We had such an amazing time up north. New Hampshire in the fall is always my favorite but the time we had there last week was second to none. All of the kids truly enjoyed themselves and it felt so good to "check out" of reality and just be. With no worries, no responsibilities and no anxiety. We took the kids to Six Gun City, Story Land, up Loon Mountain, Sugar Hill, Harman's Cheese Store... you name it, we did it. Billy and I even found time to take a Moose Tour. Something I had been dying to do since meeting him 8 years ago. Every time we head up to my in laws house in Lincoln, we pass the little booth that has the tours. Every year I say I want to do it. We finally did. We signed up for the 10:45PM tour and headed out loaded up on coffee. I was so excited, it felt like Christmas to me. I have always wanted to see a moose. I know it's strange, but it's just this thing I have. I want to see a moose. Up close. I just think they are so cute. People think I'm nuts but I don't care. The tour has 100% sightings. Do you think we saw a freakin moose? NOOOOOOO! (Well not really anyhow) Within the first ten minutes of the bus ride, we pulled over and the spotlight outside the bus came on. Apparently out in the distance there was a moose between the trees. I jumped out of my seat and to the opposite side of the bus to peer out the window and in that split second the moose turned and was out of sight. Seriously? The rest of the night.. NOTHING! We went to all the popular moose spots and still nothing. The bus pulled off the road and made moose mating sounds on a loud speaker...but no moose. Darnit! I was so dead set on seeing a darn moose that I made Billy take me out again at dusk the following night to search again. We sat at a famous moose spot with the kids for over a half hour with binoculars. NOTHING. Blech. I'm going to see one... I tell you. One of these days!!!!
I also got to see the Mount Washington Hotel for the first time ever. All the years of going up north and never have I ever seen such a beautiful place! It was hands down gorgeous. Mom Murphy, Leanne and I headed up to have some cocktails on the back porch. I was mystified at the beauty and serenity of the place. It was like the New Hampshire version of the Spring House Hotel on Block Island. I was in love! There were fresh colorful hydrangea arrangements all over the lobby. Beautiful chandeliers and of course, a moose head. (LOL) It was such a gorgeous night and we very much enjoyed our girl time surrounded by the beauty of the mountains with our cocktails in hand! I'm making a mental note to someday have enough money to go back there and stay with both my parents and my in laws. Putting it on my Bucket List.
Back to the whole "Moose" thing. I know I am being redundant but we also got to see an exhibit at the Flume Gorge called, "Forever Locked." It was something else. Two bull moose got their antlers stuck together during a fight. One moose's antler literally pierced the other moose's. The antlers were so stuck that neither could escape. The moose died this way. They were stuffed and they now go on display all over the country. So glad we got to see it especially since that was as close as I was getting to a moose this trip.
As you can see, we just had such a great time together as a family while enjoying my in laws and nieces as well. It's so difficult to get back in the swing of things especially during such a crazy week. I seem to be okay with Hannah going to 2nd grade. Does it bother me, yes, but I am also use to her routine because we have done it for 2 years. It's comfortable to me. I know what to expect. Plus she is my independent one. Would I love to keep her home forever? Uh YES! Hands down YES! However, not having my Layla three days a week is making my heart ache. I know you all probably think I am stupid for feeling this way, but I cant help it. She is my baby girl. (Yes Thank God I still have Cameron at home) It's just such a different feeling. I remember feeling this way with Hannah when it was time to let go a bit. But Hannah was so strong and by this point I knew with all my heart that she was healthy. That she'd be okay. Wise beyond her years. Han always seemed advanced to me, even at a young age. With Layla, I just worry so much. With all of her food allergies and peanut allergy. The peanut allergy freaks me out. Her asthma. How she likes to rest often during the day and doesn't have to be doing something all the time. She always gets so sick with everything that I am so afraid exposing her to all the germs that come along with school is really going to do her in. She has no immune system and gets everything ten times worse than everyone else. I am a worried mess. Moreover, she is 3 and a half, but yet, she is a young 3. I feel like she still needs me so much. I'm afraid that what I am about to learn is the exact opposite. That I need her more than she needs me. She's where I get all of my cuddles and love from. She never goes an hour without telling me she loves me. She constantly tells me I look like a princess and she is constantly wanting to wrap her arms around me and be as close as possible. She still says, "Mommy, hold you," when she wants to be held. I hope she says it that way for the rest of her life! She still sometimes wakes in the night and yells out for me, wanting to be cuddled by me. Last night she couldn't fall asleep until I put her in my bed and we cuddled ourselves to sleep. In my eyes, she's still my baby. I am just not ready for her to be.. well to be out there... exposed. Exposed to kids who may be mean to her or may hurt her feelings. I just want to protect her, like all my kids, from hurt. I want to keep her little, just a little bit longer.
That being said and now that you all think I have flipped my lid, I know I have to let go... just a smidge though. I know preschool is where she belongs and where she will thrive. I am putting her first by doing this, since technically she doesn't have to go until next year with her late birthday. I know that this is what is best for her and she needs to be surrounded by other children and learn the age appropriate things. I know this is right, but it doesn't make it easy for me. I know that this is something she is excited about and even though I vent my feelings here, I wont do it in front of her. That's not to say that I will skip the mascara and eye makeup on Monday, because I know they will be of no use due to my tears. I am hopeful that once we are in a routine, I will get use to not having her little face smiling up at me in my office. No.. sorry.. there is no way that I am not going to miss that. Though I will put my game face on and see this through.
I always hate this part of year when summer ends. It always seems to be a tough transition for me. For the kids too. I am looking on the brighter side and very much looking ahead towards the Fall. There is so much to look forward to and it is my favorite season of all. I am going to try and remain positive about all of this and just plug on forward. As I always say, I am blessed. Blessed to have this life that I have and blessed to have these three angels to dance around in my life.
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