DANG IT!

I swear if I could take back the past two weeks I would.  Turns out that Hannah's ear was so bad the doctor didn't know how she wasn't crying about it.  Crying?  The kid at SEVEN can't even verbalize that her ear hurts!  So all the yelling.. all the punishments, all the stress on her and us... is because the kid can't verbalize pain.  Maybe because the kid was in so much pain as a newborn, she can't distinguish it!  So as I choke back the lump in my throat and the guilt rising in my gut, I have come to the decision that it is time we take her back to Boston.  I don't know how Billy will feel about this, but I, we, owe it to her.  I should have known.  She only ever acts this terribly when she has an ear infection.  I am not saying that she is not a tough kid and often needs discipline, but these past two weeks have been awful with her and now I know why.  I just wish I could have saved her from it all.  I feel so guilty for waiting so long to take her.  Both tubes are out.  Grrr.. and it was AGAIN the left ear.  Hmmmmmmmm how many times have you heard me say this....That left ear tube is deformed.  I know it is.  The hemangioma deformed it.  She is seven and still needs tubes.  Doesn't anyone get that this is going to be a long term issue?  We need to find a long term solution before my kid loses hearing over it!!!!  My heart is telling me to go back to Boston.  Push for an MRI and start talking to doctors about some of her behavioral problems being linked to what she went through as a baby.  I am her mother.  I won't stop til we have some answers and get this straightened out.  She deserves more and I am going to give it to her.  Dang it, I'd like to slap myself upside the head as I am so mad at myself for not listening to my gut and taking her sooner!  That being said, I am hoping that after a few more days of antibiotics, she will start feeling better and we will have our Hannah back. 

I know I will catch some flack for this because I know people think that it is no excuse for her behavior.  (Not that I care what people think but...)  I would just like you to take a minute and think about what this kid has been through.  She was a mere two weeks (or sooner) away from losing her life.  The pressure was so built up in her head that she was on the verge of suffering a stroke and seizing to death.  She had a blood clot on her brain and these Hemangiomas (tumors) everywhere all over her brain.  Wouldn't it be likely that some of these issues could cause her to have some behavioral problems?  Especially since she can't distinguish pain in this region?  I am not condoning her behavior and it is dealt with, but at the same time you have to understand that this is her way of communicating with us that something is wrong.  She lashes out because that is the only way she knows how to express it.  That's all I can say.  I know this is what is going on and that is all I will say.

She let me put her hair up in the doctors office... it looked so cute!

The girls were also picking out bedrooms for the new babies!!!  We'll get to that in a second....  Looking at this picture I can even see it in the bags under her eyes.  My poor baby!

My purple bundle!!!

and then there is this guy... who more recently likes to strip his clothes off... OYE

I took a break from de-wallpapering last night and created this masterpiece!  I was so proud of myself and I love how it turned out!

AND NOW ONTO DEM BABIES!!!!!  Caiden and Madeline have arrived!!!!!  Caiden Stephen weighed in at 2lbs 8oz and Madeline weighed in at 3lbs 5oz.  Both are doing well and will obviously be spending some time in the NICU being that they are 9 weeks early but THANK YOU JESUS for bringing them to us safe and sound!  Mama and Papa bear are also doing well, although Kirsten is my HERO for being in labor for 48 hours and enduring it!  YOU GO GIRL!  Congratulations YOUNG FAMILY OF FOUR!!!!  We LOVE YOU!

Caiden

Madeline

xo