Happy 4th 2011

We survived our 4th and we hope you did too!  We stayed pretty local for most of the weekend since the Chubba Luv had a bout with 5th's Disease virus.  The rash went away pretty quickly, but his fussiness remained a bit.  I am thinking that this is due to some more chompers that may be making their way down.  I hate to even call his behavior "fussy" because he is such a good baby.  It's more that I can tell when he is "off" because he wants to be held and will tend to cry more often.  Today he most definitely seems more like himself and has actually been taking more and more steps.  He is so darn cute and proud of himself when this happens.  He makes sure that I am watching him and looks for me after his accomplishment and flashes me that toothy smile of his.  It is beyond adorable!


The sad part about our weekend is that we somehow missed fireworks.  I am pretty bummed out about this.  4th of July doesnt seem complete without the enjoyment and the boom of fireworks.  It just didnt seem to work out so that we could get to any.  Friday was out of the question with Cam being sick and he received his 1 year shots so I knew it would be off to bed early for him.  So we missed the beach fireworks.  Our town didnt have them this year which I think is pretty lame.  I realize there is a budget issue, but still... how can you not have fireworks???   I guess if you dont have the money, then you can't buy them.  I get it, but I still think it's lame!  LOL


Friday we ended up having a movie night and the girls were thrilled to have Daddy home before bedtime for the first time in ions.  He promised Hannah a movie night so we sat and snuggled up to watch "Diary of a Wimpy Kid 2".  Cute.  I actually liked it better than the first.  Daddy pulled out all the stops and showered them with cheese balls, chips, ice cream and pretzels.  Needless to say that bedtime was a little delayed! 


Saturday I was itching to get out of the house with them just for a bit.  I knew Cam still wasnt feeling well, but I couldnt spend the entire gorgeous day cooped up in the house.  Seeing that I have a banana about to turn SEVEN years old and we had previously discussed her getting her ear's pierced for this birthday, we decided that would be the perfect outing we needed.  I also had some things to return from Cameron's birthday so we headed out to the Commons.  Hannah was a riot.  She wanted to get her ears pierced so badly, but she was also terrified.  I kept telling her we could wait.  There was still plenty of time.  But no, she insisted and after deciding it was best to sit on Mommy's lap during the procedure, she did it!  I was so proud of her and so happy to have this moment with her.  I can't believe the time had finally arrived that I felt she was old enough to do this.  I always said that I wanted her to be old enough to acknowledge that it was "special."  Christ, my Dad made me wait til I was thirteen and if he had his way I would have been twenty-two.  I felt the time was right for Han.  I felt like she needed that something to make her feel special since she has been such a big help with the little ones and is just growing up on me.  Needless to say they look adorable and I really love the aqua blue flower earrings she chose.  She is doing great with cleaning the area three times a day.  I can't help but keep staring at her. 


Saturday night we went out to eat and it was a disaster from the start.  We headed out late and by the time we chose a place to eat, the kids were starving and melting down.  We decided on Tortilla Flats and the waitstaff was slow which made everything worse.  The people surrounding us were loud and obnoxious and saying very off key things with the children being in ear shot.  (What the hell is wrong with people sometimes?  I mean, even as a twenty something, I knew enough not to curse in a restaurant where children were or talk about SEX excrutiatingly loud either!  Seriously?  I was disgusted with these people!)   Both Billy and I were ticked and I left to take Cameron to the car even before I finished eating.  I didnt miss much because the food was horrible and Billy couldnt wait to get out of there either.  Bad choice on my part, but at least now we know.  I think at one point I felt like I was juggling a circus act while trying to keep Cameron from screaming and jumping out of the highchair, trying to keep Layla from doing potty in her pants while fighting with Hannah all while catching airborne pens, markers and crayons.  It wasnt their fault.  It was late and we should have planned better.  Although the restaurant service totally compounded the meltdowns.   


Sunday we spent out and about the yard and catching up with cleaning and laundry.  I really didnt have the energy to do much more.  I dont know what has gotten into me lately but I am feeling really down in the dumps about myself.  Could I be going through a mid life crisis early?  Who knows!  It's silly and stupid, but lately I feel so matronly and slumpish.  I feel like I put everyone else before me and I have ALWAYS been happy to do so, but lately, I am getting the itch to do some things for myself.  It's an entirely different feeling for me because I always felt like I was suffocating if I would spend five minutes without the kids.  I hated it and would often be an anxious mess to leave them for any period of time.  Something has changed and I just sort of want to find ME again.  It is SOOO hard with Billy's work schedule, but I have to really try and do some things for myself to make me feel better about myself.  I use to be so in tuned to keeping up my appearance and I want to get that pizazz back.  I want to feel good about myself and happy with myself.  In the end, I know this will make me a better mother and a better wife.  So I have set some goals for myself.  I am hoping to keep these little promises to myself so that I can get back on track. 


Yesterday we headed down to RCB to meet up with my family down the beach house.  The weather cleared nicely and we spent a gorgeous day soaking up the rays and playing with all the kiddos.  I love days like this.  Some people think it is chaos, but I truly eat it up.  I enjoy seeing the kids playing with their cousins and knowing that in the years to come they will be the best of friends.  I had certainly missed my sister after not seeing her for an entire week and spending some time with her also helped to put a smile on my face.  As the evening approached, Mr. Mikey made us a fantabulous dinner.  Even the kids ate it up which was surprising to me since they can be relatively picky with meals.  We cleaned up and got ready for the RCB Pots and Pans Parade.  I freaking love this parade.  I love dressing up the kids and I love watching their faces squeal with delight.  I love seeing the longtime residents waving to the kids and smiling.  It's just down right awesomeness and this year proved no less.  Cameron got a huge kick out of it and any occasion to make some noise, he takes advantage of!  All of the kids had a blast and thoroughly enjoyed the ice cream treats afterwards.  We cleaned them up and got them home to bed.  Layla fell asleep on the ride home which made it for an easy bed time!   


So all in all it was a nice weekend even though I didnt get to see my fireworks.  We are going to have to plan a bit better for next year.  So many plans so little time!  xo

Dear Layla Grayce

If ever a name fit a little girl, it would be yours. Layla Grayce Viola. It's so fitting on so many different levels. When I found out I was pregnant a second time, I was estactic. A chance to hold another little baby in my arms made me deliriously happy. I felt like the luckiest person in the world. I felt great the first six weeks of your pregnancy. I even remember running on the treadmill. (The thing that Daddy likes to call a clothes hanger). When week seven came, it hit me like a ton of bricks. I was SO sick. The difference this time was that it was more of a violently nonstop vomiting. I would sleep on the bathroom floor and I even remember being so exhausted that I would come home from work, feed Hannah cereal for dinner and put her to bed at 5:30 so I could go pass out. Daddy was working nights at the Westin during my pregnancy for you so at night, I was on my own. I remember that all my stomach could handle then were Cheez-Its. I remember getting so sick that at one point I ended up in the ER dehydrated and they had to give me IV fluid. Thankfully this was all short lived and by week fourteen I began to feel great. By week fifteen I felt better than ever! I'll never forget it! I was energized and glowing. This was when I began to think of names for you. I secretly wanted another little girl to adore and I was determined to find some Shabby Chic crib bedding. One day I came across a website named, Layla Grayce which had the most beautiful crib bedding. That was it! I was in love. I loved the bedding and I loved the name. I had mentioned the name to Papa and he was wild with excitement over it because Laila Ali was currently on Dancing With the Stars and she was his favorite. From there in out he called you Layla and was not open to any other names.  Even though at this point we didn't know you'd be a girl.


Then came ultrasound day and clear as day before the Tech even said anything I could see you were a girl.   I yelled out, "Oh my God it's a girl!"  The tech laughed at me.  You have no idea how excited I was! Hannah was with me and she was wearing her "Big Sister" shirt. We jumped up and down in the parking lot after the appointment. So Layla you were to be, even though Daddy wouldn't agree on your name until a week before you were to be born. Yes, I named you after a website but girl you had the prettiest bedding a little lady could ask for. We'll get back to that bedding in a bit.


Right around this time was when my Mama began to get sick. Mama was such a huge part of my life that seeing her this way was tough. Mama was everything a grandmother should be and more. She was loving and doting and funny and you never left her house without an extremely full belly. She wouldn't hear of it. Her favorite color was purple and she always had adored butterflies. I wanted so badly for her to meet you but sadly she passed away on July 13th 2007. An hour after Hannah's third Birthday. This was the last gift she gave to me, making sure that she didn't leave us on your sister's birthday. This was when I knew your middle name would be "Viola".


Time came and went quickly.  I felt great all summer long.  As week thirty-four came and went I began to get restless.  Nonnie and Papa were leaving for Italy and I was so afraid of them being gone for your birth.  I began to wish for you to come early.  I had in the back of my mind everyone telling me that your second comes even quicker than the first.  It was all a head game because you were staying put.  I fretted for two weeks while Nonnie and Papa were gone that you were going to come.  You didn't.  Your due date of September 30th came and went and Nonnie and Papa returned from their trip and you still were perfectly content to stay warm and cozy inside my belly.  This of course was foreshadowing the fact that you to this day, still love to be curled up in my arms warm and cozy.  As forty-one weeks hit I was done.  Miserable to be exact.  I had several inductions scheduled and twice I got bumped.  Finally, it was time and Daddy and I drove to the hospital at 5:00AM.  We sat for a bit before being put in the room.  They started the Pitocin and right away the contractions began.  I tried to breath through them and walk the floors.  I even used the yoga ball but unfortunately my body wouldn't dilate.  Five hours into it, I knew I wasn't going to get anywhere so I asked for the epidural.  Within 30 minutes, I dilated fully.  The doctor was still nervous because you hadn't dropped.  She made me push and then knew, you were going to come soon.  (All those sit ups helped!)  She cancelled her C-Section with another Mommy and your entrance into this world began.  Just like your sister you were out in 6 or 7 pushes.  You would have been out sooner if it hadn't have been for that big ol' noggin of yours!  They suctioned you and I heard the beautiful cry, just as I had with your sister.  Daddy inspected you from head to toe to make sure you were healthy.  I knew you would be healthy all along but he needed to be reassured.  Then I held you in my arms for the first time.  My beautiful, 8lb 7 oz Layla Grayce Viola.  You were perfect.  Hannah came right in to meet you and hold you.  She adored you from the moment she laid eyes on you.  Grammy, Nonnie, Papa and Julie were there as well.  Here I was, the mother of two beautiful baby girls.  Life could not have been better.

You were such an easy baby.  Although I think that I was jaded from what we went through with Hannah.  You were always smiling, laughing and content.  You fit perfectly into our family.  I remember so many nights curling up with you on the sofa and cuddling you to sleep.  You did end up with a horrific case of baby acne which foreshadowed what was to come with your allergies.  Turned out that that baby acne was eczema and it ended up getting infected.  Steroid cream took care of it and through it all you kept on smiling.  I took you to work with me and you would sit in the car seat on my desk and just watch me do my work.  You hardly made a peep and you soon learned to love your feet.  You were so flexible that we often found you eating your feet.  The summer after you were born, I remember you being thrilled to just sit and eat your feet.  You took two good naps a day, but when it came time to sleep at night, you wouldn't have it.  Here's where the crib part comes in.  You hated your crib.  That beautiful crib with the most gorgeous bedding, you never used.  We tried and tried and tried to get you to sleep in that crib and you wouldn't budge.  We use to blare The Commodores and the sound of Lionel Richie's voice would calm you, but only for a bit and then you would scream.  One night we left you there screaming for well over an hour when finally I said that I couldn't do it.  I scooped you up, put you in my arms and together we fell asleep.  Of course many comments came my way because of this, but I didn't care.  Whatever made you happy.  I had seen how quickly three years had flown by with Hannah and if you were happy in my arms, then in my arms you would be.  Needless to say, cousin Stella is now enjoying that beautiful crib bedding!  Your room was purple with green accents and I loved it.  It fit you perfectly.  You were my purple girl.  I always felt you had a connection to Mama and to this day, you still love purple and you love butterflies. 

At about eight months old I began to give you formula, although you preferred to nurse.  It was around this time that you began to get a bit fussy and you were having trouble sleeping.  By a year old you were having chronic diarrhea.  It was awful.  You would get it so bad that you would get a horrible diaper rash.  It would be so bad that you would actually bleed.  I knew enough from experience to fight to get some answers.  You were in and out of Hasbro and Boston Childrens.  You underwent a battery of tests including colonoscopies and endoscopies, but nothing was conclusive.  You were put on a special formula that costs $50 a can.  You are still on this formula at the age of three.  It turns out you have an allergy to the protein in milk.  You can have some dairy products, but other's really bother you.  This was also the time we found out you were allergic to peanuts.  We had a kids Halloween party here for a bunch of your friends and it turns out that you got a hold of some peanut butter.  We don't even think you ingested it and within minutes you broke out in hives all over your face and arms.  Your lips ballooned and swelled.  I looked over at you and I lost it.  I panicked.  I did not do well under this situation.  I stripped you down and took you outside in the cool air while I called the doctor.  It was mass chaos.  Auntie Jill ran to get you some Benadryl and we dosed you up for the next two days.  I didn't sleep and I kept my eye on you at all times.  It was so scary!  After this incident we found out you were allergic to more than just peanut and milk.  It was also soy, oats, cat and tree nuts as well.  It can be a neurotic feat to try and figure out what you can eat and as you have gotten older, it breaks my heart to deny you food that you want so badly.  You had lost so much weight that it tore Daddy and I apart to look at your tiny little body.  You were skin and bones.  Over the course of the next year with the help of the formula, you did manage to gain some weight.  Yet to this day, you are a tiny bit of a thing.  Tall for sure, but still so darn tiny!  My biggest baby at birth, but the tiniest one now!

I worry about your health a lot.  You are my child that seems to get everything.  When you get it, it seems as though you get it to the max.  You have no immune system.  You are constantly sick and I hate watching you suffer through.  You have also been diagnosed with asthma and there are many nights we spend trying to help you breath.  You have gotten use to your inhalers, but you still wont go near the nebulizer.  We have our habit of doing "This Little Piggy" while we do your inhalers and this seems to calm you.  You constantly have these crazy rashes.  You often get Petechaie as well and that scares me to no end.  You have had several trips to the ER with crazy viruses that wont end.  You constantly get fevers with no other symptoms.  Did I mention how much I worry about you?  I just pray that the Lord watches over you and keeps you healthy.  I am so afraid that your little body won't be able to fight off any serious infection.  I am hoping that as you enter preschool in the fall, your immune system will sustain so that you can enjoy this coming year.  You are so excited about school.  This is going to be tough on Mommy, but I know how excited you are, so I will be strong.

Through it all you have remained my little cuddle bug.  At three years of age you still say, "Mommy, hold you" instead of "hold me."  This is one of my favorite things that you say.  You love to caress my face and play with my hair.  You are my princess.  My girly girl to the core.  You love to dress up and it is very rare for one to see you without a dress or too-too on.  From the time you were a baby I always use to put the foo foo headbands on you and you never took them off.  Now Sarah makes you the big flower headbands and hats and they have become your trademark.  You turn heads wherever you go.  Your presence alone makes people happy.  You are also my photogenic one and are often so agreeable to let me photograph you.  You have the most gorgeous BIG brown eyes that you captivate people.  As you have gotten older you have developed a remarkable sense of humor and often you have Hannah and I rolling in laughter.  The things you come out with are undoubtedly hysterical.  The way you put words together is just hilarious.  Daddy's favorite is "poop dog" instead of "dog poop".  He goes around the house saying it a million times a day.  One of the things I often make the mistake of saying is "Okay my little peanut?"  "Oh no," you say, "I cant have peanuts Mommy... I'm Layla cakes, okay."  You are also the disciplinarian in the house and you are constantly making sure everyone is doing and saying the right thing.  When I do have to punish you, you are always sorry right away and you have no fear in telling me so.  There are so many cute things that you say that brighten my day it would be impossible to list them all.  You are a Mommy's girl for sure and I love every minute of it.  You still like to cuddle with me in bed and although you and Hannah fall asleep together at night, I often get those visits from you in my bed.  Just being in the bed with us is not enough.  You usually have to be right on top of us or curled into the crook of our backs.  You still love that cozy, warm feeling and I love this bond we have together.  You still don't sleep well at night.  I sometimes think it is all the asthma meds that contribute to this.  Yet, I don't really mind because it's at night when I get my Layla time.  The funny thing is that you are a night owl like Mommy.  Yet you hate the mornings.  You hate to get out of bed and take your jammies off.  You prefer to sleep late and stay cozy.  It takes you a bit to wake up and be happy.  I can almost guarantee that you will be a hard core coffee drinker like Mommy!  I hate the mornings too baby girl!  What I wouldn't do to stay cozy in bed surrounded by my three babies!

You have become quite the dancer as well.  Although many times you seem to lose focus and cause a bit of disturbance in class.  When you do pay attention you are ever so graceful and poised.  You are quite dramatic too!  Every move is exaggerated and expressed to the hilt.  I am so looking forward to witnessing your first dance recital next month because I am sure it will be the most adorable event to watch.  I can't wait to see that adorable costume on you!

You adore Hannah and want to be just like her.  Recently, I have watched your relationship flourish.  Although you wear the pants and usually get what you want from her, I see the two of you bonding much the same as Auntie Ju-Ju and I did.  Hannah loves your company and vice versa.  It warms my heart to know that you will have Hannah to walk through life with.  Auntie Ju-Ju and I are the best of friends and I am so glad that you will have this relationship as well.  You also have become a little mother to baby Cameron.  At times you tend to be too rough with him and you have this thing with squeezing his ears, but it is quite apparent how much you love him.  He loves to be around you.  I have a video of you two from a few weeks ago.  You had jumped in his pack n play and began playing with him.  Something you often like to do while we are at work.  You didn't know I was listening but the words you used with him and the way you took care of him melted my heart.  You are such a love bug! 

Like Hannah and Cameron, I could go on and on about the enormous amount of love I have for you.  Sometimes I get overwhelmed by it and my heart could burst.  I am so grateful that you are my cuddle bug because these moments with you are what makes me just adore parenthood.  You bring Daddy and I so much joy you could never imagine.  My Layla cakes.  My little ravioli.  My Layla Grayce Viola... I love you!  From my head to my toes, I love you baby girl! xoxo

Our Song:

Layla

Eric Clapton

(But of course!)

What'll you do when you get lonely

And nobody's waiting by your side?

You've been running and hiding much too long.

You know it's just your foolish pride.

Layla, you've got me on my knees.

Layla, I'm begging, darling please.

Layla, darling won't you ease my worried mind.

I tried to give you consolation

When your old man had let you down.

Like a fool, I fell in love with you,

Turned my whole world upside down.

Layla, you've got me on my knees.

Layla, I'm begging, darling please.

Layla, darling won't you ease my worried mind

Let's make the best of the situation

Before I finally go insane.

Please don't say we'll never find a way

And tell me all my love's in vain.

Layla, you've got me on my knees.

Layla, I'm begging, darling please.

Layla, darling won't you ease my worried mind