali was currently on Dancing With the Stars and she was his favorite. From there in out he called you Layla and was not open to any other names.  Even though at this point we didn't know you'd be a girl.


Then came ultrasound day and clear as day before the Tech even said anything I could see you were a girl.   I yelled out, "Oh my God it's a girl!"  The tech laughed at me.  You have no idea how excited I was! Hannah was with me and she was wearing her "Big Sister" shirt. We jumped up and down in the parking lot after the appointment. So Layla you were to be, even though Daddy wouldn't agree on your name until a week before you were to be born. Yes, I named you after a website but girl you had the prettiest bedding a little lady could ask for. We'll get back to that bedding in a bit.


Right around this time was when my Mama began to get sick. Mama was such a huge part of my life that seeing her this way was tough. Mama was everything a grandmother should be and more. She was loving and doting and funny and you never left her house without an extremely full belly. She wouldn't hear of it. Her favorite color was purple and she always had adored butterflies. I wanted so badly for her to meet you but sadly she passed away on July 13th 2007. An hour after Hannah's third Birthday. This was the last gift she gave to me, making sure that she didn't leave us on your sister's birthday. This was when I knew your middle name would be "Viola".


Time came and went quickly.  I felt great all summer long.  As week thirty-four came and went I began to get restless.  Nonnie and Papa were leaving for Italy and I was so afraid of them being gone for your birth.  I began to wish for you to come early.  I had in the back of my mind everyone telling me that your second comes even quicker than the first.  It was all a head game because you were staying put.  I fretted for two weeks while Nonnie and Papa were gone that you were going to come.  You didn't.  Your due date of September 30th came and went and Nonnie and Papa returned from their trip and you still were perfectly content to stay warm and cozy inside my belly.  This of course was foreshadowing the fact that you to this day, still love to be curled up in my arms warm and cozy.  As forty-one weeks hit I was done.  Miserable to be exact.  I had several inductions scheduled and twice I got bumped.  Finally, it was time and Daddy and I drove to the hospital at 5:00AM.  We sat for a bit before being put in the room.  They started the Pitocin and right away the contractions began.  I tried to breath through them and walk the floors.  I even used the yoga ball but unfortunately my body wouldn't dilate.  Five hours into it, I knew I wasn't going to get anywhere so I asked for the epidural.  Within 30 minutes, I dilated fully.  The doctor was still nervous because you hadn't dropped.  She made me push and then knew, you were going to come soon.  (All those sit ups helped!)  She cancelled her C-Section with another Mommy and your entrance into this world began.  Just like your sister you were out in 6 or 7 pushes.  You would have been out sooner if it hadn't have been for that big ol' noggin of yours!  They suctioned you and I heard the beautiful cry, just as I had with your sister.  Daddy inspected you from head to toe to make sure you were healthy.  I knew you would be healthy all along but he needed to be reassured.  Then I held you in my arms for the first time.  My beautiful, 8lb 7 oz Layla Grayce Viola.  You were perfect.  Hannah came right in to meet you and hold you.  She adored you from the moment she laid eyes on you.  Grammy, Nonnie, Papa and Julie were there as well.  Here I was, the mother of two beautiful baby girls.  Life could not have been better.

You were such an easy baby.  Although I think that I was jaded from what we went through with Hannah.  You were always smiling, laughing and content.  You fit perfectly into our family.  I remember so many nights curling up with you on the sofa and cuddling you to sleep.  You did end up with a horrific case of baby acne which foreshadowed what was to come with your allergies.  Turned out that that baby acne was eczema and it ended up getting infected.  Steroid cream took care of it and through it all you kept on smiling.  I took you to work with me and you would sit in the car seat on my desk and just watch me do my work.  You hardly made a peep and you soon learned to love your feet.  You were so flexible that we often found you eating your feet.  The summer after you were born, I remember you being thrilled to just sit and eat your feet.  You took two good naps a day, but when it came time to sleep at night, you wouldn't have it.  Here's where the crib part comes in.  You hated your crib.  That beautiful crib with the most gorgeous bedding, you never used.  We tried and tried and tried to get you to sleep in that crib and you wouldn't budge.  We use to blare The Commodores and the sound of Lionel Richie's voice would calm you, but only for a bit and then you would scream.  One night we left you there screaming for well over an hour when finally I said that I couldn't do it.  I scooped you up, put you in my arms and together we fell asleep.  Of course many comments came my way because of this, but I didn't care.  Whatever made you happy.  I had seen how quickly three years had flown by with Hannah and if you were happy in my arms, then in my arms you would be.  Needless to say, cousin Stella is now enjoying that beautiful crib bedding!  Your room was purple with green accents and I loved it.  It fit you perfectly.  You were my purple girl.  I always felt you had a connection to Mama and to this day, you still love purple and you love butterflies. 

At about eight months old I began to give you formula, although you preferred to nurse.  It was around this time that you began to get a bit fussy and you were having trouble sleeping.  By a year old you were having chronic diarrhea.  It was awful.  You would get it so bad that you would get a horrible diaper rash.  It would be so bad that you would actually bleed.  I knew enough from experience to fight to get some answers.  You were in and out of Hasbro and Boston Childrens.  You underwent a battery of tests including colonoscopies and endoscopies, but nothing was conclusive.  You were put on a special formula that costs $50 a can.  You are still on this formula at the age of three.  It turns out you have an allergy to the protein in milk.  You can have some dairy products, but other's really bother you.  This was also the time we found out you were allergic to peanuts.  We had a kids Halloween party here for a bunch of your friends and it turns out that you got a hold of some peanut butter.  We don't even think you ingested it and within minutes you broke out in hives all over your face and arms.  Your lips ballooned and swelled.  I looked over at you and I lost it.  I panicked.  I did not do well under this situation.  I stripped you down and took you outside in the cool air while I called the doctor.  It was mass chaos.  Auntie Jill ran to get you some Benadryl and we dosed you up for the next two days.  I didn't sleep and I kept my eye on you at all times.  It was so scary!  After this incident we found out you were allergic to more than just peanut and milk.  It was also soy, oats, cat and tree nuts as well.  It can be a neurotic feat to try and figure out what you can eat and as you have gotten older, it breaks my heart to deny you food that you want so badly.  You had lost so much weight that it tore Daddy and I apart to look at your tiny little body.  You were skin and bones.  Over the course of the next year with the help of the formula, you did manage to gain some weight.  Yet to this day, you are a tiny bit of a thing.  Tall for sure, but still so darn tiny!  My biggest baby at birth, but the tiniest one now!

I worry about your health a lot.  You are my child that seems to get everything.  When you get it, it seems as though you get it to the max.  You have no immune system.  You are constantly sick and I hate watching you suffer through.  You have also been diagnosed with asthma and there are many nights we spend trying to help you breath.  You have gotten use to your inhalers, but you still wont go near the nebulizer.  We have our habit of doing "This Little Piggy" while we do your inhalers and this seems to calm you.  You constantly have these crazy rashes.  You often get Petechaie as well and that scares me to no end.  You have had several trips to the ER with crazy viruses that wont end.  You constantly get fevers with no other symptoms.  Did I mention how much I worry about you?  I just pray that the Lord watches over you and keeps you healthy.  I am so afraid that your little body won't be able to fight off any serious infection.  I am hoping that as you enter preschool in the fall, your immune system will sustain so that you can enjoy this coming year.  You are so excited about school.  This is going to be tough on Mommy, but I know how excited you are, so I will be strong.

Through it all you have remained my little cuddle bug.  At three years of age you still say, "Mommy, hold you" instead of "hold me."  This is one of my favorite things that you say.  You love to caress my face and play with my hair.  You are my princess.  My girly girl to the core.  You love to dress up and it is very rare for one to see you without a dress or too-too on.  From the time you were a baby I always use to put the foo foo headbands on you and you never took them off.  Now Sarah makes you the big flower headbands and hats and they have become your trademark.  You turn heads wherever you go.  Your presence alone makes people happy.  You are also my photogenic one and are often so agreeable to let me photograph you.  You have the most gorgeous BIG brown eyes that you captivate people.  As you have gotten older you have developed a remarkable sense of humor and often you have Hannah and I rolling in laughter.  The things you come out with are undoubtedly hysterical.  The way you put words together is just hilarious.  Daddy's favorite is "poop dog" instead of "dog poop".  He goes around the house saying it a million times a day.  One of the things I often make the mistake of saying is "Okay my little peanut?"  "Oh no," you say, "I cant have peanuts Mommy... I'm Layla cakes, okay."  You are also the disciplinarian in the house and you are constantly making sure everyone is doing and saying the right thing.  When I do have to punish you, you are always sorry right away and you have no fear in telling me so.  There are so many cute things that you say that brighten my day it would be impossible to list them all.  You are a Mommy's girl for sure and I love every minute of it.  You still like to cuddle with me in bed and although you and Hannah fall asleep together at night, I often get those visits from you in my bed.  Just being in the bed with us is not enough.  You usually have to be right on top of us or curled into the crook of our backs.  You still love that cozy, warm feeling and I love this bond we have together.  You still don't sleep well at night.  I sometimes think it is all the asthma meds that contribute to this.  Yet, I don't really mind because it's at night when I get my Layla time.  The funny thing is that you are a night owl like Mommy.  Yet you hate the mornings.  You hate to get out of bed and take your jammies off.  You prefer to sleep late and stay cozy.  It takes you a bit to wake up and be happy.  I can almost guarantee that you will be a hard core coffee drinker like Mommy!  I hate the mornings too baby girl!  What I wouldn't do to stay cozy in bed surrounded by my three babies!

You have become quite the dancer as well.  Although many times you seem to lose focus and cause a bit of disturbance in class.  When you do pay attention you are ever so graceful and poised.  You are quite dramatic too!  Every move is exaggerated and expressed to the hilt.  I am so looking forward to witnessing your first dance recital next month because I am sure it will be the most adorable event to watch.  I can't wait to see that adorable costume on you!

You adore Hannah and want to be just like her.  Recently, I have watched your relationship flourish.  Although you wear the pants and usually get what you want from her, I see the two of you bonding much the same as Auntie Ju-Ju and I did.  Hannah loves your company and vice versa.  It warms my heart to know that you will have Hannah to walk through life with.  Auntie Ju-Ju and I are the best of friends and I am so glad that you will have this relationship as well.  You also have become a little mother to baby Cameron.  At times you tend to be too rough with him and you have this thing with squeezing his ears, but it is quite apparent how much you love him.  He loves to be around you.  I have a video of you two from a few weeks ago.  You had jumped in his pack n play and began playing with him.  Something you often like to do while we are at work.  You didn't know I was listening but the words you used with him and the way you took care of him melted my heart.  You are such a love bug! 

Like Hannah and Cameron, I could go on and on about the enormous amount of love I have for you.  Sometimes I get overwhelmed by it and my heart could burst.  I am so grateful that you are my cuddle bug because these moments with you are what makes me just adore parenthood.  You bring Daddy and I so much joy you could never imagine.  My Layla cakes.  My little ravioli.  My Layla Grayce Viola... I love you!  From my head to my toes, I love you baby girl! xoxo

Our Song:

Layla

Eric Clapton

(But of course!)

What'll you do when you get lonely

And nobody's waiting by your side?

You've been running and hiding much too long.

You know it's just your foolish pride.

Layla, you've got me on my knees.

Layla, I'm begging, darling please.

Layla, darling won't you ease my worried mind.

I tried to give you consolation

When your old man had let you down.

Like a fool, I fell in love with you,

Turned my whole world upside down.

Layla, you've got me on my knees.

Layla, I'm begging, darling please.

Layla, darling won't you ease my worried mind

Let's make the best of the situation

Before I finally go insane.

Please don't say we'll never find a way

And tell me all my love's in vain.

Layla, you've got me on my knees.

Layla, I'm begging, darling please.

Layla, darling won't you ease my worried mind



Rainy Wednesdays

I haven't much to report today.  It's one of those rainy days when you wish you could be curled up on the couch with the kids watching a Disney movie.  Layla is in a bit of a mood from not sleeping well last night.  I had them in bed at 7:30 but unfortunately they giggled and played for almost two and a half hours and didn't fall asleep until 10:00.  Thankfully, Hannah seemed okay this morning.  She can be wicked if she doesn't get enough sleep.  Cameron had a tough time going down last night as well.  He is normally my easiest.  I put him in the crib, he curls up with his blankets and goes right out.  Last night however, he needed a little help.  To be honest... I loved it.  I sat and rocked him for a while as he curled up in my arms.  I think I gave him about 1,000 kisses and each time he smiled up at me.  I can't believe this baby boy is 11 months.  Heck, I still can't believe I have a baby boy!

I am feeling a little tired myself.  I think it is these boogie allergies that have me achy and well, drawn out.  My eyes are heavy with dark circles.  I couldn't quite cover up the exhausted look today.  Does anyone have any good products they can recommend?  I've had two coffees and still cant quite seem to snap out of it!

Heading to dance with Hannah banana today and there are only a few more weeks left until recital time.  Today though, will be different because PETE is HOME!  I am so excited for him to see Brenna dance.  I still cant even handle that he is home and staying home.  Praise the Lord that he doesn't have to go back to Iraq.  He is home and he is safe.  I couldn't be happier. 

I was finally able to get through Mommy Maya's post last night.  I waited until I was alone and I sat in bed and read and cried.   There are no words.  No words seem to even come close to the compassion I have for this family and how angry I am that cancer took another child's life.  Please continue to keep this family in your prayers.  http://www.rockstarronan.com/

Stay well my friends..xoxoxo

"I pray that God will fill your heart with dreams.  And that faith gives you the courage to dare to do great things.  I'm here for you whatever this life brings.  So let my love give you roots and help you find your wings."  Mark Harris