The Bambino

Oh my what a wonderful visit we had at the ultrasound office yesterday.  My OB sent me to a place that performs Level 2 ultrasounds based on my age and the fact that the JuneBug didnt cooperate and show his or her face at my anatomy scan.  Also because Billy has a minor heart/valve issue that may be congenital.  We had to do this for Layla as well because of Billy's heart issue but the place we went to yesterday... OH ME LORD!  Who would of thunk that a place so beautiful could exist on Allens Avenue?????  I tell you I was begging the tech to see if there was a way I could give birth there!  The waiting room was just full of these bright wonderful colors with a whole seperate kids area filled with anything a child could possibly want.  It was accessorized with a gigantic tropical fish tank.  Layla thought it was magnificent and loved that the fish kept playing hide and seek with her.  The receptionist desk had an array of cinamon cake and fruit displayed on it for your liking and the music sounded as if I was the Red Door Spa at the Biltmore.  I havent even begun to describe the bathroom yet!  That came complete with a shower and beautiful stone tile and one of those modern sink and faucet duos.. it was soooo very elegant and beautiful!  I swear, I didnt want to leave!

The tech we had was wonderful and so very nice.  She kept playing with the baby and saying how cute he or she was!  JuneBug was a bit rambunctious and was having a jolly time flipping all about.  Yet, the tech was able to get all of the pictures she needed in order to tell us that the bug was looking just right!  There was one point where she said she was going "down there" if we wanted to know the sex and for a split second I looked at Billy and we were about to cave, but somehow I mustered up the courage to avoid the temptation and I looked away and said no!  Afterwards the heart doctor met us in his office and went over the results as well saying that the heart looked great and the blood was flowing through the chambers just fine!  It was such a wonderful appointment and looking at the pictures.. I just think they are sooo very cool!  I have never had pictures of either of my girls in the utero like this and I cant help but notice that this bug looks so very much like Miss Layla!    Ahhh  only 19 more weeks and the identity will be revealed! 

Last but not least, Mom and Dad left for Florida today.  They are driving down to Naples and will be there for 6 weeks.  Is it bad that I still cry when my parents leave?  Seriously, ever since I was a kid and they would go on business trips, they would leave and I would bawl my eyes out.  Even back then I was always so worried that this goodbye would be the last.  Hence the reason why I hate goodbyes.  I know this trip will be good for them, especially my Mom.  I am hoping they get exactly what they need and that is some much deserved rest and relaxation.  I just pray that they make it there safely.  I also pray that the sky opens up and sends me plane tickets so I can take the girls and go visit them!  LOL  Happy Friday!

Couldn't resist posting this of all the grandchildren on the Rianna side.  I photographed them in November and we had this portrait blown up and custom framed and gave it to my parents for Christmas.  They absolutely loved it! 

Here, Layla is 2, Hannah is 5, Reanna is 1 and Braeden was just over 2 months old.

JuneBug

That's All I Ask For Anymore - Trace Adkins

it was a home run when the game was tied

a pick up truck when I could drive

one pink line when katie said I'm late

it was a passing grade, a pretty girl

all the money in the world

what mattered then kept changing every day

but when I bow my head tonight

there'll be no me myself and I

just watch my wife and kids please lord

that's all I ask for any more

now a days it's crazy how

a passing storm, a siren sound

can make me drop it all and pick up the phone

to hear her say that all's okay is all I need to know these days

can't wait to see their faces when I get home

and when I bow my head tonight

there'll be no me myself and I

just watch my wife and kids please lord

that's all I ask for any more

let 'em outlive me by a hundred years

let their laughter dry up all their tears

let 'em love and be loved back like I have been

when I bow my head tonight

there'll be no me myself and I

just watch my wife and kids please lord

that's all I ask for any more

that's all that matters anymore

This has certainly been a week of many emotions for many reasons.  Without getting into it, because I truly am not able to at this point, I just cant stop the tears from flowing.  I know that these hormones are most definitely a contributing factor and I am keeping that in mind.  There have been so many things going on that every time I feel as though I am standing back up, there comes another blow.  I have to keep reminding myself that wallowing in misery will not get me anywhere and does nothing for the situation.  That standing tall and appreciating time is what matters most and what will lead me to no regrets in the end.  So that is what I am going to put all my might in doing.  I have always prided myself in being so grateful for what I have and I need to revisit this because although things are a bit tough at the moment, it could always be so much worse.  So this is me, getting rid of the yuckies, and lifting my spirits to realize that yes indeed, I am so very fortunate.


To add to my teary eyes today, we hit another milestone in our house.  Miss Layla started daycare today for the first time.  Although I enjoy her tremendously at work, I also felt as though I was barricading her in to a world of adults.  She is so very sweet and endearing and she needed a day where she could be with children of her age and enjoy them.  I anticipated her transitioning easily because we have been discussing her starting "school" where she already knew a few friends.  She also gets frustrated when she cant accompany Hannah to school.  Well, it didnt go as easily as I had expected.  The poor baby got so very frightened by all the kids and clung to me like saran wrap!  Thus, not making it easy on Momma Bear.  The other sight that made it difficult was that almost every single one of the kids had a crouping horrible cough.  UGH!  Layla's immune system is terrible enough.. how is this all going to play out?  I did manage to get to my car before the tears began to roll down my cheeks and I was able to stop them prior to stepping into work.  I just hope we are doing the right thing by her.  I want her to socialize with children her own age, but I am not sure if it is the best thing for her health.  Oh how I wish I could just win the lottery and be a stay at home Mom so I wouldnt have to be struggling with these decisions!  I did call to check on her when I got to my office and they said she was settling in fine, so that eased my fears.  I just wish there was a sign telling me that yes, I am making the right decision!  Poor Billy got my frantic sobbing phone call as I drove to work.  Thankfully, he was able to help me put myself back together and back in control.. LOL  He must think to himself that he married a looney!  Thank God for him!


As the days go on I can feel the bug kicking more and more.  This is such a comforting feeling for me.  I cant even begin to explain how excited I am to spend this time with my babies this summer.  I have such a need to make this a memorable and unforgettable summer!  Solely because we will have time..TIME!  What's more precious than time?  Absolutely nothing in my book.  I cant stop daydreaming about our days to come down the beach spending time with the girls, the new bug, Jules and Reanna and Mom.  These are most definitely the thoughts that have been calming me.  For now, these are the thoughts I will be keeping!

Viewing the June Bug!

Yesterday was the BIG day and I had my anatomy ultrasound!  We got to see the June Bug loud and clear on the flat screen tv!  I picked Miss Hannah up a bit early from school and we headed on over to the doctors.  Hannah was so cute about being able to recognize the baby's head and belly.  She was also so helpful in taking care of Layla while the tech viewed the bug.  I closed my eyes and turned my head when the tech went to the under regions.  I was good and even though the temptation was so overwhelming, I kept my promise to keep the baby's sex a suprise to the end!  June bug was all cozy and sleepy and actually had it's head tucked so far away that the tech was not able to scan the baby's face so Dr. Boyle would like me to have another ultrasound in two weeks just to make sure everything checks out okay.  I was thrilled to be able to have another ultrasound, but at the same time, the temptation will be staring me right in the face again!  I am sure I will get through it just fine.  Another week and I will be half way there.  WOW did THAT go by fast!  I knew it would.  I just love feeling the bug move and squirm.  It really is the most reassuring feeling.  I cant wait to meet this little one and I have been having some really vivid dreams about caring for three little monkeys.  I will say, I am getting the "girl" vibe.  Not to say that it couldnt be a boy, but last night's dream entailled me frocklicking about Block Island with my three girls.  We shall see.  Whatever God's wish is I am fine with.  I just pray that this bug is healthy.  That is my one wish!

Other than that, not too much going on.  Billy is still up in New Hampshire and the girls and I have been getting by.  I have been organized for the first time in my life with making meal plans and having dinner on the table at a decent time.  Organization is certainly key in this respect.  Now if I can only find the time to incorporate exercise into this regime, I would be all set.  By the time the girls go down to bed, I am utterly exhausted and I am not able to do much at all.  Moreover, Hannah ahs been giving me a real tough time these past two weeks.  Again it is always hard to decipher her behavior.  I am suspecting an ear infection but I can never be sure.  I just ordered an otoscope because I am tired of the guessing game.  She doesnt have a fever, but her eyes look sunken in and tired.  She has also been sluggish lately and Billy even noticed her lack of enthusiasm at hockey this weekend.  I received a phone call from school this afternnon saying she was at the nurse's office and both her ears were hurting her.  She did not want to eat her lunch or go back to class.  So I went and picked her up.  I have a prescription for antibiotic that I think I may just start her on it.  It becomes such a pain to try and get her into the Pediatrician's office for an ear check.  Lately I have been there every 2 weeks and they have diagnosed her with one, so I am hoping to just start her on the meds and fingers crossed I will see an improvement in her behavior.  As it stands I am quite disgusted by the way she has been talking to me.  I have taken away everything from television to movie night and I have not seen much of an improvement.  I really need to get a grip on this because she is only 5.  If she acts this way now, we are doomed by the time she is 10.  She can be so very sweet and lovable, but when she gets the freshies.. it is brutal I tell ya.  So hopefully we will get a grip on this and send her on the right path!

That's all for today.  I will try and scan some pics of the June Bug and get them up on here tomorrow!

SICK!

It never fails that the week after Christmas I get sick.  This year, I am once again SICK!  It was bound to happen with the schedule I had been keeping and the running myself ragged trying to get everything done.  My immune system is always worse this time of year anyhow.  I dont think the girls are well either and I have an appointment at the pediatrician to have them checked as well.  I am suspecting an ear infection for Hannah as her behavior has been quite unruly and so unlike herself the past several days.  (In her case, I truly hope it is an ear infection or we are going to have to start really coming down on her and her attitude)  Layla has had an on an off fever so best to get them both checked before we go into the New Year's weekend.  As for me, I will have to stick this one out.  No antibiotics with the little one growing inside of me! 


Christmas was wonderful this year!   Mostly because Billy made it home for most of the festivities.  We were finally able to meet up with him at his parent's house Christmas Eve at around 8:00pm.  The girls were so excited to see him that we ended up letting them stay up much longer than we anticipated.  I dont think they got to sleep before 10:30!  Thankfully, I was organized enough that Billy and I had everything out and set to go by 11:30 pm.  I cant tell you the many Christmas Eve's that we have been up well past midnight putting everything together.  This year was so much easier!  Christmas morning was spectacular and watching the girls wide eyed with wonder and amazement was truly magical.  Layla is at such a fun age this year that she was completely enthralled with all of her gifts.  Hannah was so excited to receive her pink hockey stick from Santa and she too, still makes it all magical!  We spent the day with Grammy and Grampy and then the evening with my family and all went nice and smoothly.  The rest of the weekend was spent visitng with family and celebrating the holidays. 


And now, here we sit, with it all over.  I always hate this feeling.. the after Christmas letdown.  It has affected me ever since I was a kid.  It is so depressing.  I absolutely despise taking down the decorations.  You might think I would be ready too since we have had them up since the beginning of November this year!  Nope, I still dont like it.  Poor Hannah began to cry when I started putting some things away.  My heart broke for her because to be honest, I wanted to cry too!  There is still so much more to do and the house is quite the mess these days with the kitchen repairs in full swing.  I will be thankful when it is all over and I have my house back!  Next on the agenda is figuring out how to take the tree down without Billy.  Not sure if I am going to be able to hack that one. 


Sleep has been on the "not so much" list these days as well.  Which I am sure is contributing to how terrible I am feeling.  The girls have had a tough time sleeping as have I.  Although, the other morning I woke to Layla crying at 4:00AM and then had a real tough time getting back to sleep because for the first time, I could feel the bean moving all about!  He or she was having a boxing match in there and as tired as I was, it is still such a wonderful feeling to be able to actually feel your child moving around inside of you.  I really am trying to take it all in and hold onto it for as long as I can.  I know all too soon that there will be a day when I will miss being pregnant and being able to bond with my child in such a special way.


What I wouldnt do to have Billy back home today!  Hopefully he will get out early enough to make it back home at a decent hour tomorrow.  I pray that he stays safe driving.  It is always a worry of mine.  Hopefully only a few more weeks of him working up North and then we will have him back.  Oh how much more I appreciate him these days!

Yesterday we had an appointment with baby doctor!  I was able to take the girls and they behaved so well!  I was really excited to see their reactions to hearing the heartbeat on the monitor.  Hannah was enthralled!  It was such a cool moment to experience with them.  I still think I need to pinch myself to understand that I will be in several months, a Mom of three! 


I have to thank my dear friend Sara who sent me these lovely preggo pops that are supposed to help with the nausea.  It was so nice of her to send, especially since she is going through the wonderful nauseas state in her pregnancy as well.  I am just thrilled for her though as this is her first!  It was so fun to come home to a package from her and so very thoughtful! 


I am hoping I can be productive this week as I still have so very much to do to prepare for the Holiday.  There is more shopping to be done and I really need to just get organized!  I feel like there is so little time and with Billy being back up in NH it is so very hard to drag the girls everywhere.  Moreover, I cant have them with me when I am shopping for them!  I know it will all get done as I somehow always manage to fit it all in.  Hence the staying up past midnight last night to clean the house.  It had been a few weeks since it had the attention it needed.  In my defense, I had halted the cleaning thinking our kitchen would be getting fixed.  Before Thanksgiving, my tub drain upstairs gave way and send the water crashing through my kitchen ceiling.  We lost the ceiling and every single light fixture as well.  It took over a week to get the drain fixed so I could finally give the girls their baths and that is all that has been fixed since.  We are still fighting with the insurance company over the estimate.  Bottom line is I want it fixed!  I was originally supposed to have Christmas, but with no electricity in the kitchen, it makes it a little tough to put on the holiday.  Moreover, by 5:30, it is completely dark and you cant even see to cook!  Fingers crossed we get it resovlved and soon.

I am happy to say that as of yesterday, I am officially in my second trimester!  I may even possibly be feeling a bit better, or it could just be my mind playing tricks on me.  Although, there are definitely some periods that the nausea still completely sneaks up on me.  That being said, I am also EXHAUSTED!  Now I can't entirely blame this all on baby bean because I definitely havent made things easy on myself with my crazy schedule.  Between carting the girls two and fro, working job one and taking on the photography as a side business, I have had little time to get and R&R these past several months.  Have I mentioned that Billy has been working in New Hampshire since Tuesday?  Thankfully the girls have been wonderfully behaved and they have been really easy to manage while he has been away.  Also, now that Christmas is almost here, I had my last shoot yesterday so this too, shall remain a bit quiet for the next few weeks.  I am honestly looking forward to finally taking a step back and enjoying the season. 

Today we took the print that I shot of the four grandchildren to a framer.  He was wonderful.  He knew we had to work within a budget and he did such a wonderful job picking something out that my parents are just going to adore.  I have to say, I really was proud of how this portrait came out.  Thinking about it being displayed in my parents house knowing that it was me who took the photograph, really makes me feel good.  I can't wait to see it all finished and I just know my parents are going to LOVE it!  It's huge, 30 x 40 to be exact and it is just lovely.  All of their darling expressions captured!  Thankfully the framer said that we could reuse the frame each year as we take new portraits, with new added beans!  (wink wink)

And now I am off to get my #1 girl at school.  I am going to try and get my errands done so that we can spend a cozy night at home together RELAXING!  Completely looking forward to it!  Stay warm!

Here is a picture of baby bean growing inside of me!  This was 6 weeks ago so imagine what he or she looks like now!  AHHH I am so excited! 

Well I believe that it is certainly about time that I take a moment to post!  Things have been such a whirlwind the past several months that I have had barely 2 seconds to myself and I have missed my writing on here.. my therapy!  LOL  Thankfully, although quite busy, the Murphy household is doing well.  The kids have been healthy the past few weeks (knock on wood).  We did get hit with the Swine Flu, however, we all survived and I am surely glad we got it over with prior to the Holidays!

Work has been extrememly busy.  From the office to photography, I have been running around like a nut trying to keep up with everything.  I am completely grateful for the Internet as it has been my only savior in getting any Holiday shopping done!  Thankfully though I am managing to keep it all in check while enjoying the season with my girls.

My how they have grown.  Hannah is doing wonderfully in school and I have noticed how very much it has matured her.  She is not my little girl anymore!  At the same time, I am truly enjoying our relationship with her being older.  She is so bright and so caring.  She is still dancing and excelling at hockey.  I love being a hockey Mom!  I am so very proud of her!  She skates so well!!!

Layla is growing like a weed which is wonderful to see!  Her clothes are beginning to fit her tightly which is a dream come true!  I think she will be in a 2T before the winter is out and I cant tell you how happy that makes me!  She is eating so much better these days!  Now if we could conquer her sleep habits we would be all set!  Her vocabulary has totally grown and she is such a caring and cuddly little darling.  She is always making sure everyone is alright and her little voice just makes everyone laugh. 

We do have a bit of exciting news to share!  We are expecting #3 this June!  I am thrilled!  I cant believe how very blessed we are.  This was a dream for me and I really didnt know if it would come true and now that my belly is growing by the day, I couldnt be happier!  The girls are beside themselves with delight.  Hannah is so excited she talks to the baby all the time and waves to my belly!  Layla is enthrolled with kissing my belly at least 5 times a day.  The Lord has been good to me and I just pray for a healthy baby.  We wont find out this time as it is our last and I want a suprise til the end.  Either way gender wise, I could care.. again just HEALTHY!  I am finally coming out of my terrible morning sickness phase and hopefully in the next few weeks I will have my energy back as well.  I am looking forward to savoring every moment of this pregnancy!!! 

Wishing all a very Happy, Healthy and Safe Holiday Season!!!

Where does the time go?  I really cant believe it has been so long since I have had a chance to sit down and collect my thoughts and write!  I swear these days are just flying by faster and faster and I just want to stop it all from happening so quickly! 

However everything is going really well and I really cant complain.  The kids are doing great and I think that Layla is finally starting to feel better and eat better.  The last step to getting her back on track completely would be to get her to sleep better!  Hannah is doing fantastic in school.  She is also really enjoying dance, soccer and hockey.  I was worried about the hockey but believe it or not, I think she likes it best!  Who would have thought. 

The photography business is up and going and we are beginning to book for the Holiday Season.  I am a little scared to figure out how I am going to fit everything in and get coverage for the kids, but I keeping my fingers crossed that it will all just fall into place.  Amanda is still on maternity leave so I have been taking on half of her responsibilites as well as my own at work, so that is still a little bit hectic as well.. but I am sure it will all just work out and fall into place!

I am looking forward to the Holiday Season and I am hoping to begin to get organized and get some some shopping done.  I cant wait to enjoy the season with the kids and family.  We were able to get tickets to the Polar Express up in New Hampshire which is AMAZING!  This will be our 3rd year and I am so excited.  There is nothing like it and it truly is the best way to ring in the season! 

That's all for today!  Hope everyone is doing well!

Apology

Wow it has certainly been some time since I have had a moment to catch up with everyone!  These weeks are just flying by!  Things are going well on the homefront.  To catch up on Layla's health, she had the endoscopy and sigmoidoscopy a few Friday's back.  (Again the experience of anesthesia with Layla is horrible and unfortunately I was by myself this time.)  Results are in and she went in with colon issues and came out with esophagus issues.  Apply Murphy's Law here!  Her colon looked good, however her espohagus is inflamed, especially the lower portion and the biopsies came back confiming this inflamation.  The cause?  One of two things.  Acid reflux or an allergy process.  My gut is telling me it is the latter of the two since she is our allergy kid.  The fix?  Right now she is on prevacid.  He wants to scope her again once we give the medecine a few weeks to work.  If he doesnt see a change, then we are going to have to figure out exactly what allergy wise is causing this.  Which means at that point we will be going to a Boston Allergist.  He did say that he didnt believe that the chronic diarrhea is related to this condition "Esophogitis" however, in my research I found that if it is caused by the "allergy process", diarrhea and cramping can result.  (This is where I throw my hands up in the air!)  I am very thankful and relieved that it isnt anything serious!  I think it is just going to take some more time to get to the bottom of and I think we have to be really strict with Layla's diet.  Easier said than done when you have a 5 year old devouring ice cream in front of her!  LOL


Last Friday I was also able to finally get my butt out and enjoy some sister time with Julie.  We went to Patriot's Place Showcase Live and completely enjoyed the Billy Ray Cyrus concert.  It was FANTASTIC!  The two of us had more fun than I think I have had in years.  I forgot how much trouble the two of us could get into when we are enjoying a night out.  It had been way too long!  I think I have totally converted her to a BRC fan as she is still jammin to the cd I made her in her car!  It honestly was the stress reliever I needed and I really need to learn to do this more often for myself. 


I have also been trying to get the side business up and running and you can check out my Photography blog at http://kerrimurphyphotography.blogspot.com/  I am really hoping to get this thing going.  My girlfriend Shannon has completely been my mentor and hopefully between the two of us we can really get something going.  I totally idoloze her in this department as she truly has a very unique skill and I want to learn all that I can from her.  So fingers crossed we can generate some business and I can build my portfolio up.  If anyone is interested in doing some shoots, please email me!  (Rianna002@aol.com) 


Lastly, I am trying to frantically prepare for my baby girl's birthday!  I can NOT believe that a week from today, she will be 2!  OMG it is just all a blur!  The whole two years a complete blur!  Why does it have to fly by so quickly?  Her personality is truly showing these days and my dainty little butterfly has turned into quite the little unruly one, but I will say that aside from her frustrating us at times, she still is my cuddle bug and you just cant help but to laugh hyserically at her!  She is just too darn cute!  She just adores Hannah and Hannah adores her as well.  So this week, we are in last minute party planning mode trying to prepare a little something to celebrate the two years we have been blessed with her!  I always have the best of intentions with being organized and yet somehow... I always end up being a last minute ANNIE!  LOL!

September 11th, 2009

Happy 30th Birthday to my dear sister Julie.. welcome to the time in your life where you will continually tell everyone for the next 20 years that you are 29! :) Welcome to the world little Brea (9.10.09). We are so happy to have you join the Foo Foo Club!

Where Were You

Where were you when the world stopped turning

that September day

Out in the yard with your wife and children

Working on some stage in LA

Did you stand there in shock at the site of

That black smoke rising against that blue sky

Did you shout out in angerIn fear for your neighbor

Or did you just sit down and cry

Did you weep for the children

Who lost their dear loved ones

And pray for the ones who don't know

Did you rejoice for the people who walked from the rubble

And sob for the ones left below

Did you burst out in pride

For the red white and blue

The heroes who died just doing what they do

Did you look up to heaven for some kind of answer

And look at yourself to what really matters

I'm just a singer of simple songs

I'm not a real political man

I watch CNN but I'm not sure I can tell you

The difference in Iraq and Iran

But I know Jesus and I talk to God

And I remember this from when I was young

Faith hope and love are some good things he gave us

And the greatest is love

Where were you when the world stopped turning

that September day

Teaching a class full of innocent children

Driving down some cold interstate

Did you feel guilty cause you're a survivor

In a crowded room did you feel alone

Did you call up your mother and tell her you love her

Did you dust off that bible at home

Did you open your eyes and hope it never happened

Close your eyes and not go to sleep

Did you notice the sunset the first time in ages

Speak with some stranger on the street

Did you lay down at night and think of tomorrow

Go out and buy you a gun

Did you turn off that violent old movie you're watching

And turn on "I Love Lucy" reruns

Did you go to a church and hold hands with some stranger

Stand in line and give your own blood

Did you just stay home and cling tight to your family

Thank God you had somebody to love

I'm just a singer of simple songs

I'm not a real political man

I watch CNN but I'm not sure I can tell you

The difference in Iraq and Iran

But I know Jesus and I talk to God

And I remember this from when I was young

Faith hope and love are some good things he gave us

And the greatest is love

I'm just a singer of simple songs

I'm not a real political man

I watch CNN but I'm not sure I can tell you

The difference in Iraq and Iran

But I know Jesus and I talk to God

And I remember this from when I was young

Faith hope and love are some good things he gave us

And the greatest is love

The greatest is love

The greatest is love

Where were you when the world stopped turning

that September day

Alan Jackson...

We will never forget..

Twinkle Toes

My twinkle toes thoroughly enjoyed her first lesson at To The Pointe of Performing Arts last night. I have to say, and I know I am totally biased.. but when she was all dressed and ready to go, I actually got choked up at how beautiful she looked. I dont even think the word beautiful could grasp what I was looking at. She has this perfect little muscle toned body and this gorgeous face with a gorgeous smile. I couldnt help but beam with pride as I watched her "Shuffle-Step". I will also add that she was so excited to be dancing that she did not even flinch at putting the tights on. I was in shock and so was Grammy! Her new friends welcomed her right in and I was glad to see that they were all as outgoing as she is. They were running around the studio in minutes of meeting each other and Hannah was in all her glory. She actually asked me if she could dance every night. I think my heart grew at least 3 inches bigger at this comment! Ahhh.. how sweet it is to watch her enjoying my deepest passion.. how sweet it is.

There goes my life

I am here, yes I am here. It has been quite some time since I have been able to bring myself to update because I knew in doing so I would be bringing up some raw emotion. Am I being dramatic? Probably. Do I care? No. Kindergarten has begun, and I have had to let go of my firstborn baby. By far one of the most difficult journeys I have yet to endure. The transition was not what I had hoped for it to be. To be frank, it was miserable. Do I have unrealistic expectations? I honestly dont think so since the transition of Hannah attending preschool was so much easier than this. I drove in, parked, walked her to her locked classroom door which was obtainable from the outside of the building, knocked, a bright cheerful teacher greeted us, I kissed her goodbye and inside she went. I then made my way back to my car, waving at the Principal as I went and left never questioning her safety or the ways of the school.

Unfortunately, this is not true for Kindergarten. The first day was a complete and utter disaster. Everyone was a confused. No one knew what to do or where to go. There was no one to greet us and let us know. A total mess. At which point, the hesitant children began to melt because there was no order and they were amongst chaos. One by one I watched these kids start to cry and by the second day, I had had enough and I faxed a letter to the Superintendent's office. Four hours later I received a phone call from the Assistant Superintendent. Although kind and considerate, she refused to take blame for any of the issues that I had brought up. Wait, step back.. I am getting ahead of myself. Lets first acknowledge the fact that ME.. I wrote a letter to the Superintendent's office! Anyone reading this who knows me, knows I am the most non confrontational person you will ever meet. Yet, by the second day of chaos and parents a mess wanting to pull there kids out of the school and put them elsewhere, with my mother in law a teacher, in shock herself at the disorganization and my father in disbelief... I was moved by my fury. I am writing all of this at the risk of me sounding like a complete lunatic of a parent. I do apologize for any teachers reading this. I know that sometimes things arent always what they seem and you should expect some chaos during the first week of school or so, however I can guarantee you this wasnt your normal first day of school frazzle... Back to the return phone call, the Assistant Superintendent started the call off by saying, "By no means is this call an apology so please do not take it in this way." Seriously? This is what you say? Need I rant further? I WILL say that since I have brought up my concerns, things have changed. The front door is guarded now and only the children are allowed in and not every Tom, Dick and Harry. Furthermore, the school's buzzer has been repaired. As for the grounds, I was told that was Public Work's responsibility... and nothing has been done yet. It is so easy to pass blame isn't it though? This is so one of my pet peeves. If you make mistakes, own up to them. Be responsible. It's the Town's job to notify Public Works and get the grounds fixed. My taxes went up $800! Where is this money going??????????? So all in all the first week of Kindergarten was hell. Thankfully, this week has seemed a bit better for both Hannah and I as we now know what to expect. However, I will not say that I am comfortable with the school and I do feel as though we really need to get a realistic idea of what we could sell our house for and move to a town that has a better school district. I am hoping to really get this going and figure things out because again, I am so not comfortable.

On a positive note, Hannah started soccer on Saturday and she did really well. I LOVE watching her play and I look forward to Saturday mornings in the Fall weather looking on as a proud parent. They do an extraordinary job with the kids and are very precise with teaching them all of the basics in a fun way that keeps their interest. She also starts dance this evening at a professional studio. I could possibly be more excited than she. Although a bit hesitant to see her reaction to having to wear tights. If you remember, she is a NO TIGHTS, NO SOCKS, NO SHOES (think we can make a country song out of this?) type of kid, so this should be quite interesting. I am keeping my fingers crossed we can keep her distracted long enough to get them on her and send her tapping on her way. If not, I am truly in for it. TO BE CONTINUED! HA!

Other news on the home front is that Layla has her endoscopy and sigmoidoscopy scheduled for 6:30am Monday morning at BCH. I am grateful since the poor little doll had a terrible bout of diarrhea over the weekend that left her with bleeding sores all over her diaper area. It is seriously painful to look at and I am hoping that ointment begins to help heal them soon. Billy actually described it best when he said it looked like someone burned her with cigarettes. Hopefully, this test will give us some direction as far as it being a condition, or a food allergy that we are unaware of. Right now as it stands she is allergic to the peanut, soy, milk and oats. Possibly there is something else that we dont know about causing this distress? I am not looking forward to the prep we have to do over the weekend for it but I know it needs to be done and you have to do what you have to do. I will say she looks as though she is really beginning to grow. Bitter sweet since I want her to grow and be healthy, but I cant even think about her 2nd Birthday lurking just around the corner!

Also on Monday, my Mom will be undergoing some testing up in Boston. She has not been feeling well for some time and once again Boston has pulled through for us in the medical field. We had made an appointment in the Spring, but the doctor was so booked that the soonest appointment was made for last week. It went well and we are anxious to see what the tests show so that she can hopefully begin to feel like herself again. This is all I will say on the matter at this time, but please keep her in your prayers. It hasn't been an easy summer for her and I just want her to feel better so that she can do the things she should be enjoying!

Any day now I will be welcoming a new baby niece or nephew and the suspense is just killing me! What is it going to be? So far I have 3 nieces! I truly could care less either way and I just pray for a healthy baby for my brother and sister in law. I am excited for them to embark on the journey of parenthood and finally see firsthand what a miracle a child truly is and how very much they can change your life in the blink of an eye. Hopefully I will have good news to post within the week.. although Murphy's Law would state that this child would decide to come on Monday when we are all up in Boston!

I hope everyone is enjoying their week and getting excited for some Fall activities. I cant wait to post some pictures of our favorites! xoxoxo

Winding Down

I know that I am going to regret writing this. I know I am. Come the middle of January when I am pining for the nice summer weather, I am going to curse myself for saying this. Yet, truth be told, I am anxious for the Fall to arrive. Not even so much for some cooler weather, but for all the fun activities that the Fall brings along with it. I think the root of the matter is that we have been so very busy this summer with work, commitments and illnesses that I have found it truly difficult to enjoy the summer with the girls. Yes, there were some really great weekends and a few days mixed in there that we just adored, but this summer as a whole, has been a tough one. The horrible weather started it off in the wrong direction. With only a little over a week left in August, I know "it's over" and another summer has gone down in the memory books. It's depressing to me as I had wished I had more time to enjoy it and more time to make some great memories, so instead of being depressed, I have decided to look forward to the next season. This one, I am going to take by the reigns and soak up every last second of.

What's not to love about Autumn? I love the months of September and October because the weather is just splendidly gorgeous. Not too hot and not too cold. Just comfortable! There's football.. and lord knows I love to entertain and watch the Patriots play on Sundays! There are all the wonderful activities to do with the kids from apple picking to pumpkin picking, festivals and fairs and all the inbetweens. The cooking and baking and the Fall scented candles. I love every inch of the Fall. I truly do. The only dreadful thought I have about September coming is Hannah entering Kindergarten. To be honest, I dont dread it as much as I thought I was going to. I know when the day arrives I am going to be a wretched sobbing mess. Yet at the same time, I am proud that Hannah is as smart as she is. I am blessed that she is well and I do love that she is old enough to really communicate and have fun with. Recently we have been playing Monopoly (Bonopoly per Hannah). It's a Disney version and I really really enjoy playing with her. She does so well with the dice and counting the money. She is learning math and quite honestly has beat me many times more in the game than I have her. It's fun and the interaction is really quite refreshing. I love being able to have this relationship with her. So even though I do pine after her infancy and babyhood (is that a word?) I do love the way things are now. Truly, I do.

I am also excited to watch Layla react to our fun Fall adventures. A year older now, she is soaking everything up like a sponge. She is talking so much more and her facial expressions are a hoot. She has become quite good at reprimanding everyone as well with her first finger shaking at you and her "Stop it!" She loves to dance and still loves to be a cuddle bug. THANK GOODNESS! She adores Hannah and has a tough time when Hannah is not around to keep her entertained. The two of them together can be quite comical. Moreover, Layla is OBSESSED with SHOES! I dont even think writing this can get across how obsessed she really is with them. The second she walks into a room she is scouting out the shoe situation. Especially if you have flip flops or high heels. She prefers high heels, but flip flops will do. If you have them slipped off under your desk.. they are hers. If you take them off at the beach, she's running over and putting them on. Every morning when I open my closet door, she'll hear the noise and come running right over to my heels. She actually prefers if they dont match and she steps right in and clunks away. It is so very funny to watch! This morning while I was making breakfast, she went over to Billy's work boots. Grabbed his tube socks, but them both on and then proceeded to put on his boots. (I really should have taken a picture.. darn!) Her tiny legs in these huge socks and shoes.. I am still chuckling at the image in my head. She has the dearest of manners too! Everything is, PEASE and TANK YOU. If she accidentally bumps into me, SARRY MOMMY. Heck, there are times when I accidentally bump into her and she still says, SARRY MOMMY! LOL! If she hears someone cough or say owe, it's "K?" for are you okay. Our big Layla moment is that she has decided to just potty train herself. Not fully of course, but she is showing much interest in it. I am totally amazed at this as Hannah fought it tooth and nail at age 3. Layla actually started being interested in it at 18 months as she would follow me into the bathroom and take off her diaper and say "Pee". So we would every now and then put her on the big toilet where she would sit for a few and then say, "done!" She never actually went though. So last Friday I picked up a potty for her. She woke up from her nap and really didnt want much to do with it. An hour later I saw her rip off her diaper, sit on it and GO! Seriously!!!!???? She went a dozen more times on it that evening and throughout the weekend as well. I have decided when we are home we'll continue with it and if I can remember to bring the potty to work, we'll continue with it there as well. I am not going to force it as the kid is only 22 months but I dont want to stop her from doing it either. I am just in awe that she is even doing it at such a young age. Sigh... I guess another milestone and another sign that my youngest baby is a growing up. Sniff sniff...

This weekend the grown ups are catching a Sox/Yankees game with the Murphy side. It should prove to be a fun Saturday as most of us are Sox fans but there are a few Yankee fans mixed in there. I am excited to have some quality time with everyone as well. Sunday we are hoping to catch Aimee and the twins for a quick visit and then off to my niece, Addison's first birthday party. The girls are sure to have a blast and I promise to fire up the camera and picture taking as well!

Wishing everyone a great weekend!

Finally a moment to sit and update. It seems as thought things are status quo right now and for that, I am grateful. Most importantly, HANNAH IS HOME! Hannah is home! She spent Tuesday and Wednesday with Grammy and I am thrilled to have her back. You all know how I hate sleepovers. I despise them. Something about the house being so empty without Han. I hate walking into her empty room at night and not seeing her bubbly face staring back at me. I hate the loneliness that occurs when she is not home and to be honest, Layla feels it too. She spends the time saying "Where's Nana? Nana whar are you?" (Nana=Hannah in Layla language) As much as I hate sleepovers, I do know that I have to give a little and not keep the child in my bubble., so I allow it. Plus I know she and Grammy both enjoy the time they spend together. But for the record, I still hate sleepovers! HA!

On another note, we had Layla's followup GI appointment in Boston last Friday. We discussed some of our concerns with her Dr. and he wants to get another scope done. The difficulty we are having is determining whether her issues are food allergy related or if it is a GI issue. If it does turn out to be food allergy, then I think we will be seeking another allergist to do the work up because obviously what we learned before of her allergies isn't all there is. The child still has issues on a daily basis, so if it is food allergies, then we need to figure out what besides, peanut, soy, milk and oats she is allergic too. The other issue we are having is that she is refusing food. Her doctor seems to think that this is a psychological issue because she knows that if she eats, it is going to cause her belly pain and therefore, she doesn't want to eat. We need to retrain her to eat the foods that wont hurt her belly so finding a food therapist/specialist will be in the works as well. She is still on the formula and this is where I believe she is gaining her weight from since feeding her is a daily struggle. Mind you, I don't blame the kid since most of the yummy food is off limits to her. I really need to come up with some good alternatives for her. Maybe there is a book or something I can look into? I can tell you that finding food that doesn't contain milk, or soy or even peanuts these days is a difficult task. Yet, in the scheme of everything, Layla is still sleeping much better so this is a plus!

I truly cant believe that we are on the countdown to Hannah starting kindergarten. I am so not ready for this step. So not ready. She is however, rearing and ready to go! This is such a huge milestone for her and she is ready to take it head on. I am hoping to have her ears squared away by then since she is still having issues hearing in her left ear. I am not even sure what can be done about it, but we have our appointment next week and I am really going to have to get some answers. I have tried in the past, but to no avail. She has the tubes, but that left ear is still an issue. I still swear with my whole being that it has to do with the Hemangioma wrapped around that ear tube on the inside. I wonder if I sit the doctor down scream in his face while flailing my arms above my head if he then would listen? Just a thought. Don't mess with the MOMMY! WE MOMMY's KNOW BEST! HA!

We are heading to the library after work so Hannah can play on her computers while I make puzzles with Layla. Then home to make sun catchers! Perfect craft on this gloomy Thursday! Speaking of crafts.. I really need to get my head together for my Christmas craft! It is just around the corner and I really want to get my presents done and wrapped so December is an enjoyable month!

That's all she wrote for today. I will try and get on to update more as our journey in life continues....

Standing Still in Time

This weekend surmised everything I love about Motherhood. The girls and I were finally able to sit back, relax and enjoy a summer weekend. Something I have been aching to do for quite some time! We headed down to RCB around 5:30 Friday night. The girls were excellent in the car despite the traffic and the fact that they were starving. We got in about 6:30 and opened up the house. We made some dinner and played some games. Then Hannah read us a book and we got in our pj's and snuggled in for the best night's sleep we have all had in a very long time. In all honesty, I woke up in a panic at 2:30 AM thinking something was wrong or that someone had stolen the children. Yet, upon checking in on them, they were both sound asleep and I didnt hear from them until they walked into my room and woke ME up at 7:15AM! THANK YOU OCEAN AIR! It was quite the greeting and I was so excited to spend the day on the beach with the girls. We went for our morning walk to look for seashells, or rocks, as the water at RCB tends to be quite rough and shells dont really make it to the shore. Upon our walk we met an adorable black lab whom we stopped to play ball with. I took a ton of pictures and literally soaked up every single minute of the morning.

After arriving back from our walk we hit the beach to make our sand castles and play with our beach friends. The water was amazingly rough and I couldn't wait to hit the waves which reminded me much of the North Shore Hawaii Surf Competition-The Pipeline. Seriously, the waves were 10 feet tall! My sister in law Leanne and I were able to get in and have a blast until the strength of the water took her down pretty hard. Scary moment, but thankfully she was okay. I even had a minor episode when a wave broke pretty far out and sent me plummeting down on the rocks unable to get up for a few minutes. I remember being a kid and wondering how people got hurt riding waves. I was a water baby.. still am but as I have grown older I have come to appreciate the fact that the ocean water is a force not to be reckoned with. I can now wrap my mind around how strong and forceful it can be an how easily it can truly take lives. I respect it all the same and I know my limitations these days. However, diving into the waves brought back a few moments of my childhood innocence about the water. This as well as Hannah and I doing cartwheels in the sand. Yes, I actually decided that I could step out of my Mommy comfort zone and be a kid again. We put on quite the display of acrobatics and it REALLY felt good to be a kid again. I think I may have shocked Hannah a bit. She had no idea her Mommy still had it in her.. quite frankly, I think I shocked myself!

I really am grateful for the weekend we had. Precious moments spent with my girls and family. It certainly will be one of the most memorable of the summer. Now we are heading up North for a 2 day work break to spend some time at the New Hampshire house. I am one lucky girl and I am glad for the break in work and the time I am able to spend with the family and my precious little miracles!

Overwhelmed

To say the past several weeks have been a blur of craziness would be an understatement. I swear I keep waiting for the calmness to settle in and for summer to begin, when the truth is, summer is already almost over. (I really cant bare to think of Hannah heading to kindergarten in a little over 4 weeks!) Where did these past two months go? Once again I have been caught up in the hustle and bustle of life and have barely had a moment to stop, stand still and breath.

Billy was called to work up in New Hampshire the week before Block Island. He spent that week up there and then sporadically the week of our vacation. (He was able to get to Block Island for a day or so). The week we got back, he then had to head up there to work for weeks at a time. At first I was nervous about it but then I got use to it and although I did miss him, I was able to fall into a schedule. A good one actually. The kids were heading to bed by 7:15 every night.. and falling asleep.. ON THEIR OWN! This was huge and it also allowed me to get everything accomplished. Although Layla still refuses the crib, since Block Island she has been going down in her pack n play every night and will fall asleep without me being in the room. This is HUGE for us and a milestone that has taken nearly 2 years to accomplish. There have even been nights where she has slept the entire night! When she does wake, I can usually get her back down within seconds! Now if I can only get Hannah to stay put in her bed we would be all set. Yet, I am too weak to deny her cuddles in the middle of the night when she is scared or lonely. Plus, having Billy away has certainly done it's number on her. She had a really tough time with it and did not like that he wasnt home to laugh and play with her. Thankfully, as of this week it looks like he wont have to go back up there for a while. In the meantime though, he needs to keep working... all this not working has really done a number on our finances. I know it is a tough time, but something has got to give! Unfortunately during the past 6 weeks or so, Hannah and Layla have been sick with viruses for most of them. I dont get it. Hannah was literally falling asleep at all hours of the day and in the blink of an eye. One second she's up and about talking to you and running around, the next she's on the floor sleeping. Anyone who knows Hannah, knows this is just not her. I was so worried that something bad was going on, however all her blood work came back normal so no Lyme's or Mono. It must have just been a nasty virus. Although, I am still not ruling out an ear issue with her as she keeps getting these low grade temperatures. Layla's diarrhea has come back full throttle and although it is not as many times as it use to be per day. It is still quite a bit. I am trying not to get overly concerned because she is happy most of the time and her sleeping habits have improved. I have an appointment in Boston for her in the next week or two, so we shall see what may come of it.

Last week we were knocked down pretty hard. I was heading over my in laws for dinner since Billy was in NH when my father in law had a heart attack. It was a pretty scary few days, but thankfully he is doing well and fingers crossed he stays that way. He had a stint put in the main artery to his heart and although it was a tough procedure since the plaque had calcified so hard they had to drill through, the blood is flowing smoothly now. Billy was able to get home and see him over the weekend which truly helped. The crazy part is that Grampy is a picture of health. He has never smoked, doesnt drink coffee, and maybe has one beer a year and this still happened. Unfortunately, genetics has played a role as his father passed away from a heart attack at the age of 54. His mother, Gramma Rose also had congestive heart failure and other heart conditions. You can't change your genes however, we are all so grateful that he is alive and well. In the coming weeks he may have to go in for another stint in another artery, but a stress test will show if this is needed or not. Whewww... again, a crazy few days, but the family gathered round and got through it all. It's funny, I never really thought about Billy's parents ever having health issues. I am always so consumed with my parents and health issues. I always looked at his parents as being strong and healthy and therefore not even worrying about it. Mine on the other hand.. oh dear I cant even go there as we are going through a terribly tough time right now that I can even bare to post about it. Nor should I. Let's just say that the last several weeks have left me with many many sleepless nights worrying about what the future may hold for my family. So all in all Grampy's heart attack was a shock on all of us. Yet we are so grateful to the Lord above for keeping him here with us. Especially for his 4 granddaughters who adore him.

I am looking forward to our ONE relaxing weekend this weekend as the rest of August is booked up entirely. We are going to head down the beach and decompress. I am very much looking forward to it and to be quite honest, I TRULY NEED IT. Hopefully it will rejuvenate me for a few more weeks!

Hannah Banana Meatball's Milestone

Well I have survived the turning FIVE! Yes, my 5lb 2 oz little meatball turned 5 yesterday! Thankfully our weekend was a blur of craziness which left me little time to be depressed over the fact that my first born miracle is now 5. However, there were a few moments (mostly in the nighttime insomniac mode) where I began to get choked up while taking a trip down memory lane. What kept me afloat and optimistic is the sure fact that I have my Hannah. I have her. There was a time when uncertainties about her health made us unsure if she was going to make 4 months. Five years later, I HAVE HER! I KNOW that I am BLESSED. I know that I am fortunate. I know that my life has been graced by a miracle that the Lord above sent me.

It is so wonderful to watch Hannah grow into this unbelievable little person. Strong willed, determined, sentimental, emotional, happy go lucky and independent child she is. I never thought she would get my emotional sensitive qualities, but she has. Yet, she is also so strong and determined that I know for sure Hannah is going to do something great in this lifetime. She excels at so much! She wants to be involved in so much!

Wasn't it just yesterday that she crawled for the first time? She was 11 months and we were on Block Island when all of a sudden, she just crawled! She had never attempted it before. Just decided she wanted to get from point A to point B quicker and did it! I was so worried that she wouldnt crawl as a side affect to all the medication she was on..or because some portion of her brain had been damaged, but no, she crawled, right then and there! Less than two months later at 14 months.. she walked. Same thing. She never really attempted to walk. She was far too busy perfecting her crawl when one day she just stood up and walked. Straight across the room. I want to say it was 6 or 7 steps she took. I chuckle when I am thinking about it now because this said then, what we would soon learn about her personality.

Hannah really is a star. She's my star. She is my hero. She brings so much joy to everyone she meets. She keeps us on our toes and she keeps us laughing. She dances through our lives bringing me more joy than I ever could have imagined. She inspires me and can help change my mood in an instant. Lately, I love the new "friend" quality in our relationship. She quickly learned about my love for Michael Jackson as she had to endure my depression over his death. She now loves to dance on our coffee table to thriller! LOL Sometimes I think she is a mini me, but then she also has so many of her Daddy's great qualities as well.

So baby girl is 5 and life is continuing to go on and on quicker than I ever thought imaginable. Yet, I know that these are the good years and I am completely grasping onto every single second of them!

Happy Birthday my dear Hannah! Happy 5th Birthday! xoxoxo