Let the Summer begin!

You have no idea how HAPPY I am to have all three of my kids home with me!  Well, not HOME per say, but with me at work at least!  It is so wonderful to have my Hannah Banana here at the office with me!  I LOVE having her here and it brings back all the memories of the times the two of us once shared here at the headquarters!  Layla is overjoyed to have her big sister to play with and Cameron is enthralled with watching them both. 


These little cherubs have gotten me through these last couple of weeks which have been tough.  I thank God for them every day because I know without them, I wouldn't have survived.  I realize that even through the difficult times in my life, I can look around me and see that God is good.  He has given me these blessings.  I am forever grateful.


Mr. Cameron has taken his first few steps.  He's not quite there yet, but I assume it will be very soon I will be chasing this monkey all about.  He has showed us two more pearly white chompers making it a total of 4 so far.  I cant stress enough how GOOD he is for me.  The smiles, the giggles, the love.  I just could eat him up.  His expressions are priceless!  We have been playing with all of his birthday toys and I can surely say that it is a refreshing change to have Boy's toys in the house!  He still loves when I sing to him and I taught him how to blow kisses yesterday.  God I just love him.  I love every single second with him.


The girls are still growing like weeds.  It's hard for me to believe that Hannah is about to be 7.  SEVEN!  Seriously?  How... how does the time pass so quickly?  We are looking forward to a wonderful summer together.  A fantastic birthday party is planned for her and she is extremely excited.  As am I.  We started her summer workbooks today and I am looking forward to spending more time helping her with her grammar and math.  (Although I am sooo not good at the Math!)  She will be attending Equestrian Camp for a week this summer and I am over the moon with excitement about this.  She is just going to LOVE it.  I wish I could go to camp with her.  I am living vicariously through her!  I am also researching a place to where she can maybe take some art lessons.  She is certainly the budding artist in our house and can keep herself amused for hours drawing.  She is such a talented little girl that I know so many good things will come her way.


Miss Layla has stepped into the TERRIBLE THREE's!  Whewww she has been a bit of a handful lately.  She has amped up the whining and crying and she has become this demanding child.  She wants it and she wants it now!  Whooaaa  hoping that this phase passes quickly because it is so out of character for her.  Aside from these little episodes, she is still the love bug that I have always, and will always, adore.  My cuddle bunny who still loves her Mommy at the end of the day.  Whose Mommy loves her beyond measure.  She has grown so much these past few months.  She is so tall that people sometimes misinterpret her age.  She is still a bean pole with hardly any meat on her, but knock on wood, she has been doing well with her health.  I am praying to the Lord to give us the next 24 hours of health so that the girls can attend their dance recital germ free!  PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!  So much looking forward to tomorrow since it is also Layla's first recital. 


I have made some difficult decisions in the past several weeks in order to find ways to simplify my life.  There has been a lot of stress on me lately and I am trying to find ways to make life a bit easier so that we may sit back and enjoy the memories more.  This has not been an easy decision for me.  I am the type of person who "thinks" she can do it all and do it with a smile on her face while saying everything is great.  Truth be told, I can't do it all and I have finally come to this realization.  With Billy working 12 hour days, I am left to care for the house and the children.  Moreover the bazillion other responsibilities that I have.  I can't do it all and I have had a tough time admitting that.  So I am learning to say, "No" a bit more often and decluttering our schedule so that it is not so hectic.  I am not taking everything away as I feel as though it is important for the girls to stay active in one hobby this summer so I have signed them up to dance.  Both on the same day.  I have shelved photography at the moment as well.  This was a tough decision but I know that it is only for the time being.  My family needs me and I need them.  I will go back to it, soon.  This is not to say that if someone wanted a sitting that I wouldn't do it if I could find the time.  I am just not actively looking for business at the moment.  My plate is full.  I am learning to accept this a little more each day. 


Looking forward to some lazy beach days along the way.  Cheers to the beginning of summer!!!


"WHEN WE ARE NO LONGER ABLE TO CHANGE A SITUATION, WE ARE CHALLENGED TO CHANGE OURSELVES."

Cameron John's First Year

Happy 1st Birthday Chubba Luv!

I will admit, I woke up on the grumpy side.  I didn't intend to and it's as if it just snuck up on me.  To be quite honest, I went to bed with that grumpy feeling.  Knowing that at 3:54AM, a whole year would have passed since the day we first met.  I'm going to snap out of it in just a bit, but it is just so hard for me to wrap my mind around the fact that one whole year has passed.  I swear it was just yesterday...I was going through all the motions of giving birth, excited out of my mind.  I swear it was just yesterday that the two of us cuddled in the hospital bed and I sang you your first song.  It's breaking my heart to know that your entire infancy is over.  I've cried at least a dozen times today realizing this fact. 

I know I am being so very silly, so here is the part where I snap out of it.  I am so happy you have come into my life.  You have changed me in so many ways.  I cant wait to experience many more memories with you!!!  To be a mother to a son is such an honor and a privilege and a totally new experience for me.  I love this journey that we are on together.   I love everything about you, but most of all, I love your great big smile.  So today, 365 days after you came into this world and changed me forever, I wish you a Happy First Birthday Cameron!  I LOVE YOU CHUBBA LUV!
xoxoxo

2 More Days

Mr. Cameron,  I cant even believe that in 2 days, you will be ONE YEAR OLD!  My little darling man... how exactly has this time gone by so quickly?  Wasn't it just yesterday I was in all my glory about finding out you were a boy?  Wasn't it just yesterday I held you in my arms for the first time and wouldn't tell the family if you were a boy or a girl until they came to see you?  Wasn't it just yesterday we had you in the swing down the beach and you would sleep the days away?  Wasn't it just yesterday you and I would cuddle ourselves to sleep at night when you were just a few weeks old?  Awww Man how did this time just zip on by?  As much as I miss it, I do look forward to the many more memories we have yet to make with you.  You are such a love and I cant wait to see your face on your birthday and at your party.  I cant wait for you to flash me that two tooth grin that lights up your whole face.  I love you my little man and I am SO happy that you are finally coming back to me after being so sick with that yucky virus and 105.5 fever.  We've had quite the week, but now you on on the mend and I got my little darling boy back.  Thank You Lord, for giving me this gorgeous little miracle of a gift!

Miss Hannah, ohhhhh we've had it tough the past couple of days haven't we?  I hate when we have these tough days.  Yet at the same time, when it's over, I recognize the love you have for me all the more.  After it's all said and done you want to be near me and talk to me and I recognize this as your way of being sorry.   It's always so hard to be tough on you and discipline you because I am afraid you will think I don't love you.  When in fact, I discipline you because I do love you my banana.  I love you to the moon and the stars and back.  We're going to work on this whole "math" thing.  We will get you to understand it.  Grammy's going to come and work with you too!  I promise it will get easier.  You just have to promise me to work on your attitude and your fits.  I've got to get you to understand that you cant get so angry and flip out the way you do.  It only makes matters worse.  You are so much like your Daddy though, it does make me smile.  I love you my girl.  I hope you got many compliments on the shirt Mommy made you for Favorite Sport's Team day at school today!!!

Miss Layla.. OH MISS LAYLA!  You have been such a booger as well that I am beginning to think there is a full moon.. even though I know there isn't.  You are testing your Mama aren't you?  Pushing the limits?  Copying your sister's behavior a little?  It's okay.  It's all normal three year old behavior and I can take it.  I'm just not use to you being so disagreeable.  You were always happy just being in my arms but now I see this whole new sense of independence in you.  I guess this is your way of showing my that you too, are growing up.  Why is it soo hard for me to see you this way?  I want you to stay in my arms forever and ever!  The other night you told me you had a secret to tell me.  You told me that you were marrying Joseph.  When I asked you who would come to you in the middle of the night when you were scared you replied, "I'll just go in he's bed."  Then I asked you who would take you to the bathroom in the middle of the night and you said that Ana would.  You told me that you were marrying Joseph and that was it..  That was the deal.  You would wear your princess dress and your crown, but not to worry, you still loved me.  LOL  God I love you my princess.  As tough as you have been lately, there are still so many moments throughout the day when you give me the comic relief that I so much need! 

Until next time...

I love you my babies!!!!
xo
Mommy

Weekend Away

We headed on out to Long Island for the Holiday weekend and had ourselves a wonderful time.  It was a break that I very much needed.  Unfortunately, the night before we were to leave, Billy got called in to work the entire weekend.  He needs to take any work time he can get being that his job is so unpredictable with this economy.  I was completely bummed, as was he.  I had reservations about doing the drive and being away with all three kids by myself, but I am not the type to just forgo a fun weekend so off we went.  We left Saturday morning instead of Friday evening because I was a little worried about the drive alone with the kids in the dark.  Thankfully, it went quite smoothly.  Of course, there are always some minor bumps along the way... the DVD players busted before we even got out of town and I ended up waiting for Target to open so that I could purchase some new ones.  I'm adventurous, but not stupid!  I needed those babies to keep the ride smooth for the kids!  We made it to Long Island without hitting traffic and the kids did great in the car. 


We love spending this time with Auntie Jill and Uncle Dave and are always so happy to enjoy our time with them on Long Island.  I have always loved this area since it was a place I use to frequent while I was at Hofstra.  We attended Uncle Hungie and Jill's Memorial Day festivities out east in Islip at Dave's parent's house.  This home is breathtakingly beautiful!  I love to go visit the Hungerfords and just take in the beauty of their home.  It sits right on the canal, only a few houses down from the opening of the shore.  Their backyard is beautifully decorated with gorgeous flowers and plants.  Their patio heads out back to a dock with their family boat.  This is not to say that I wasn't a neurotic mess trying to keep the kids away from the water.  Being that they are water babies like their mama, this was quite the feat.  Even when Mr. Hungerford took out the life vests for them, I was still completely stressed out.  Life vests only meant that they could take more risks.  I found Hannah trying to sit on the post of the dock hanging out over the water.  Let's just say that I was a bundle of nerves over this   Thankfully once nightfall hit, they seemed to have finally listened to my frantic "Stay off the dock" yells.  I don't think I would normally have been so nervous if Billy was with us because he would have been an extra set of hands to help me keep track of them.  (But then again, knowing me, it wouldn't have made the darndest difference!)  Needless to say once the night hit, the girls took much joy in the sparklers Auntie Jill had bought for them.  They truly had a wonderful time and really enjoyed the new friends they met.  I completely enjoyed myself mingling amongst the guests.  I knew hardly a soul there and yet everyone was so very nice and easy to make conversation with.  I felt perfectly at home amongst these friends.  I was even able to sit down and chat with Billy's cousin Jessica whom I have met, but have never had the pleasure of actually sitting down and speaking with.  What an adorable soul she is!  We bonded for hours chatting it up.  She moved out to NYC a few years ago and I loved hearing of her adventures since it was, once upon a time, something I had always wanted to do.  I have always been a girl completely fascinated with Manhattan and I loved hearing about her adventures there.  The evening was the comfortable break I most definitely needed.


We spent the rest of the weekend enjoying fun filled activities such as Mini Golf.  Did I mention how much my kids love the water?  As we grown ups were trying to perfect our game in the blazing sun, you could find Hannah and Layla trolloping about in any little pool of water they could find.  Under the windmill, by the gingerbread house, literally standing in knee or ankle deep water.  It was quite funny and I have to say, I let them do it just so they could get a littler refreshed from the hot sun that was blaring down at us.  It was quite comical to see myself, Dave and Jill sweating our buns off playing Mini Golf and taking it so seriously while the kids really could have cared less, just as long as they could touch water1 LOL


Jill and Dave are two of the kindest people I have ever met.  They are always doing and giving and loving to make memories with us.  They adore the kids even though we pretty much took up full range of their home.  Their generosity is unmeasurable.   I can tell you that 99% of my children's wardrobes come from them and Jill's love to shop for them.  I don't think there has even been a time when she hasn't handed them a bag full of clothes, or a treat.  My favorite part of my time with them was Sunday night when we sat out on their patio with drinks in hand just talking about life.  It was a memory that I think I will keep with me for a long time to come.  Doing nothing but bonding and talking and laughing.  These are the moments that I treasure most.  There is nothing like Family and I surely love the fact that they are part of mine.  If I could only find a way to give back to them a quarter of what they have given us. 


Monday morning we decided to treat to girls to a manicure pedicure.  It was completely hysterical to watch Layla's expressions.  She was so into it and so adorable to watch.  Hannah was thrilled as well and let me tell you, Mama was so relaxed and happy to get a little pampering for herself.  After our girl time, we headed back home to pack up the car and drive to my best friend Denise's house.  Denise and I met eighteen years ago.  EIGHTEEN!  Holy cow!  We met at Hofstra orientation and literally became instant friends.  We have always said that we had to have been sisters in another lifetime.  Her friendship is one that I so treasure and although miles away, she has been with me during the best of times and the worst of times.  Her friendship is so easy.  It's just meant to be.  There is no cattiness.  There is no jealousy.  There are never any cruel remarks.  There is just two friends, so much alike, raising their families.   I wish to God that we lived closer because I cant imagine how much better life would be with her by my side.  The time spent with her is never enough for me and I am so grateful to get these blurbs of time with her.  Her husband Chris also went to Hofstra and was part of my friendship circle there.  Their courtship was that of a fairytale and it is so surreal to see them eighteen years later still connecting and goofing on each other the way they always did.  It seems like just yesterday Denise and I were peering out our dorm tower window watching Chris as he walked back to his dorm... although I do believe his name back then was, "Cute Boy".  LOL 


The kids had a BLAST playing with her three children who are close in age to mine.  They get along SO well and I love to watch their comradery.  I can't believe that Skylar is about to be eight.  I have pictures of her laying on my belly as a newborn the first time I took Billy down to meet Denise.  Who knew that almost twenty years later, we both would be married with three children.  Two girls and a boy for both of us.  So many similarities between us that I hope when this life is over, I get to live my next one with her in it as well.  We stayed for dinner and then got the kids in their jammies before heading back home.  There were tears to be had from the girls as they didn't want to leave their NY friends.  We also said goodbye to Denise's house as it has been sold and she is moving to a different town.  I am so excited for her because I know that this will be her forever house and I am so excited to visit this new palace.  One of my FAVORITE things about her homes is that the second I step through the front door, there is that air of comfy coziness.  There is that warm feeling of a family living there.  From the pictures that hang on the walls of the kids growing, to the toys laying about, it just feels like home.  It's the feeling that I use to fantasize about when I was a young girl visualizing of what my family would be like.  The laughter of children, the playing, the excitement, the witnessing milestones and the carefree way about it.  I always get that when I am there.  I was surely sad to leave but I am so excited for another visit in the near future.  I also left with my car weighted down with my favorite hand me downs for Layla and Cameron.  My girl Denise is this crazy shopper who can find the most adorable clothing and never pays full price.  From Crew Cuts to Babystyle... it is all so adorable!  Layla and I had a blast going through everything this morning and she is already on her 3rd outfit out of the bin.  Even Mr. Cam was adorned in this adorable button down shirt today.  LOVE ME MY DENISE hand me downs! 


The next couple of days I will be a busy bee preparing for baby Cam's First Birthday.  I can't wait for the party and I am thinking he may be walking for it as well.  That boy is all over the place!  He likes to pull himself up on my pants and take strides with me while I walk.  He is so darn funny.  That face of his is just so chubby and yummy I could eat him!  My baby boy... turning one.. in less than two weeks... sigh... if only I could keep him this little forever!

"You're just like a dream Cameron. You're just a dream."

My darling little Chubba Luv,

I just walked into my office as Layla was saying, "You're just a dream Cameron, You're just a dream."  She said this as she snuggled you in the pack n play.  What better way to start your letter than with this sentence.  You are a dream to me Cameron.  I still pinch myself because I can't believe that I am a mother of a beautiful baby boy.


I found out I was pregnant with you Columbus Day Weekend, 2009.  We had just gotten home from New Hampshire and boom... I realized I was pregnant.  Daddy was a bit nervous because the truth of the matter is, when is he not nervous?  I, was not.  I wanted you so badly.  I was so excited to be pregnant for a third time.  The only nerves I had were as they pertained to your health.  I was so scared that something would be wrong with you for some reason.  As with your sisters, I was sick as a dog for you too.  I peed on the stick one day and then began vomiting the next.  Literally.  It was different with you though.  More of a constant nausea all day long and then at dinner time I would vomit.  I found that if I ate little snacks throughout the day, I could get through the nausea.  But come dinner time, like clockwork, I would get sick.  Then again while I would read the girls their bedtime story.  This lasted through my entire pregnancy that it became routine.  I'd be in mid sentence and Hannah would say, "Go ahead Mom, go puke."  I would and then come back to finish the book for her.


From day one, I had a hunch you would be a boy.  Just a feeling.  I wasn't positive, but it was my guess.  I hate the fact that I am going to admit this next statement to you but to be honest, I was completely scared out of my mind to have a boy.  How was I to take care of a boy?  I had no idea.  What a silly way to feel, now that I have had you in my arms for almost a year.  I didn't tell anyone about you until I was 12 weeks along.  12 weeks!  That was huge for me!  Not even Auntie Ju Ju knew!  I was so afraid of losing you that I wanted to make sure before I told everyone.  Grammy and Grampy were ecstatic!  We told them on Grammy's Birthday and I presented her with a wall frame about being grandparents.  I had pictures of your sister in it and then a picture of you from my ultrasound.  We told Nonnie and Papa on their anniversary.  We had the whole night planned with dinner and music and all the details were just so, but then our kitchen ceiling collapsed and a water pipe burst.  We moved the party over to Julie's and she caught wind of my disappointment about not being able to tell Nonnie and Papa the way I had planned.  So technically she did know first, but just by an  hour or so! LOL  In the end, it didn't really matter, because they were so thrilled! 


I continued on carrying you in my belly and loving every minute of it.  I truly did.  You were so very much more active than the girls were in my belly.  I felt you all the time and your movements were so strong.  You'd take my whole body with you at times when you were flipping about.  You were the first baby of ours that we didn't find out the sex for.  I had a million ultrasounds and it was a tease each time.  We stayed strong and turned our heads.  Towards Spring I began to get restless again.  Once I hit that 38 week mark my head goes all crazy.  This time though, I began to get uncomfortable.  Constant contractions that would never stay.  I would get them 5 minutes apart for hours and then they would stop.  I had them so often that I began to go out of my mind.  The week of your due date (June 13th) was when everything really changed.  I began to get these gut wrenching pains that I could barely breath through.  They were so sharp and painful.  It was a Wednesday night when I had gone upstairs to put laundry away and I just fell to the floor in the girl's room because I couldn't take the pain.  I think I closed my eyes for a bit because Daddy found me lying there.  Papa called and told me he was on his way over and that I needed to go to the ER.  I tried to protest, but he wouldn't hear of it.  We left at about 8:00PM.  I knew from my doctor's appointment that day that I was already dilated 4cm's.  They checked and I was still 4 cm's but I was contracting every 3 minutes.  While I was at the hospital, the pain began to get worse.  I told your Daddy that I wasn't leaving without giving birth to you.  At one point the doctor told me she was going to send me home with some Ambien and to come back when I was dilated more.  I went nuts!  How on earth would I know when I was dilated more?  I was 4cm's and contracting every 3 minutes, was she serious?  I was that patient.. yes I was.. that said, I will not leave this hospital until I have this baby!  Thankfully, she pulled some strings and got me upstairs into a room.


Once I got there, I knew how it would go.  I was so excited tom meet you!  I got the epi right away.  I dilated full right away.  Daddy and I went over names and the nurse tried to help us.  We were helpless with boy's names.  Our girl's name was Charlotte.  I rested, Daddy slept and then I knew it was time.  A few quick pushes later, out you came.  The doctor yelled, "It's a boy!"  They all had bets that you were a girl.  I think I was shocked at first that I was right about you being a boy.  Then they put you in my arms and for sure, you were a boy.  Daddy and I were smitten from the first moment we held you.  You were gorgeous.. Our first little beautiful baby boy, born at 3:54AM on Thursday June 10th.  Weighing 8lbs 1 oz. 


Yet, we had no name for you little man!  Well, that's not entirely true.  I wanted you to be Crosby.  Everyone hated it except for Auntie Ju Ju.  I still love that name though.  Daddy wanted you to be Tyler.  I couldnt do it.  It just didnt fit our family.  While holding you and admiring you, Daddy said, "Cameron."  Now that fit.  Cameron, Cam for short, fit right into our family.  It also had it's ties to hockey.  Daddy wasn't backing down so Cameron John was your name little guy!  (John after Grampy).  That day was so perfect.  I had a few hours with you to love on you while Daddy went home to shower and get the girls.  They came back with Nonnie & Papa and Grammy in tow.  The girls came in first and Hannah went bazurk over you being a boy!  She melted my heart with her excitement over you.  She called you "CJ" from day one.  Layla too, was smitten.  Excited to the max.  They were like two little doting mothers, holding you and loving on you.  Hannah was so excited that she demanded to go to school so that she could tell her entire Kindergarten class.  (Who in return, made you a heap of congratulations cards!  It was the sweetest sentiment and I cried when Hannah came back to the hospital holding them.)  Nonnie, Papa were thrilled to meet their newest grandson and Grammy was to the MOON with excitement over the fact that she now had a grandson after 4 granddaughters.  She called Grampy right away and told him the good news. I think I kept looking at you and shaking my head in disbelief that I now would be a mother to a baby boy.  I was beyond thrilled to be able to hold you in my arms and cuddle you to sleep that first night.  YOU my baby boy, made us a family of five and I couldn't be happier!

You came home and filled our house with so much more love than we could have ever imagined.  You were an easy baby from day one and as long as I kept you fed, you were happy.  You loved to nurse but you were always such a "Feekanozz" (not sure of the spelling on that one but it is an Italian word meaning always interested in what's going on around you.)  I would nurse you, you'd stop look around for a bit and then go back to nursing.  Just making sure you weren't missing out on anything!   From the get go you were out and about with me, going to the girls dance recitals, picking Hannah up from school, trekking to dance classes, hockey, CCD, work and the bazillion other things that I do.  You were so easy going that you never really minded.  YOU ARE MY SLEEPER!  Wait.. I'm just going to repeat that.  YOU ARE MY SLEEPER!  LOL  You take two naps a day and you go down at night IN YOUR CRIB by 7:ooPM or so because you LOVE to SLEEP!  Once you are down, that's it.  You're down and you sleep til about 6:00am or so.  You most certainly win the award for the best sleeper in the house baby boy! 

You are such a sweet, loving, HEALTHY baby and I think I got real extra lucky because like your sister, you are a cuddle bug too!  Your big, brown eyes captivate me.  You are very laid back and you usually just go with the flow.... "third baby syndrome!"  You are a Mama's boy to the core!  At almost a year old, you have now started freaking out if I even walk out of the room.  You are most comfortable in my arms, letting me carry you from place to place and you know me, I love every second of it.  I have seen a real big difference in the way the girls were and the way you were with milestones.  You, from day one, were so much more mobile and alert.  You rolled over at a month old and began to crawl at 7 months.  You get annoyed with your knees hitting the floor so you like to monster crawl so your knees don't hurt.  We are three weeks before your 1st Birthday and you are about to take your first step.  You zoom from place to place and you are into EVERYTHING! LOL  You climb, you explore, you investigate and you love the vacuum cleaner.  If I take it out, you go nuts!  You usually end up chasing me all over the place trying to keep up with the vacuum as I clean.  It is hysterical!  Clean I must, because boy you are the messiest eater of the three as well.  Not in the mood for something?  Boom off the highchair tray it goes!  I have to vacuum after your every meal.   You hate bibs and rip them off within seconds.  You are my BEST eater though and you will eat anything and everything under the sun.  (Except peanut butter.... we're not going near that til you're 30, okay?)  You LOVE your fruit!  Strawberries, blueberries and your favorite are bananas.  I cut one in half and your eyes light up because you know it is yours.  Your love of food has made me dub you "Chubba Luv" and this nickname fits you perfectly.  You have this big round sweet face with only two little baby teeth on the bottom.  You have the most infectious smile and an adorable belly laugh.  You love it when I sing to you, which I must do every time I change you because the one thing you truly hate, is being changed.  You kick, you scream and you wiggle loose every time we try.  Yet, if I sing.. You'll turn over, look in my eyes and flash me a one of a kind smile.  You are a darling, a blessing and you are my boy.   You are your sisters' toy.  Their doll.  Their baby.  They love to take care of you and you have a very special bond with each of them.  Most mornings, I find Hannah in your crib playing with you and making you laugh.  Layla wakes up and the first words out of her mouth are, "Where's Cameron?"  They adore you and you them.  What more could a mother ask for?  Nothing.  I am perfectly content and smitten with my family of five. 

As we approach your 1st Birthday, I am sad that my baby boy's first year has flown by so very quickly, but I am so very much looking forward to all the wonderful things the future holds for you.  We have so many memories yet to make and I look forward to seeing your little personality develop even more.  Thank you my Chubba Luv, for completing our family.  Thank you for brightening my days and thank you, for choosing me to be your Mommy.  I love you with all my heart!

Our favorite song:

Baby Face

Marissa Jaret Winokur & the Canine Jazz Band

(BEST VERSION EVER!)

Baby Face, You've got the cutest little... baby face

There's not another one could take your place, Baby Face

My poor heart is jumping, you sure have started something.

Baby Face, I'm up in heaven when I'm in your fond embrace

I didnt need a shove, Cause I just fell in love with your pretty baby,

with your pretty Baby Face...

Baby Face, I'm up in heaven when I'm in your fond embrace,

I didn't need a shove, I just fell in love, with your pretty baby face.

Baby Face, you've got the cutest little, baby face

There's not another who one who'd take your place, Baby Face

My poor heart is jumping, you sure have started something

Baby Face, I'm up in heaven when I'm in your fond embrace

I didn't need a shove, Cause I just fell in love with your pretty baby,

With your pretty baby face...

Baby Face, I'm up in heaven when I'm in your fond embrace

I didn't need a shove, Cause I just, fell in love

With your pretty baby face....



Dear Layla Grayce

If ever a name fit a little girl, it would be yours. Layla Grayce Viola. It's so fitting on so many different levels. When I found out I was pregnant a second time, I was estactic. A chance to hold another little baby in my arms made me deliriously happy. I felt like the luckiest person in the world. I felt great the first six weeks of your pregnancy. I even remember running on the treadmill. (The thing that Daddy likes to call a clothes hanger). When week seven came, it hit me like a ton of bricks. I was SO sick. The difference this time was that it was more of a violently nonstop vomiting. I would sleep on the bathroom floor and I even remember being so exhausted that I would come home from work, feed Hannah cereal for dinner and put her to bed at 5:30 so I could go pass out. Daddy was working nights at the Westin during my pregnancy for you so at night, I was on my own. I remember that all my stomach could handle then were Cheez-Its. I remember getting so sick that at one point I ended up in the ER dehydrated and they had to give me IV fluid. Thankfully this was all short lived and by week fourteen I began to feel great. By week fifteen I felt better than ever! I'll never forget it! I was energized and glowing. This was when I began to think of names for you. I secretly wanted another little girl to adore and I was determined to find some Shabby Chic crib bedding. One day I came across a website named, Layla Grayce which had the most beautiful crib bedding. That was it! I was in love. I loved the bedding and I loved the name. I had mentioned the name to Papa and he was wild with excitement over it because Laila Ali was currently on Dancing With the Stars and she was his favorite. From there in out he called you Layla and was not open to any other names.  Even though at this point we didn't know you'd be a girl.


Then came ultrasound day and clear as day before the Tech even said anything I could see you were a girl.   I yelled out, "Oh my God it's a girl!"  The tech laughed at me.  You have no idea how excited I was! Hannah was with me and she was wearing her "Big Sister" shirt. We jumped up and down in the parking lot after the appointment. So Layla you were to be, even though Daddy wouldn't agree on your name until a week before you were to be born. Yes, I named you after a website but girl you had the prettiest bedding a little lady could ask for. We'll get back to that bedding in a bit.


Right around this time was when my Mama began to get sick. Mama was such a huge part of my life that seeing her this way was tough. Mama was everything a grandmother should be and more. She was loving and doting and funny and you never left her house without an extremely full belly. She wouldn't hear of it. Her favorite color was purple and she always had adored butterflies. I wanted so badly for her to meet you but sadly she passed away on July 13th 2007. An hour after Hannah's third Birthday. This was the last gift she gave to me, making sure that she didn't leave us on your sister's birthday. This was when I knew your middle name would be "Viola".


Time came and went quickly.  I felt great all summer long.  As week thirty-four came and went I began to get restless.  Nonnie and Papa were leaving for Italy and I was so afraid of them being gone for your birth.  I began to wish for you to come early.  I had in the back of my mind everyone telling me that your second comes even quicker than the first.  It was all a head game because you were staying put.  I fretted for two weeks while Nonnie and Papa were gone that you were going to come.  You didn't.  Your due date of September 30th came and went and Nonnie and Papa returned from their trip and you still were perfectly content to stay warm and cozy inside my belly.  This of course was foreshadowing the fact that you to this day, still love to be curled up in my arms warm and cozy.  As forty-one weeks hit I was done.  Miserable to be exact.  I had several inductions scheduled and twice I got bumped.  Finally, it was time and Daddy and I drove to the hospital at 5:00AM.  We sat for a bit before being put in the room.  They started the Pitocin and right away the contractions began.  I tried to breath through them and walk the floors.  I even used the yoga ball but unfortunately my body wouldn't dilate.  Five hours into it, I knew I wasn't going to get anywhere so I asked for the epidural.  Within 30 minutes, I dilated fully.  The doctor was still nervous because you hadn't dropped.  She made me push and then knew, you were going to come soon.  (All those sit ups helped!)  She cancelled her C-Section with another Mommy and your entrance into this world began.  Just like your sister you were out in 6 or 7 pushes.  You would have been out sooner if it hadn't have been for that big ol' noggin of yours!  They suctioned you and I heard the beautiful cry, just as I had with your sister.  Daddy inspected you from head to toe to make sure you were healthy.  I knew you would be healthy all along but he needed to be reassured.  Then I held you in my arms for the first time.  My beautiful, 8lb 7 oz Layla Grayce Viola.  You were perfect.  Hannah came right in to meet you and hold you.  She adored you from the moment she laid eyes on you.  Grammy, Nonnie, Papa and Julie were there as well.  Here I was, the mother of two beautiful baby girls.  Life could not have been better.

You were such an easy baby.  Although I think that I was jaded from what we went through with Hannah.  You were always smiling, laughing and content.  You fit perfectly into our family.  I remember so many nights curling up with you on the sofa and cuddling you to sleep.  You did end up with a horrific case of baby acne which foreshadowed what was to come with your allergies.  Turned out that that baby acne was eczema and it ended up getting infected.  Steroid cream took care of it and through it all you kept on smiling.  I took you to work with me and you would sit in the car seat on my desk and just watch me do my work.  You hardly made a peep and you soon learned to love your feet.  You were so flexible that we often found you eating your feet.  The summer after you were born, I remember you being thrilled to just sit and eat your feet.  You took two good naps a day, but when it came time to sleep at night, you wouldn't have it.  Here's where the crib part comes in.  You hated your crib.  That beautiful crib with the most gorgeous bedding, you never used.  We tried and tried and tried to get you to sleep in that crib and you wouldn't budge.  We use to blare The Commodores and the sound of Lionel Richie's voice would calm you, but only for a bit and then you would scream.  One night we left you there screaming for well over an hour when finally I said that I couldn't do it.  I scooped you up, put you in my arms and together we fell asleep.  Of course many comments came my way because of this, but I didn't care.  Whatever made you happy.  I had seen how quickly three years had flown by with Hannah and if you were happy in my arms, then in my arms you would be.  Needless to say, cousin Stella is now enjoying that beautiful crib bedding!  Your room was purple with green accents and I loved it.  It fit you perfectly.  You were my purple girl.  I always felt you had a connection to Mama and to this day, you still love purple and you love butterflies. 

At about eight months old I began to give you formula, although you preferred to nurse.  It was around this time that you began to get a bit fussy and you were having trouble sleeping.  By a year old you were having chronic diarrhea.  It was awful.  You would get it so bad that you would get a horrible diaper rash.  It would be so bad that you would actually bleed.  I knew enough from experience to fight to get some answers.  You were in and out of Hasbro and Boston Childrens.  You underwent a battery of tests including colonoscopies and endoscopies, but nothing was conclusive.  You were put on a special formula that costs $50 a can.  You are still on this formula at the age of three.  It turns out you have an allergy to the protein in milk.  You can have some dairy products, but other's really bother you.  This was also the time we found out you were allergic to peanuts.  We had a kids Halloween party here for a bunch of your friends and it turns out that you got a hold of some peanut butter.  We don't even think you ingested it and within minutes you broke out in hives all over your face and arms.  Your lips ballooned and swelled.  I looked over at you and I lost it.  I panicked.  I did not do well under this situation.  I stripped you down and took you outside in the cool air while I called the doctor.  It was mass chaos.  Auntie Jill ran to get you some Benadryl and we dosed you up for the next two days.  I didn't sleep and I kept my eye on you at all times.  It was so scary!  After this incident we found out you were allergic to more than just peanut and milk.  It was also soy, oats, cat and tree nuts as well.  It can be a neurotic feat to try and figure out what you can eat and as you have gotten older, it breaks my heart to deny you food that you want so badly.  You had lost so much weight that it tore Daddy and I apart to look at your tiny little body.  You were skin and bones.  Over the course of the next year with the help of the formula, you did manage to gain some weight.  Yet to this day, you are a tiny bit of a thing.  Tall for sure, but still so darn tiny!  My biggest baby at birth, but the tiniest one now!

I worry about your health a lot.  You are my child that seems to get everything.  When you get it, it seems as though you get it to the max.  You have no immune system.  You are constantly sick and I hate watching you suffer through.  You have also been diagnosed with asthma and there are many nights we spend trying to help you breath.  You have gotten use to your inhalers, but you still wont go near the nebulizer.  We have our habit of doing "This Little Piggy" while we do your inhalers and this seems to calm you.  You constantly have these crazy rashes.  You often get Petechaie as well and that scares me to no end.  You have had several trips to the ER with crazy viruses that wont end.  You constantly get fevers with no other symptoms.  Did I mention how much I worry about you?  I just pray that the Lord watches over you and keeps you healthy.  I am so afraid that your little body won't be able to fight off any serious infection.  I am hoping that as you enter preschool in the fall, your immune system will sustain so that you can enjoy this coming year.  You are so excited about school.  This is going to be tough on Mommy, but I know how excited you are, so I will be strong.

Through it all you have remained my little cuddle bug.  At three years of age you still say, "Mommy, hold you" instead of "hold me."  This is one of my favorite things that you say.  You love to caress my face and play with my hair.  You are my princess.  My girly girl to the core.  You love to dress up and it is very rare for one to see you without a dress or too-too on.  From the time you were a baby I always use to put the foo foo headbands on you and you never took them off.  Now Sarah makes you the big flower headbands and hats and they have become your trademark.  You turn heads wherever you go.  Your presence alone makes people happy.  You are also my photogenic one and are often so agreeable to let me photograph you.  You have the most gorgeous BIG brown eyes that you captivate people.  As you have gotten older you have developed a remarkable sense of humor and often you have Hannah and I rolling in laughter.  The things you come out with are undoubtedly hysterical.  The way you put words together is just hilarious.  Daddy's favorite is "poop dog" instead of "dog poop".  He goes around the house saying it a million times a day.  One of the things I often make the mistake of saying is "Okay my little peanut?"  "Oh no," you say, "I cant have peanuts Mommy... I'm Layla cakes, okay."  You are also the disciplinarian in the house and you are constantly making sure everyone is doing and saying the right thing.  When I do have to punish you, you are always sorry right away and you have no fear in telling me so.  There are so many cute things that you say that brighten my day it would be impossible to list them all.  You are a Mommy's girl for sure and I love every minute of it.  You still like to cuddle with me in bed and although you and Hannah fall asleep together at night, I often get those visits from you in my bed.  Just being in the bed with us is not enough.  You usually have to be right on top of us or curled into the crook of our backs.  You still love that cozy, warm feeling and I love this bond we have together.  You still don't sleep well at night.  I sometimes think it is all the asthma meds that contribute to this.  Yet, I don't really mind because it's at night when I get my Layla time.  The funny thing is that you are a night owl like Mommy.  Yet you hate the mornings.  You hate to get out of bed and take your jammies off.  You prefer to sleep late and stay cozy.  It takes you a bit to wake up and be happy.  I can almost guarantee that you will be a hard core coffee drinker like Mommy!  I hate the mornings too baby girl!  What I wouldn't do to stay cozy in bed surrounded by my three babies!

You have become quite the dancer as well.  Although many times you seem to lose focus and cause a bit of disturbance in class.  When you do pay attention you are ever so graceful and poised.  You are quite dramatic too!  Every move is exaggerated and expressed to the hilt.  I am so looking forward to witnessing your first dance recital next month because I am sure it will be the most adorable event to watch.  I can't wait to see that adorable costume on you!

You adore Hannah and want to be just like her.  Recently, I have watched your relationship flourish.  Although you wear the pants and usually get what you want from her, I see the two of you bonding much the same as Auntie Ju-Ju and I did.  Hannah loves your company and vice versa.  It warms my heart to know that you will have Hannah to walk through life with.  Auntie Ju-Ju and I are the best of friends and I am so glad that you will have this relationship as well.  You also have become a little mother to baby Cameron.  At times you tend to be too rough with him and you have this thing with squeezing his ears, but it is quite apparent how much you love him.  He loves to be around you.  I have a video of you two from a few weeks ago.  You had jumped in his pack n play and began playing with him.  Something you often like to do while we are at work.  You didn't know I was listening but the words you used with him and the way you took care of him melted my heart.  You are such a love bug! 

Like Hannah and Cameron, I could go on and on about the enormous amount of love I have for you.  Sometimes I get overwhelmed by it and my heart could burst.  I am so grateful that you are my cuddle bug because these moments with you are what makes me just adore parenthood.  You bring Daddy and I so much joy you could never imagine.  My Layla cakes.  My little ravioli.  My Layla Grayce Viola... I love you!  From my head to my toes, I love you baby girl! xoxo

Our Song:

Layla

Eric Clapton

(But of course!)

What'll you do when you get lonely

And nobody's waiting by your side?

You've been running and hiding much too long.

You know it's just your foolish pride.

Layla, you've got me on my knees.

Layla, I'm begging, darling please.

Layla, darling won't you ease my worried mind.

I tried to give you consolation

When your old man had let you down.

Like a fool, I fell in love with you,

Turned my whole world upside down.

Layla, you've got me on my knees.

Layla, I'm begging, darling please.

Layla, darling won't you ease my worried mind

Let's make the best of the situation

Before I finally go insane.

Please don't say we'll never find a way

And tell me all my love's in vain.

Layla, you've got me on my knees.

Layla, I'm begging, darling please.

Layla, darling won't you ease my worried mind



Dear Hannah, Refelctions of 6 and three quarter years gone by

Dear Hannah,

My Hannah Banana, Hannah Banana Meatball...

As your seventh birthday fast approaches, I have been doing alot of reflection on our past seven years together.  I cant believe that seven years have flown by so very quickly.  When I first found out I was pregnant for you I was so scared.  I didn't know what to expect.  I wasn't sure how to be a mother and care for this little being that would rely completely on me.  Of course I always wanted children, but when I first found out there was a baby inside my belly, I was terrified.  I knew from the moment I was pregnant that you would be a girl.  I just knew.  I couldn't help but think that my Memere had something to do with sending you to me.  She passed just before I became pregnant with you.  Almost as if she was sending me this lifeline that she knew I needed.  I was real sick at the beginning of my pregnancy with you.  Constantly vomiting.  I don't know how I made it through work some days but Papa was always there to take care of me and rub my back.  My asthma really kicked up and I was put on prednisone for the remainder of the pregnancy with you. When it came time for ultrasound day and Daddy and I found out you were most definitely a girl, we looked at each other in the car and new for certain that your name would be Hannah.  From that moment on, I referred to you as my Hannah growing inside my belly.  We called everyone we knew and told them the news.  It was at this point in my pregnancy that being terrified began to dissipate and I began to get really excited about how our lives were going to be graced with this little baby girl.  I use to imagine you riding in your car seat in my backseat while we sang songs together.  Dancing with me in your pj's and being able to hold you and rock you to sleep.  Little did I know then that there would be so many more moments of joy with you!

Your entrance into this life was early.  Five weeks to be exact and it was almost six weeks early.  You are always one to march to the beat of a different drummer.  You came quickly and very easily.  I prayed for you to cry and your cry was the first sound I heard when you came into this world.  Being able to take you home on time was nothing short of a miracle.  You were so little though, I was afraid you would break.  You came home at 4lbs 12 ounces.  You fit in the palm of my hand.  None of your clothes fit you, not even the preemie ones.  Yet, here you were this miracle from above, living, breathing and doing wonderful.  You were jaundice at first and I use to place you by the sliding glass door in the sunlight.  You loved it.  You still are my sunshine baby.  I was thrilled to have my baby girl in my arms.  Soon enough, we began to settle into this new life with you.  My Hannah Rose.  (Rose after Grandma Murphy)

No sooner did Daddy and I think we had it all figured out, you became very sick.  It was about 3 weeks after you were born when you turned very fussy.  The pink spots on your scalp began to appear.  The doctor told me they were nothing and not to worry about them.   Yet as the days went on, you grew more and more fussy and inconsolable.  The pink spots became red spots and they grew to double their size and began to raise off your head.  I knew you were sick Hannah.  I just knew it.  But the doctors kept telling me you were fine.  I have so much guilt associated with this time in your life because my whole being knew you were in pain but no one would listen.  I'm so sorry Hannah.  Mommy's so sorry for not protecting you more.  I wish I had fought harder and believed in my Mommy instinct.  I was a first time mother and everyone made me feel as though I were crazy.  I knew I wasn't.  I didn't know how to make the doctors listen to me.  They wouldn't listen.  Your Pediatrician told me that all babies cry and that I should get use to it.  All the while you were in so much pain.  Then came the day when these Hemangiomas began to bleed.  This was by far the scariest moment of your life.  There was so much blood I called the ambulance.  Nothing would stop it.  I was hysterical, you were hysterical.  Daddy made it home from work before the ambulance.  We were so scared.  Yet the doctors still didn't know how to react to you and this "condition" that they said you would grow out of.  They told us to just apply pressure and that these hemangiomas would go away.  Daddy and I were so mad.  We waited one time in the ER for 7 hours to get a surgeon to talk to us.  In the end, he came down and knew nothing.  We went home disgusted.  Time and time again, these Hemangiomas would ulcerate and bleed.  There would be so much blood that it would fill bath towels.  You would scream every time this happened.  You and I slept at half hour intervals.  Sitting up in a chair.  Sometimes I would get you asleep in your swing with a rolled up blanket wedged by your side to keep you from bumping the Hemangiomas.  It was hard to do anything but stare at you worried about when the next bleed would be.  Then I noticed you were having trouble turning your head.  I began to do alot of research on the Internet because the doctors wouldn't listen to me.  I searched and searched and one night I realized that I wasn't crazy.  There were other babies suffering like you with similar conditions.  I made the phone call the next day and switched pediatricians. 

This is when we finally got you help.  I was right Hannah.  You were so sick.  You needed a blood transfusion right away.  You were admitted to Hasbro within hours of meeting Dr. Sowa for the first time.  She and Dr. Pedvis saved your life.  You had these tumors all over your brain.  There was so much pressure built up in your little tiny head.  When I think about the pain you were in it makes me sick.  The doctors in Boston told us that you were a week or two the most away from losing your life.  If we hadn't found you help when we did Hannah, you wouldn't be here.  A thought I wont even let myself imagine.  They said you were in so much pain, especially when the tumors would ulcerate and bleed.  The sheer pressure of the brain fluid built up and unable to leave your brain was also painful.  Your brain stem had a huge tumor on it as well.  You also had a blood clot on your brain.  But you were a survivor.  My tiny little survivor.  You began to heal.  I sat by your bedside in Boston every day.  Everyone came to see you.  Nonnie, Papa, Grammy, Grampy, Auntie Ju Ju, Moppy, Uncle Ra Ra and MiMi, Auntie Lee Lee and Uncle Dan, Auntie Jill and Uncle Dave, Momma and Pa, Auntie Charleen and Stephen, Auntie Paula and Uncle Barry, Uncle Pete and Tammi and I am sure a few more that I cant remember now.  Daddy had a real tough time with your sickness.  He was so upset and stressed that he often would escape and take walks through Boston.  He never really knew how to handle your sickness and I think he was so scared that he would just give us space.  He loved you though.  So very much.  He was just so scared to lose you.  Everyone loved you so much that they drove up to Boston to visit with you and give you love.  Every day I sat by your bedside and watched you get better.  I learned how to administer your injections and give you all of your meds.  Soon enough, my little tiny peanut grew and grew.  The steroids made you very swollen and very chubby.  Yet, you were the most adorable chubby baby I have ever laid my eyes on.  The steroids also made you very, very cranky.  You didn't sleep much and for most of the first year of your life I would sit in a rocking chair and just rock you.  Daddy and I would take turns pushing you around the house in an umbrella stroller.  We use to do laps and count them and try and beat each other.  I hated giving you the shots and seeing you bruise right away.  But I knew it was what would make you better and better you did get.  My fighter.  By the grace of God there was no brain damage and our repeat MRI's told us you were on your way to a full recovery.  At a year old, I administered your last injection and gave you a last dose of prednisone.  By far the best Birthday present ever.

The rest is history baby girl.  You grew and grew and grew and stayed healthy with the exception of your constant ear infections.  You were full of spunk and you always kept everyone laughing.  You were a spitfire.  Defiant to the core.  You still marched to the beat of a different drummer and you always wanted to do things your way.  You loved to dance.  Still do.  Daddy and I took you everywhere and did everything with you.  You walked at almost 14 months and there was no trying behind it.  You just decided one day you were going to walk and you did it.  Walked right across the room with Ant Denise watching.  I'll never forget it. You were stubborn.  You were so strong.  You were determined.  When I use to try and discipline you, you would put yourself in the corner before I could because you weren't going to do it because I asked you to.  You were going to do it because you wanted to. You are still so much the same way.  You loved when I would read you books when you were little.  You still do.  Your favorite was, "Guess How Much I Love You".  I even got you pajamas one Valentine's Day that matched the book.  You loved them.  We never thought that loving each other to the moon was enough.  So we began our own saying of,"To the moon and the stars and back." 

You have so much of your Daddy in you.  I see it every day.  Your strength, your fierce attitude and your bold way of rebelling.  It's your way or the highway and you know what?  There is nothing wrong with that.  It will help you get through this life.  Yet, there is some of Mommy in you too.  Your love for dance.  You are so good at it.  I can't believe the difference in your strength and ability.  Your grace and poise in just a year's time.  Your my water baby too.  Just like your Mama.  You love the beach and pools and anywhere you can swim with your fins.  Unfortunately you got my sensitivity too.  Things bother you easily and your feelings are also hurt often.  Mommy is the same way honey.  Sometimes it can be a tough trait to have.  One day however, you will find the strength and courage to not let things get to you so much.  We are all different people and there is no harm trying to see the good in people.  Sure there will be disappointments along the way, but there will also be many, many good friends you will find by trusting and believing in people.  You will always have Mommy and Daddy by your side to help you through.

I cant believe how quickly these years have flown by.  Here it is almost summer and you are learning to ride your bike without the training wheels!  I remember watching you ride a bike for the first time and I swear it was just yesterday.  You have grown and matured so much.  You are doing so great in school and Mommy and Daddy are so proud of all of your accomplishments this year.  Learning how to read and your artistic abilities too.  You are a jack of all trades and anything you get involved in, you thrive at.  There are so many things that you excel at that I have a feeling you are going to have me driving all over this State!  You want to try everything and anything. 

You are such a huge help to me with your brother and sister.  Cameron loves playing with you and is constantly searching for you so he can flash you a smile.  You are Layla's idol.  She wants to be just like you.  I love seeing how much closer you have become now that she is a little bit older and can interact with you more.  You have always been so kind to her.  Always ready to give up a toy because she wants it and she wants it now.  You always look out for her, especially with her food allergies.  You take care of her so well that sometimes it literally blows my mind.  You are so kindhearted with her and the rest of the family too.  You love making presents and drawing pictures and watching our faces light up when we receive them.  Whenever I ask for your help, you are always right there willing to get whatever it is that I need.  You are really enjoying your new chore chart too which is also a big help to Mommy. 

Hannah I truly could go on forever about you and how very much I love you.  As your birthday approaches and you turn SEVEN, I hope you know how much you have changed my life and made me a better person.  About how you taught me the true meaning of this life and how to appreciate every single second because the clock ticks away time so quickly and things can change in an instant.  I love you my sunshine girl.  My Hannah Banana.  My meatball!  I love you so very much Han.  To the moon and the stars and back baby girl. 

So Amazing

Luther Vandross

Love has truly, been good to me

Not even one sad day or minute since you've come my way

I hope you know, I'd gladly go anywhere you take me

It's so amazing to be loved

I'd follow you to the moon and sky above

 Got to tell you, I'm happy as I can be, how you thrill me

I'm happy as can be

You have come and changed my whole world

Bye Bye sadness, hello mellow

What a wonderful day

It's so amazing to be loved, I'd follow you to the moon and the sky above

And it's so amazing, amazing, I could stay forever, forever

Here in love and no, leave you never

Cause we've got amazing love

Truly it's amazing, amazing

Love brought us together and I will leave you never

I guess we've got amazing love

It's so amazing to be loved, I'd follow you to the moon and the sky above

Cranky Pants

It's Friday and I'm thankful.  The past few days have seem to drag on.  Not that there was anything terribly wrong with them, but let's face it... Life isn't always peachy keen.  Sunshine and rainbows.   Life is real and today I decided to talk about the reality.  Frankly, I'm exhausted.  The kids haven't felt well and sleeping has seem to be a thing of the past for all of them.  The  lack of sleep for me, has turned me into a space cadet.  I'm irritable and I've got way less patience than usual.  It's just a teeny pebble in the road and I know that tomorrow I will wake up in a much better mood, but for today... I'm going to be a cranky pants.

Cam was up most of the night which is so unlike him.  He's my sleeper.  My 7:00 to 7:00 baby.  Not last night.  I could tell he was off all day and by night, he was inconsolable.  He kept waking and crying.  I would rock him to sleep and put him down and ten minutes later he would be up again.  Layla, went to sleep fairly quickly, but didn't stay asleep.   Be it night terrors or needing to go potty, I was up with her as well until she snuggled up to my back in my bed and finally conked out in the middle of the night.  Both the little ones had fevers but today they are just low grade.  Hannah could not fall asleep, despite my efforts to give her my sleep time mask.  She was so tired this morning that she slept until 8:00 am.  She's my early riser usually by 6:30 - 7:00AM.  When she did wake, her skin tone didn't look right to me.  Her cheeks looked gray and pale.  I'm keeping my fingers crossed that she doesn't catch 5th's Disease which is making it's way around her classroom.  No call from the school nurse is a good sign. 

Billy has been taking classes and studying all week making him scarce to relieve me or help with the chores and kids.  Normally I don't mind at all, but today, I am dreading doing the gazillion errands while dragging the three of them all with me.  I am preparing myself for tantrums and meltdowns.  I am going to try and talk myself into some patience as well.  Who knows, maybe things will go smoother than I think.  Again, call me Mrs. Cranky Pants. 

It looks as though I will be chairing Hannah's Father Daughter dance next Spring.  Except, we cant call it a Father Daughter dance.  Which saddens me a bit.  I don't want to offend anyone or make them feel left out, but when I grew up, there were kids that didn't have Daddy's who took an uncle or grandpa and we still called it a Father Daughter Dance and no one's feelings were hurt then.  I realize with the divorce rate these days and other situations, that things aren't that simple.  But to be honest, I wish they were simple.  I am excited to take the bull by the horns and get the party started and make it great.  Yet I am also hesitant on what I will be allowed to do as to not to offend anyone.  I feel like it's a yucky line and I am going to be staggering around it to make everyone happy.  When truly.. will everyone really be happy?  You don't want me to answer that on my cranky day, do you?  Anyhow, I do have some great ideas that I am putting on paper because even though it is an entire year away, I don't want to forget anything.  I also know how gung ho I will be and then boom, here's April and I will be panicking to get it all done.  So my thought process is, plan a bit here and there and by April 2012, I should be in good shape.  Eh hem... yup.. that's the thought process.  Come back April 2012 and lets see where I stand! LOL

I'm off to get my head straight and hopefully some rest tonight.  My restless nights have got my head spinning and even when the kids have slept here and there the past few evenings, I still cant seem to get myself back to sleep.  Therefore, my brain starts overworking and all these ideas, thoughts and worries pop up.  Hoping for a calm evening to get me back into my normally good mood.  Layla is crying to be held so I must run.  Happy Weekend. 

Rainy Wednesdays

I haven't much to report today.  It's one of those rainy days when you wish you could be curled up on the couch with the kids watching a Disney movie.  Layla is in a bit of a mood from not sleeping well last night.  I had them in bed at 7:30 but unfortunately they giggled and played for almost two and a half hours and didn't fall asleep until 10:00.  Thankfully, Hannah seemed okay this morning.  She can be wicked if she doesn't get enough sleep.  Cameron had a tough time going down last night as well.  He is normally my easiest.  I put him in the crib, he curls up with his blankets and goes right out.  Last night however, he needed a little help.  To be honest... I loved it.  I sat and rocked him for a while as he curled up in my arms.  I think I gave him about 1,000 kisses and each time he smiled up at me.  I can't believe this baby boy is 11 months.  Heck, I still can't believe I have a baby boy!

I am feeling a little tired myself.  I think it is these boogie allergies that have me achy and well, drawn out.  My eyes are heavy with dark circles.  I couldn't quite cover up the exhausted look today.  Does anyone have any good products they can recommend?  I've had two coffees and still cant quite seem to snap out of it!

Heading to dance with Hannah banana today and there are only a few more weeks left until recital time.  Today though, will be different because PETE is HOME!  I am so excited for him to see Brenna dance.  I still cant even handle that he is home and staying home.  Praise the Lord that he doesn't have to go back to Iraq.  He is home and he is safe.  I couldn't be happier. 

I was finally able to get through Mommy Maya's post last night.  I waited until I was alone and I sat in bed and read and cried.   There are no words.  No words seem to even come close to the compassion I have for this family and how angry I am that cancer took another child's life.  Please continue to keep this family in your prayers.  http://www.rockstarronan.com/

Stay well my friends..xoxoxo

"I pray that God will fill your heart with dreams.  And that faith gives you the courage to dare to do great things.  I'm here for you whatever this life brings.  So let my love give you roots and help you find your wings."  Mark Harris

Best Day

This Mother's Day was by far the best one ever!  It began Saturday night when Miss Layla was having a restless night and couldn't sleep.  She asked if she could brush my hair so I sat on the floor for twenty minutes and she brushed and brushed and brushed.  (I love having girls!)  The best part was while she was brushing, she was singing the song from Tangled..."Flowers gleam and glow, let your powers shine.."  God I love this snuggly baby girl.  She gives me so much love and it all comes from such an innocent place.  I love our night time bonding while everyone else is asleep.  Sure she should be asleep as well.. but Lord knows I wont get this time back and I am determined to suck these moments up as much as possible. 

Sunday morning I woke up at 6:30 to hear Hannah fumbling and crawling around on my bedroom floor. I was about to sit up and ask her what on earth she was doing when Billy motioned for me to stay still and let her be. I rested for a half hour when Hannah grabbed my hand and yanked me out of bed and hurried me downstairs to where the kitchen table was covered in all of my beauty supplies. My blow dryer, lotions, nail polish, brush, makeup etc...was all neatly placed on the table along with a waffle and a strawberry placed in the middle.  There was a large glass of chocolate milk placed beside it.  Also a sign that read, "I love you" Along with a sign placed on the chair indicating where I should sit that read, "Mom". I was completely blown away at the time and thought that went into this display of love from my six year old daughter. Did I mention she was wearing one of her new dresses? It was the one that I had told her I loved the best. The amount of love I have for this child overwhelms me. My Hannah can be so strong willed at times but this very moment truly showed me how much love there is between us. How much she appreciates me and how much she cares. I spent the next half hour being pampered. She painted my nails and put lotion on my hands and feet. At this point Miss Layla had come to join in the fun and I can assure you that my legs have never been so moisturized! They continued the pampering session and applied my makeup and brushed my hair. I could not have been more thrilled with my first class treatment. I have said this before and I will say it again, how did I get so lucky?


The day continued on in the awesomeness in which it began. The beautiful cards. The gorgeous new hanging plant adorning my front porch.  The once again beautiful day in which to celebrate motherhood. We headed on over to Julie and Mikey's for our annual Mothers Day brunch. It was a feast at it's best. Antipasto pie, pancakes, frittada, mimosas... YUM! I made this French toast casserole that was scrumptious and I created a new delectable delight and filled croissants with a cream cheese mix and raspberry jelly. Double YUM!  I loved spending the morning with my mother, sister and family.  It was so nice to sit out on the deck and play with the kids and talk with the Moms that I adore so much.

After Julie and Mikey's we headed on over to the Verizon store because my darling Billy surprised me with an IPhone for Mother's Day.  Yippeeee!  I am thrilled to have this latest gadget and I am completely addicted to it. The girls helped me pick out a case and it was up and running in no time.  How have I lived without this technology?  LOL 

As the afternoon rolled around, we hurried home to clean up the house and the backyard.  With everyone pitching in, it was done in no time.  I loved the way everything looked with all the blooming flowers, hanging plant, tulips, freshly cut grass.. ahhh Hello Spring.  How very much I have missed you!  The Murphy side gathered over in the late afternoon and we had a lovely cookout.  The girls played with their cousins and were still outside as it began to turn dark.  It was one of those nights where they ran around in bare feet and came in filthy, but I LOVED every minute of it.  It reminded me of those perfect summer nights after you had played all day and came in to take your bath and scrub your feet and put on a pair of summer pj's.  As much as I love my IPhone... it is these simple things in life that bring the MOST joy.  Materialistic things could never come close to these precious memories.  I fell asleep Sunday night feeling so full of love that I thought my heart would burst!  I am so very appreciative for everyone who made this Mother's Day so special to me.  This by far, was the best Mother's Day. 

This saying that I now have stenciled on my bedroom wall says it best....

"Life is not measured by the amount of breaths we take, rather the moments that take our breath away."





As I was still riding on this natural high yesterday, unfortunately I learned of some very sad news.  The little boy, Ronan, whose story I had been following passed away.  I really thought, I really did think that there would be a miracle in his case.  That he would beat this demon.  I can't imagine the pain his family is in.  I can't imagine the hell his mother Maya is enduring.  His story further solidifies why we need to find a cure.  We have GOT TO FIND A CURE FOR CHILDHOOD CANCER!  Please pray for his family.  Keep them in your thoughts...I've yet to be able to get through the most recent post without breaking down and crying.  No child and no parent deserves this pain!
http://www.rockstarronan.com/

Layla enjoying the tulips...

a note from Hannah...filled with so much love

my girls

The first favortie gift I received

Papa & Layla & Reanna

Cousinly love.. Reanna and Layla enjoying a lunch date

Does it really need a caption?

The kitchen table Mother's Day morning and my pampering surprise! (My second favorite gift.)

Crazy Cam.. enjoying his first ice cream sandwich last night

Rapunzel Feet - Layla made me take this picture

Mom & Dad Murphy with their granddaughters!